Food Network dating

product dating from Food Network. There are several types of dates found on today's food packaging. Such dates are not typically safety dates, but are used primarily to assist purchasers in ... The Food Network star has been dating TV producer Shane Farley for nearly three years. “Shane’s a lot of a fun,” the 47-year-old told People Magazine Wednesday. “It’s one of my favorite ... Food Guarnaschelli and Castellon have been dating for four years and first met when Guarnaschelli (who is the executive chef at Butter) dined at Castellon's restaurant. Free Food Network Favorites. Stream an entire season for free! The Great Food Truck Race. Watch a season of The Pioneer Woman without signing in. The Pioneer Woman. Watch a full season of Guy's Grocery Games for free. Guy's Grocery Games. Watch classic episodes of Chopped for free. Giada Pamela De Laurentiis is an Italian-born American chef, writer, television personality, and the host of the current Food Network television program Giada at Home. She also appears regularly as a contributor and guest co-host on NBC’s Today. De Laurentiis is the founder of the catering business GDL Foods. In this week’s issue of PEOPLE, the Food Network star, 47, sat down to talk about her happy family life at home and her second chance at love with boyfriend, TV producer Shane Farley. Get push ... Flay's chemistry with his Next Food Network Star cohost led people to speculate he was dating the chef, but both stars denied those rumors.De Laurentiis has also been linked to former Today show ... Eligible bachelors and bachelorettes have a $50 shopping budget to plan and cook a romantic meal on Date Plate. Find out more about the show on Food Network. Sunny Anderson is a Food Network personality. She began hosting How’d That Get On My Plate? in July 2008. She also hosts the Food Network program Cooking for Real (beginning in April 2008), and served as co-host with Marc Istook of the Food Network program Gotta Get It (beginning in April 2007). Deen issued an apology but the Food Network still decided to cut ties with the celeb chef after 11 years. Deen also lost her endorsement deals with Walmart, Target, QVC, Sears, and Kmart ...

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2020.09.19 07:49 chonkier Posting on reddit until I get a girlfriend #179 ( THE END )

Day 1: I know this isn’t the most creative thing to do here, but I have never been in any sort of relationship and hoped I could get some advice from you redditors. This might take over a year or more to do before I either get one or give up, but good luck future me I guess...
Day 2: No
Day 3: Any tips on how I should hit up my crush?
Day 4: Thinking about messaging her and saying hey to get a conversation started but I have to work up the nerves to do it
Day 5: Love it when I have no internet for online school
Day 6: Beep Boop
Day 7: I think I might wait to try anything until this whole global pandemic thing slows down. It’s been a week and Ill Ive done is realize how boring I am with these posts lol. Probably wouldnt be thinking about this so much if soccer season wasnt cancelled... Anyway, beep boop bye boys. That was a lot of writing...
Day 8: I DID IT GUYS! I TALKED TO A GIRL! Jk no I didnt lol
Day 9: Yes this is day 9.
Day 10: After 10 days, my preditction for how long this will go on is... idk fucking forever
Day 11: I tried starting a conversation with my crush on snapchat and she didnt even open it :(
Day 12: Last night she responded to my snap message from 2 days ago and now we might have a streak
Day 13: I am bored today no news lads
Day 14: We dont talk about day 14
Day 15: I have acquired a 4 day streak with my crush and I rly want to talk to her but my scaredness is overtaking my temptation
Day 16: Nothing happened today
Day 17: When you cant stop thinking about a person is not an epic gamer moment, especially cuz we’re stuck at home and cant do anything about it. i want this to be over already so i can try to talk to her.
Day 18: Hi again guys and gals
Day 19: Dont worry Im just passin’ by you sorting by new
Day 20: Woohoo day 20! I tried to talk to her... i snapped her and said hey but she didnt even open it i guess she dont care. that was last night too.
Day 21: Now beginning to realize that this has the potential to take years
Day 22: Just passing by your feed for the day hope you guys are doing well :)
Day 23: Hello
Day 24: Hello #2
Day 25: How are you guys doing today?
Day 26: If I was a news network, I would be bankrupt because I have no news
Day 27: Helloooo
Day 28: I want someone to talk to lol
Day 29: Hello #3
Day 30: Hooray day 30 only like 2 more years to go
Day 31: Im pretty much giving up on talking to girls online so im gonna wait until school starts in the fall and start trying there, so the minimum for this chain of posts in probably like 150.
Day 32: I officially give up... for now
Day 33: 333333
Day 34: technically its actually day ((9(4)+8)/2)+(3(4))
Day 35: Life huh
Day 36: So glad I finally have someone to talk to here on reddit
Day 37: Today’s date is April 28th
Day 38: I almost have 20 followers from doing this like what
Day 39: Its getting harder to remember to post
Day 40: A new milestone aha
Day 41: shit wack
Day 42: Bing bong your opinion is wrong
Day 43: What videogames do you guys play
Day 44: Badabadabada babaaa badabadaba badabaaaaaaaa
Day 45: Whats ur favorite color
Day 46: Day 40 feels like yesterday wth
Day 47: Ice cream yum yum
Day 48: Im posting this at 4:20
Day 49: Ok, so like, um, haha, maybe?
Day 50: Ah, day fifty. You know, I heard that a girl doesn’t want you if they don’t text you first. And guess what happened today.... Nobody texted me I don’t think a girl has ever texted me first now that I think about it
Day 51: I looked at the mirror today and I was like damn i look sexy ahahaha
Day 52: egg
Day 53: Tomorrow’s my last day of online school yerrrrrrr - Also I have somehow now gained 32 reddit followers from doing this shit
Day 54: Shablam shazam
Day 55: Dos rosquillas por favor
Day 56: Is it just me or do the colors purple and turquoise go perfectly together
Day 57: Hangin out with my friend shut up stupid i dont care
Day 58:
Day 59: B
Day 60: I
Day 61: N
Day 62: G
Day 63:
Day 64: The days are beginning to feel shorter and faster...
Day 65: holy hell
Day 66: But you gotta fall back from doing all that extra Why you dancin wit the devil
Day 67: Im the definition of a bandit
Day 68: Idk why bro but i cant get over her even though i only barely ever see her on sc... today was her birthday and i said happy birthday she said thank you.. im ranting but tomorrow eh? nice.
Day 69: Self explanatory joke please leave your laughs in the comments.
Day 70: I accidentally flushed one of my airpods down the toilet when it fell off so now I only have one airpod. it sucks and im sad and then im even more sad bc i realize that having one airpod is this big of a problem to me
Day 71: big sad?
Day 72: Hooga Badooga Googa
Day 73: The internet ruined me
Day 74: I dont want my depression to come back but today I felt it for the first time in a while...
Day 75: Nononononono I changed this one
Day 76: Summer is cool and all, looking at snapchat stories of all the people you know hanging out with each other while sitting in bed alone
Day 77: Hung out with friends today, UNO reverse card ()()()
Day 78: Bliggle ba giggle diggle
Day 79: Have you ever put butter on a poptart... It’s so frickin good... Have you ever put butter on a poptart... If you haven’t then I think you should
Day 80: •_•
Day 81: He just gon’ throw shots at you before he throw subliminals
Day 82: mBeebopmSkeetleebebopmDopm
Day 83: You a lame, you aint gang, so I cant hang with ya
Day 84: He haw he haw
Day 85: I have 78 followers because of this. 78.
Day 86: RipCity?
Day 87: Salmon, rice, mango
Day 88: Yall ever just E E E E
Day 89: xue hua piao piao bei feng xiao xiao
Day 90: Just mixed the Bape with the Simons, my bad
Day 91: There are two types of lonely people. Those that are lonely by choice, and those that are lonely due to circumstances. And I don’t know which one I am.
Day 92: I want to kill myself. I hate my family I hate everyone nothing is good I want to die
Day 93: I think Im bipolar. I either feel very happy or very sad and I think these posts are kinda proof of that. I try my best to stay happy but its hard a lot of the time. Anyway, IgotblackIgotwhitewatchuwant
Day 94: Im gonna start rating my day out of ten on here. Today was a 9/10
Day 95: 4/10
Day 96: 8/10
Day 97: 8/10
Day 98: hmmmm 7/10
Day 99: 9/10 also tomorrow is a big day for this series of posts
Day 100: Wow um okay that went fast. I feel like for today I should give some sort of little update or speech kinda thing. So basically, I kind of have a crush right now but I dont know if I want to pursue her its complicated. Right now its summer break so imma wait til school starts again to try for real again. I can actually talk to girls in person cuz they dont talk to me online lol. I dont know how long this series will go but I will try to post every day until it happens. As of right now my confidence in finding a girlfriend is very low. I dont know how long this is gonna take but probably quite awhile. All I want is for someone to love me for me and a girl that I can share my feelings with, since right now I dont have a person to do that with. I want to lose my virginity, but before that I want to have my first real kiss, or before that even, I want to hold hands or hug a girl. I live a lonely life. Dont be me.
Day 101: Egg penis
Day 102: hooga badooga gag
Day 103: Gooba
Day 104: I havent had a conversation with a girl online or in person since March. (•_•)
Day 105: Blippa blop i guess but like its the 4th of July i guess
Day 106: My copy is ready for pasta
Day 107: Do I even want a girlfriend tho
Day 108: I mean like kinda
Day 109: You dont want no problems at ur party dont invite me ahahaaahaha jk i dont get invited to things ahahaa
Day 110: just another post for my 120 followers to enjoy
Day 111: 111 111 111 111 111 111 111 111
Day 112: I am on vacation u^
Days 113: Yeah going on vacation is cool but have you guys tried sex? ... me neither
Day 114: I dont understand how like literally the ugliest people can be in relationships but like Ive never been close to having one
Day 115: Today I went on a 7.5 mile hike up to the top of a mountain and it was really cool
Day 116: Last day of vacation :( 10 hour drive back tomorrow so sad so saddd
Day 117: Sad pony
Day 118: Stop telling me this wont work its not supposed to work its just something fun to do until I get a girlfriend
Day 119: So da salamilid aint gon fit (wont fit) and the salami (lami lid) wont fit like dat
Day 120: Ive been doing this for 4 months now
Day 121: Im posting this at 3:20 am cuz why not lol
Day 122: I am sad right now
Day 123: Looolalooloooladeedadaloodaleeleeda
Day 124: IMPORTANT READ THIS - So a lot of you guys are telling me that posting on reddit wont get me a girlfriend. Obviously it wont. If I do ever get a girlfriend I would want it to be a girl at my high school that I know, not some random girl I meet on reddit. Remember, I am doing this for fun, I am not even close to getting a girlfriend. I dont have a crush, and I dont really have any friends that are girls. So... with all that said, The salami lid aint gon fit like dat.
Day 125: I am 62.5% of the way to 200 days
Day 126: If any of you are wondering if Ive ever tried to ask a girl out before, I kinda have. The summer before my freshman year I confessed to my crush who I had talked to a lot over about a year and a half. I got friendzoned pretty badly, and kinda gave up with girls for like at least 2 years until I started this
Day 127: Hello to my 144 followers
Day 128: Drop yo Xbox names and what games you play
Day 129: Happytime
Day 130: I dont know what to say its 4 am
Day 131: Dont fire me plz
Day 132: z
Day 133: z
Day 134: z
Day 135: z
Day 136: Confusion
Day 137: Abandonment
Day 138: There is no way Im getting a girlfriend in the next year
Day 139: Why do people like me get created what even are we supposed to do
Day 140: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh whyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Day 141: Wrist keep spinnin like a fuckin rotisserie
Day 142: Bruh i literally have to go to school tomorrow ughhhhhhhhhh
Day 143: It felt good to be back at school it felt like I had a purpose finally and I got to see a lot of people for the first time in a while :) Anyway this one girl... jk theres no girl i lied
Day 144: How many of yall are virgins
Day 145: I dont want to be horny anymore... I want a girl I can text until 3 am and cuddle with while watching NBA games :(
Day 146: Would post Juice WRLD lyrics here but I cant relate to any of them cuz im too lonely
Day 147: I had a great day today. I hung out with people, was very social, told jokes that made people laugh, my team won, I had fun. Its important to recognize these days that are good
Day 148: Goodbye free time and enjoyment, I have to go to school now.
Day 149: eenanashe kabikabi wam dadesh kabikabi dee bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh
Day 150: Wow 150. Another landmark. Pretty cool huh. But anyway since schools started ive been talking to girls that i know more
Day 151: Dopdopdopdopdododododop
Day 152: fuck the system
Day 153: Secrets are hard to keep but Im good at lying
Day 154: I have to write a 400 word descriptive story about my first ever date for English class... now i havent exactly ever been on a date so yall wna give me ideas
Day 155: Please stop commenting stuff like “We will watch your career with great interest” or “This is some dedication” everybody always says it
Day 156: blam blam
Day 157: Posting on reddit until I get a girlfriend #157
Day 158: gotalottanewshit
Day 159: Yo can like 3 more people follow me so I get to 200 followers that would be pretty cool
Day 160: I am not enjoying this whole thing much right now
Day 161: I wonder if you know
Day 162: How they live in Tokyo
Day 163: If you see them and you mean it
Day 164: Then you know you have to go
Day 165: Its so nice talking to girls again mow that school is back
Day 166: If you are reading this dm me and tell me ur favorite food cuz im bored
Day 167: Why do I find like 75% of girls attravtive bruh
Day 168: fuck... fuck... fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK
Day 169: We have officially reached funny number + 100
Day 170: Drove that pack from Houston, OKC, I feel like Chris Paul ~_~
Day 171: Hassan Whiteside
Day 172: Almost forgot today
Day 173: :371 yaD
Day 174: How did day 173 get three awards bruh
Day 175: Yall be saying this is pathetic but like how is it pathetic
Day 176: I feel like a zombie sometimes
Day 177: I dont even want a girlfriend
Day 178: I am ending this sometime soon probably
Day 179: Yeah so I cant really find the motivation to do this anymore I dont even really want a girlfrend so Im done. Thanks to all the people I met along the way and the hundreds of reddit followers I gained. Maybe someday I wont be single, but its far in the future. Its been a good run, but I just am gonna go now...
submitted by chonkier to teenagers [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 07:09 InternetFreedomIn Multi-domain orgs and individuals raise concerns about Aarogya Setu #SaveOurPrivacy

Multi-domain orgs and individuals raise concerns about Aarogya Setu #SaveOurPrivacy

https://preview.redd.it/07pvg9ugaun51.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=84c5303a0e4a1d6bdd7249b21bf3fb8dbd3c43cd

Tl;dr

8 organizations and 145 individuals have written to MoHFW, MeitY and the IT Standing Committee raising serious technical, legal, ethical and implementation concerns regarding Aarogya Setu and other apps introduced during the COVID-19 pandemic. This joint statement was drafted by the Forum for Medical Ethics Society, Jan Swasthya Abhiyan, All India People’s Science Network and Internet Freedom Foundation based on multi-domain experience and it situates COVID-19 apps like Aarogya Setu within the public health system in India. The joint statement also presents a clear set of 16 demands to safeguard sensitive personal data of citizens and prevent exclusion.

Background

The Aarogya Setu mobile app was introduced by the government as a proximity exposure notification app on 02 April 2020 and it has been mired in controversy since its release. Concerns have been raised about commercial or law enforcement use of sensitive personal data collected by the app by legal commentators who have cautioned against deployment of such technologies in the absence of a data protection law in India. Public health experts have also explained why such technologies cannot replace on the ground contract tracing by healthcare workers and questioned the government's failure to explain why information available in existing government databases is insufficient. Finally, technologists have warned that Aarogya Setu adopts weak anonymization practices which make its users susceptible to re-identification and criticized the lack of transparency surrounding the app's code and algorithms.

Joint statement by multi-domain civil society groups

This joint statement was drafted by the Forum for Medical Ethics Society, Jan Swasthya Abhiyan, All India People’s Science Network and Internet Freedom Foundation and it has been endorsed by 8 organizations and 145 individuals. The other four endorsee organizations are Janchetna Sansthan, Lok Manch, Rethink Aadhaar Campaign India and the Right To Food Campaign. A full list of endorsees can be found in the joint statement linked at the bottom of this post.
Yesterday i.e. 17 September 2020, we sent the joint statement to the Ministry of Health & Family Welfare, Ministry of Electronics & Information Technology and the Parliamentary Standing Committee on Information Technology. The statement presents a clear set of 16 demands to safeguard sensitive personal data of citizens and prevent exclusion in access to healthcare and other essential facilities which are listed below.
I. For proportionality
  1. There is a constitutional obligation to adopt the least restrictive/intrusive measure to achieve the stated purpose. These thresholds can be benchmarked against known technological best practices and models, and the kinds of interventions adopted by other constitutional democracies. The design of interventions must also ensure that they do not disproportionately impact people from certain backgrounds, identities, and regions.
  2. A full release of specifications including cryptography, anonymization specifications, Application Programming Interface (API) specifications, and Bluetooth specifications.
  3. Release of the source code for the current version of the AS App, given the fact that the released code does not match with the one in use, and release of the server-side code.
  4. Development of a comprehensive privacy impact assessment, articulating accompanying risks associated with large scale roll-out of the App.
  5. Commitment (i.e. sunset clauses that are clearly present in primary legislation) to permanently destroy the data and systems being built via AS App at the end of the COVID-19 pandemic.
  6. The AS App must not in any way be made mandatory by government or private actors;
  7. Among other things, the focus must be on assuring the public that these are temporary interventions which will not devolve into permanent surveillance and monitoring systems.
II. For legality
  1. Suitable legislation is required aim to hold the Union and State governments and private actors accountable for leakage or any inappropriate use of App data during epidemics and communicable disease outbreaks.
  2. Under this legislative framework, governments may only access patient data through hospital records, and must preserve patient anonymity.
  3. These frameworks should be solely under the control of public health institutions.
III. For necessity
  1. The government must establish contextual necessity of the new technological interventions like the AS App which monitors people’s movements since this is already being done by other actors (like telecom service providers).;
  2. Grounds for treating the existing government databases, such as those maintained by ICMR and other existing surveillance mechanisms and hospital records as inadequate for the current purposes of responding to the pandemic
  3. The expected advantage of interventions for collection of health and related information is collected, the actual technical effectiveness of the interventions itself, and a detailed cost-benefit/privacy impact analysis to evaluate risks before rolling out such Apps
  4. Necessity as a dynamic construct, and that it is embedded through the life cycle of the AS programme. Within it there is a need for continual review of the programme as regards principles of transparency and accountability.
IV. Oversight Structures and Processes
  1. The required legislation must create independent institutions for oversight separated from the political executive.
  2. Towards this end, the agencies/institutions concerned should publish periodic reports informing the public if, and to what extent, the App is augmenting the Government’s response in treating and containing the spread of Covid-19. Based on such feedback loops, these institutions should be empowered to make decisions for course correction or even discontinuation of the programme itself, and the permanent destruction of the systems created.

Important Documents

  1. Joint Letter dated 17.09.2020 to MoHFW, MeitY and IT Standing Committee (link)
submitted by InternetFreedomIn to india [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 21:30 cscqsim_repostbot A /r/cscareerquestions College Survival Guide

A /cscareerquestions College Survival Guide

With our final school year beginning, we were reflecting on how lost and confused we were when we first started university. We made a lot of mistakes (still am) along the way, but we’re in a much better place after learning from them and constantly putting ourselves out there. In hopes of shining some light and helping others, we decided to make a comprehensive guide for university students – based on our knowledge/experiences - on how to start your successful CS Career (or gain the wisdom to avoid CS altogether, more on this later).
rishiss Background: I am a 4th year student at UC Irvine majoring in Software Engineering. I am an incoming Software Engineer at a F100 company (received return offer after interning this summer). Before that, I interned at an R & D center for space, a small cloud company, and a small IT company. I have a 3.65 GPA, won a few awards at startup competitions/hackathons, and remain pretty active in my schools CS organizations.
chaitu65c Background: I’m a 4th year student at UC Irvine majoring in Computer Science. I’m currently a SWE Intern at a Unicorn and just wrapped up my 2nd internship at a Live Streaming Company(you can most likely tell who they are if you browse my history LOL). Before this, I interned at my school’s IT department, did research under a professor, and worked on a few small startups that other UCI students were building. I have a 3.3 GPA, won some awards along rishiss and was pretty active in my school’s CS clubs.
Disclaimer: “But rishiss/ and chaitu65c, you don’t work at a Big N, go to a target CS school, why should I take your advice?” You’re absolutely right; we are, by no means, ‘up there’ like some other folks on this sub. And, you don’t have to take our advice! Simply close this tab and do whatever else you want 😊. Our intent is to guide and prepare uni students for a CS career they enjoy, not work at Big N or get the highest TC. Life is much more than a dick-measuring contest, and the earlier you learn that the better.
We have also created a guide with our own personal advice/stories

Please, take this advice with a grain of salt. we’re not Tony Robinson or Tim Apple, we’re just two random reddit users.

Table of Contents:

This guide is divided into the following sections:

Is CS Right For Me?

The way we see it, there’s 3 types of people pursuing CS.
  1. Those who know CS isn’t for them – They’re in it for the money, to appease their parents, for a minorequirement, some external factor. They hated programming while taking the introductory CS course and just try to get done with their class/degree ASAP.
Advice: The majority of people who fall under this usually burn out quickly, as they aren’t motivated enough to learn the material and to apply themselves. This usually leads to them cheating and getting kicked out of their major, minor, or university altogether. Even if you manage to earn a degree, we've seen a large number of these folks endure a 'pre-mature' mid-life crisis or simply get fired from their jobs. Before you even start this major, you should definitely understand that this isn’t going to be easy, and you do have to put in a lot of effort to succeed. If this isn’t your cup of tea, definitely look into switching into another major you like.
Some folks are really passionate about technology, but don't want to pursue an entire Computer Science major or see themselves as Software Engineers. That's completely ok! Try looking into related majors or minors. We know many students who switched from CS to majors like Informatics, Business Information Management, and Economics and are thriving in tech-related roles like Data Analytics, Product Management, UI/UX Design, and Technical Recruiting. CS is not (and should not be) for everyone, and there is no shame in having the wisdom quit and move on.
  1. Those who don’t know if CS is for them – Where most of the CS community is IMO. These folks (like me, rishiss) are riddled with something called Imposter Syndrome: “the constant feeling of not being good enough or knowing enough to do your job well.”
Advice: For students, really take the time to learn and be open to anything you go through. Try sticking it out until you've taken a Data Structures course, one of the harder, more important courses out there. If you're not understanding the material or just aren't having fun with it, it’s definitely ok to switch majors/careers. Otherwise, CS just might be the career for you! Give it your best shot!
Admittedly, it's hard to provide stronger insight to overcoming Imposter Syndrome, as I am afflicted by it as well. For me, my IS derives from constantly comparing myself to others and confusing inexperience with incompetency. As such, I continue to work and focus on myself and take baby steps towards smaller goals I set out for myself. Knowing that I've put the effort to improve myself by just 1% everyday has made me a lot more confident.
  1. Those who know for a fact CS is for them – The diamonds in the rough. Learning and practicing CS material gives them a euphoric high.
Advice: Broaden your scope and learn new areas of CS! Who knows, you might find another new field that you really want to work in. Other than that, definitely make new friends regardless of whether they’re a CS major or not. Even try pursuing other hobbies like weightlifting, reading, dancing, or even public speaking. Don't limit yourself!

Freshman Year

We recommend not taking more than 3-4 classes in your first quartesemester, as you shouold keep an ample amount of time to go to professional/social events, make new friends and hang out with them, and pursue your interests.
We've seen a lot of freshmen (and upperclassmen) CS folks get cooped up in their dorm rooms playing video games and watching TV. We understand that these two are a passion for many, but please be cautious to not get consumed by them.
You have the privilege of pursuing higher education, making valuable connections/memories, and setting up your CS career in the trajectory you want. This year is the best year to take advantage of all that university has to offer; make the most of it.
One of the best ways to get involved in your school’s/region’s CS community is by joining clubs like ACM and WICS and participating in hackathons (see ‘Hackathon’ section below). Try pursuing internships and positions in these organizations and events as well!
One, major issue we see with freshmen (even upperclassmen) is their ignorance on all the avenues available in the CS Industry. So we’ve tried to narrow it down (not exhaustive).
  1. Cyber Security Engineer
  2. Front-End Web Developer
  3. Backend Web Developer
  4. UI/UX Designer
  5. DevOps/Cloud/Site-Reliability Engineers
  6. Mobile Engineer
  7. QA Engineer
  8. Product Manager
  9. Data Scientist (Machine Learning/AI)
  10. Embedded Software Engineer
  11. Systems Administrator
  12. Database Administrator (The Wizards)
  13. Networking Engineer
  14. Hardware Engineer
  15. OS Developer
  16. Video Game Developer
  17. Solutions Architect/Sales EngineeTechnical Account Manager
As a freshman, definitely take the time and see if you can picture yourself doing any of the listed fields. You should open yourself to all facets of CS and not just the “hot field” like Data Science and Machine Learning. Choosing a field because it’s “exciting” will usually lead to bad results as usually, other people are thinking just like you and will lead to over-saturation.
Our recommendation is to select the top 5 fields that have piqued your interest and experiment with the field. For example, if you are interested in Mobile App Development, try learning how to build an Android app from the ground up. A simple weather app or alarm clock is completely suitable for a first project/prototype. This lets you understand what skills you would need for this field and can serve as a forecast as to what your career would look like.
You should definitely look for an internship. Ignore the people that tell you to wait until you’re a junior, as it’s going to be very hard to get an internship if you don’t have any experience. Common places that most students don’t realize are available are usually IT departments at your school and even research with professors. Researching is highly recommended as you can definitely learn more about a field you can be interested in and if you’re interested in graduate school, that’s going to be a letter of recommendation that you can ask for.
If you’re considered a minority in Computer Science, look into first and second year internship programs as they’re meant to help you succeed. Here’s some programs that come to mind:
Google STEP
Microsoft Explore
Amazon Future Engineer
Uber STARInternhip
Facebook University
Another way to get internships is to research into smaller companies in your area. If the company is very small (<100 employees), consider reaching out to the CEO on LinkedIn. They might be able to help you! Also, take advantage of university recruiting websites like Handshake to see companies that directly hire from your school. More info on how to get an internship in the ‘Searching for an Internship’ section.

Sophomore Year

Now that you have basic programming knowledge, create your own website or GitHub account and start contributing to them with small personal projects. Nobody expects you to make a full-stack MERN project hosted and scaled on AWS at this stage. Focus instead on clean code, learning a framework or two on a language you like, and creating a small, robust feature. Grow from there!
If you weren’t able to find an internship/research opportunity as a freshman, community involvement, projects, and hackathons become especially important, as they are a great way to make you stand out on your resume and to recruiters when you reapply. As you brush up on your skills, apply again, and try your luck out.

Data Structures and Algorithms

In addition, you are most likely to take a Data Structures and Algorithms course this year. Make sure you are focusing on this class and writing good notes; you will need this knowledge when interviewing for internships and full-time jobs in the near future. Here is a link to our DS and A course (in C++) for reference

Junior Year

As a junior, companies are more willing to hire you for an internship, as they are likely to convert you into a full-time employee after graduating. This transition process is much easier than interviewing, and they'll usually offer you a higher compensation package if they want to convert you to a full-time employee. As you now should have knowledge of Data Structures and Algorithms, we highly recommend looking into coding interview prep sites like LeetCode and HackerRank or purchasing a prep book like CTCI or EPI (advanced).
Continue to attend hackathons, remain active in clubs/organizations, and grow your portfolio.
Classes will be much harder; expect the time for completing projects to double and the content covered to be much more difficult. We recommend taking no more than 2-3 upper-division CS courses and balancing your load with 1-2 GE classes. You should not be taking more than 16 units (assuming 4 units per course).
Start to get an idea of what field in CS you would like to pursue. Research what it takes to be successful in that field. You can do so by looking up job postings with that title on LinkedIn and looking at the requested skill set or take a look at Roadmap.sh. If you want to learn more about a related skill set and your school doesn't offer a course, consider picking up a class on udemy.com.

Senior Year

Focus heavily on your senior capstone, project classes, etc. as they're the last thing you can put on your resume before applying for full time. By now, you should have at least 3 polished, working projects on your GitHub that you can easily talk about with your recruiter. Preferably, they're aligned with the CS field you wish to enter.
If you were able to get a return offer from an internship, congrats! However, don’t immediately sign the offer. Once you have an offer, you should still try to interview at companies that you’re interested in by the deadline of the time to accept the offer. A good way of doing this is to reach out to a University recruiter for that company and explain the deadline you have. Usually, they’re really helpful and can potentially help skip interviews that you were supposed to do!
In addition, if your friends were able to intern at places you’re interested in, definitely ask for a referral or to send your resume to their recruiter. This usually reduces the risk of being ghosted by that company and increases your chances of getting hired!
Once you finally sign, definitely take the time to relax and enjoy. Just make sure you pass your classes and stay out of trouble

Classes:

What Classes should I take?

Should Already be Required:

Must Take:

Good to Have

How do I succeed in these classes?

rishiss: You’re more than likely coughing up hundreds, if not thousands, to attend university. It makes no sense to not take full advantage of the course and course staff.
The way I take notes: I learn from examples; I want to enter my code into the IDE to see what happens. I do a three way split; Google Docs on the left, IDE on top right and terminal (to compile, see output, make new file, etc) on bottom left. I note down the date and topic of the lecture and write questions I have in the comments on Docs. I make sure to highlight important information and possible test questions. I even share the link with friends!

In the quarters where I followed the steps above, I never got a grade lower than an A-.

Dealing with Bad Professors

During your time in college, you’re likely going to have at least one bad professor that might make it worse if you have to go to class. If that’s the case, it’s definitely fine to not go to class (as long as it’s not mandatory). However, if you do decide not to go, you must make sure you learn the material, so you won’t be behind on the coursework and studying for tests. In addition, you should be doing something productive on the side. If you don’t go to class and spend the time watching Netflix or playing video games, you’re losing time that you can spend on something that might be fun and can help you in the long run.

You can take Graduate Courses!?

chaitu65c: A highly underutilized set of courses you can take would be graduate courses. Graduate courses are usually very specialized in certain fields. If you were able to take all the undergraduate courses you wanted and still have spare classes to fill out, I'd recommend researching into taking Graduate courses! They’re a good way to build out your specialization and learn new, cool stuff! In addition, if you’re looking for classes to reach the required number of CS courses needed, your CS department might allow you to make the course count towards your degree!

Projects

They're super important.

How do I succeed in class projects?

Personal Projects and your CS Career

rishiss: Projects are your saving grace, especially if you are lacking work experience. They show technical aptitude, willingness to take initiative, and leadership. I’ve seen people with only projects on their resume get positions at the Big N. Projects are good ways to expand your knowledge of CS as the possibilities are endless! It is best to have a variety of projects dealing with a variety of technologies. As such, you can open yourself up to more positions and have more talking points during the interview.
I tend to edit the ‘Project’ Section of my resume with relevant projects and technologies. For instance, if I made a full stack web application and applied to a DevOps organization, I would highlight my AWS, CI/CD, and Terraform experiences more than my React/Node js work.
It is recommend the project is about something that motivates you and are passionate about e.g. video games, movies, books, sports, etc., as it is very easy to give up half way due to stress or lack of motivation/interest.
Like anything else in Computer Science, projects require you to break it down into smaller pieces. Start with the end in mind and draw out the intended architecture/functionalities. Start with what you know and research on the parts you don't know after that. You will be using these skills often in industry for any project/feature planning.
Spending 15-30 minutes a day is all you need to make a successful personal project. Don't make excuses and get coding!

Open Source Contributions

If you’ve ever noticed popular github repositories such as torvalds/linux, these are repositories where people from all over the world can report issues with it and someone can fix it. If you are able to make a contribution to a huge open source repository, it looks really good on your resume.

Hackathons

What are Hackathons?

Hackathons are large scale coding events, where students from around the area come together and collaborate - usually in teams of 4 (but you can go solo or with a partner!) - to build some software. Companies like Amazon, Northrop Grumman, Google, and Twilio sponsor awards related to best use of their technology. After 24 - 48 hours of intensive coding, participants submit their projects, whether it be an Android video game, Chrome Extension, productivity web app, etc. Submissions are shared with the companies and other hackathon organizers, where they select the best projects and award teams with swag like keyboards, gift cards, and even summer internships at their company.
Participating in hackathons are one of the best ways to hone your coding skills, network with companies and other students, and get free comfy T-shirts. It is also one of the best ways to gain industry knowledge, as representatives from these companies and hackathon organizers create numerous workshops and answer any questions you may have. Winning awards at these hackathons are also great resume boosters and talking points during interviews.
The biggest hackathon organizer is Major League Hacking. Visit their website, and you can see all the hackathons (remote or local) they are partnered with. Make to be on the lookout for application release dates from the hackathons and apply early.
With Covid, you may miss out on the free goodies and the in-person networking with students and professionals. However, most hackathons are accepting many more applicants due to it being virtual/remote this year.

What Should I Do At Hacakathons?

Take advantage of the resources available at hackathons. You’re attending a mini CS conference and should be, besides coding, networking with professionals, learning about the different companies, attending workshops, asking technical/non-technical questions to mentors, and getting as much free shit as you can get. Besides T-Shirts, companies give out vouchers to their services, applications to their internship and full-time positions, pillows, notebooks, water bottles, sweaters, and even backpacks.
If you’re looking to get an award, judges at hackathons care a lot about the pitch and the idea rather than the actual execution of the idea. Having an idea beforehand is also helpful, so you can spend your time focusing on the MVP.

Friends and Networking

chaitu65c: I think it’s definitely useful if you have two different friend groups: One dedicated to career and Non-Career Group.
Career Group - When making a friend group dedicated to career, try to be the dumbest person in the group, you’re definitely going to learn a lot from them as you soak up knowledge! Best ways of meeting friends who are career-driven can be through major specific orientation (actually how I met rishiss), courses, major related clubs, etc.
Non-Career Group - While having a group that motivates you for your career is important, it’s also important to have another friend group that can help you relax and to enjoy your time! A really good way to find these friend groups can be anywhere from your hall to General Education courses, social clubs like Circle K, fraternities/ sororities(if that’s your cup of tea) and others!
This is what has worked for us; no need to follow this exact format.

Resume

rishiss: Here are the few take-aways on writing a resume that gets through the ATS.

Searching for Internships

Searching for internships in CS is really different and harder from searching for internships in other professions. CS internship interview processes are often longer and much more technical on what you have learned as a CS major. We've prepped 2-3 months beforehand on CS concepts, whiteboarding, etc.

Timeline

This timeline primarily focuses on large, non-government/defense companies or competitive startups. This also assume you are applying for a summer internship.
August - September: Applications are opened to the public. Make sure to look out for positions and apply early, as most companies admit students on a rolling basis. A site that we used often is Apply.fyi. After applying, you may receive an automated (< 48 hours) invitation to complete an Online Assessment, consisting of multiple choice and/or coding questions about Data Structures, Algorithms, and Run Time Complexity. You will have usually 1-2 weeks to complete the assessment. Please that you may be rejected if you are not able to pass 90% of the questions on the assessment: Please also note that you may be instantly rejected due to things out of your control like years of experience, cancellation of internship, internal corporate issues, and more. Don't take rejections too seriously; just keep applying!
October - November: After passing the resume screen and the OA, you will be contacted by the company's recruiter for a phone screen. During the screen, you will probably be asked a few confirmation questions about your resume, sponsorship, years of experience with X, etc. and minor behavioral questions like what made you apply for this position, what are you pursuing outside of class, etc. You may also receive questions about your CS fundamentals e.g. what is a hashtable, whats the difference between a process and a thread, what is the runtime complexity of sorting a string, etc. As long as you're cool and confident (and not cringe/edgy), this part should be a breeze.
November - Mid January: If you made it through the two Thanos snaps, you will be invited to an onsite “Power-Day,” where interviewees attend 2-4 whiteboard interviews while being grilled on their technical skills and projects. Some companies make applicants go through a panel interview, where a team of 2-5 Software Engineers grill you on technical questions and your resume. You are often pampered with free travel, food, stipends, etc.
December - February: If you were deemed a good fit by the hiring committee, you will be extended an offer to intern at the company during the upcoming summer for 10-12 weeks. Remember, nothing is final until you receive an offer letter in your inbox. Some companies may also place you on a wait-list and offer you a spot if someone were to reject their offer letter.
For government orgs, defense companies, and smaller organizations, the recruiting season starts in February/March and usually ends in April and May. After applying online and passing the resume screen, you will usually be immediately pushed to an on-site interview. Most likely, you will be interviewing with your future boss/co-worker.
Please note that internships are not only offered in the summer, they are provided in the Fall, Winter, and Spring (rare) as well. The competition for these internships is usually lower, and the process usually starts 3-4 months beforehand.

How to get the Interview

Besides following resume tips, make sure to apply to as many places as you can. To get our first internships, we recall applying to approximately 250-300 places before we secured our internship plans for that summer. Also, if you do get ghosted, don’t take it personally, usually, university recruiters often spend so much time reviewing a lot of applications.
Other precautions to take to get noticed are to try attending career fairs if you can, you might be able to get an interview(worst case, free swag!). Other than that, try reaching out to upperclassmen or friends you know that interned and ask for referrals. It’s one of the best ways to get noticed!

What to expect

As part of the interview process, there’s 4 types of interviews that you should make sure you know.
Behavioral Interview: These interviews ask you questions about culture fit such as “Why are you a good candidate” and “Tell me about a time when you ...”
Coding/Technical Interview: These interviews ask you questions similar to what you see on Leetcode and Hackerrank. These interviews are designed to test your Data Structures and Algorithms knowledge.
System Design: System Design involves the interviewer testing your building to design a service/software and test your knowledge of understanding what things to use for the task and how you will integrate them together. You’re definitely not expected to know this and it’s not likely you’re gonna get asked this. Places that could ask you this are Unicorns, Trading Companies and Hedge Funds, and Big Established Companies.
Concurrency/Low Level Interviews: If the company’s biggest product involves low level principles such as networking principles and kernel stuff, there’s a possibility you can get asked this. Places that come to mind are hardware companies and trading firms.
Some companies may adopt only one of these interviews and some may adopt all.

How to Ace the Interview

It’s highly recommended that you look up the interview experiences that other students have faced so that you can potentially filter out companies with red flags and know what questions to expect. Common sources to search up on this would be Reddit (csMajors and cscareerquestions), Jumpstart (Relatively new portal for students), Glassdoor and maybe Blind (Aside from the toxic TC or GTFO culture, they do give good advice on interviews). With that said, here’s some advice we have when you approach each kind of interview we’ve seen.

Advice on Behavioral Interviews

Use the STAR method when describing your experiences. Being quantifiable with the impact of your actions will impress the interviewer.

Advice on Technical Interviews

Begin by reviewing your notes from the Data Structures and Algorithms class. Do not proceed further until you know how to implement these DS and As from scratch with the language of your choice(If you do know python, it’s recommended as there’s a lot of builtin features!). After doing so, we highly recommend a book like CTCI and EPI to gain a review on programming language details and your DS and As. Then, visit sites like LeetCode to practice real questions from major companies. A Facebook Engineer completed 600 LC problems and compiled the most important ones into a list here. During the interview, make sure to talk out loud about possible approaches and tradeoffs before whiteboarding. It is perfectly acceptable (often recommended) to ask the interviewer to ask questions about the problem and get clarification. Once you have an idea in mind and have talked about it with your interviewer, begin whiteboarding. While you talk about the final idea you want to use, write out pseudo code and comments about all the steps you need to implement in order to finish coding your solution. After that, start coding. Make sure to have proper function headers, syntax, spacing, classes/structs, imports, etc. After coding your solution, give a brief explanation and attempt to make it run with less space and in less time (if your solution is not as efficient as you think it can be).

Advice on System Design

These are somewhat hard to approach if you don’t have experience ever doing it. If you do have experience designing and building services in your spare time and as part of your work experience, definitely rely on your experience. An important thing is to definitely ask clarifying questions. There might be hidden requirements you didn’t think about that could drastically change the way you approach the solution.

Advice on Concurrency/Low level

Understand basic principles such as Processes vs Threads (A lot of people don’t know the difference!)TCP vs UDP and how to make an application thread safe. Other than that, it’s recommended that you familiarize yourself with basic OS concepts such as Deadlocks, locks that you can utilize to make an application thread safe, etc.

Searching for Full Time Jobs:

The big bucks.
The process for finding a Full-Time Job is usually very similar to finding an Internship. There’s three main differences are:
  1. Harder Questions. Ex: Google usually asks Leetcode Mediums to Hards + the special Leetcode Hard question that Google asks it’s applicants (they create a new one every year).
  2. More Rounds of Interviewing: For example, Microsoft makes interns do 2 rounds while New Grads do 4 rounds during the onsite part of the process.
  3. Compensation: Interns usually get an hourly rate and, possibly, a housing stipend. New grads, however, are given a yearly salary and, possibly, a sign-on bonus, stocks, and benefits e.g. health insurance, vacation days, etc.
The process for finding a Full-time Job won’t really change as much as finding an internship, but keep in mind that the bar is higher. This is probably the biggest reason why you should look into interning early; by getting an offer at the place you like, you don’t need to go through the daunting process of finding a full-time role.
Get as many offers as you can this time around, so you can negotiate and select the position, company, compensation, and location that works best for you.

Negotiation

Negotiation is a really powerful tool that you can use in the interview process, even as an intern. There’s a lot of guides to negotiation and we recommend Nick Singh’s guide (Look at his LinkedIn and newsletters) for more.

Final Thoughts

University is a probably the most important time of your life and a foundational block of your CS Career. Like any foundation, it must be sturdy and takes a tremendous amount and energy of time to develop. Take advantage of all the resources (like this one) you can get your hands on. Definitely learn from the mistakes people have made and make sure you don’t repeat the same mistakes.
‘Stay hungry. Stay foolish’ - Steve Jobs
Original
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2020.09.17 20:41 SweetyFresh [Pennsylvania] The Unemployment Organizing Committee and Philadelphia Unemployment Project call for the immediate resignation of PA Labor Secretary Jerry Oleksiak

Out of work Pennsylvanians call for resignation of PA Labor Secretary Jerry Oleksiak, citing late and missing benefit payments, jammed phone lines, and ignored pleas for help.
A group of working Pennsylvanians who have lost their jobs as a direct result of the COVID19 crisis have called for the resignation of Gerard Oleksiak, secretary of the Pennsylvania Department of Labor and Industry. The Unemployment Organizing Committee formed in the aftermath of the mass layoffs resulting from the coronavirus pandemic and created a network for unemployed workers to share information and jointly demand fixes for the failures of the Unemployment Compensation office in the state.
https://philaup.org/web/the-unemployment-organizing-committee-and-philadelphia-unemployment-project-call-for-the-immediate-resignation-of-pa-labor-secretary-jerry-oleksiak/
Florence Corcoran, a physical therapist who lost her job on March 20th, is a UOC member who has not received any payments from the UC office. She called the communications she received from the Department of Labor “effectively indiscernible.” “We need people to answer the phones, hire more people, answer emails, do anything to get people their unemployment compensation. It’s a little ridiculous that I’ve been waiting 17 weeks.”
Another out of work Philadelphian, Andrew W., said, “I’m just about out of savings to get me through May and now June. I’m literally on the food lines but my bills are late.” He was laid off in early April. “I apologize for being frustrated but I am. And I’m worried.”
A letter drafted by the UOC notes that “over 1.7 million individuals in Pennsylvania are unemployed as a direct result of the pandemic. To date, approximately 280,000 citizens of the Commonwealth have not received any unemployment benefits. These claims date back to mid-March. Your failure to address the systemic problems that the department continues to allow going unresolved is unacceptable.”
The Unemployment Organizing Committee works alongside the Philadelphia Unemployment Project, a non-profit organization that since 1975 has advocated for unemployed and low income Pennsylvanians, fair wages, and just housing policies.
The letter calling for Sec. Oleksiak’s resignation below.
submitted by SweetyFresh to Unemployment [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 20:26 feshroll NO SHAME TOUR FAQ Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

the first thread (which you can find here!) has been archived, so in case anyone has any more questions about tour, feel free to ask them here!
No Shame Tour is slated to officially take off in Australia, March 2021. Any future updates will be posted as they get announced.

COMMONLY ASKED QUESTIONS

  1. What does the Soundcheck VIP package entail?
*See date for details
(source)
For reference, during their Meet You There Tour, the boys played 2 songs during soundcheck. Also keep in mind that it isn't specified as to whether or not soundcheck gains early access to the floor this tour.

2) How does the soundcheck process go?
Assuming this tour follows a similar process to Meet You There, soundcheck holders will have a separate, dedicated line. Before you line up, however, you will first have to go to the ticket booth/stand in order to claim your tickets (as you may have noticed, soundcheck tickets are "Will Call"). You will need a photo ID matching the name on your order. Live Nation will send you an email with specific details depending on your venue a few days prior to the show, so look out for that!
After you line up, soundcheck will be let in a few hours before the show. The boys will perform a song before starting the Q&A--yes, you can get chosen to ask a question, but you are not guaranteed this opportunity--before performing one last song. During Meet You There, fans were not allowed to record the soundcheck experience. Nothing suggests that this policy will change for No Shame.
After the boys leave to go prepare for the show, fans will be allowed early access to get merchandise before returning to their seats/the floor.

3) When should I start camping if I want barricade?
There is no exact answer for this, but note that it's not unusual for fans to camp out overnight, so if you really want barricade this might be necessary. Of course you can always just show up super early the day of the show, but there is no guarantee that you will get barricade. It's also important to ask the venue if you're even allowed to camp--some venues will not allow you to queue until a certain time so please check with them just in case!

4) Is the pit really that bad?
This is subjective. To be perfectly honest with you, the pit can get pretty bad at times. Of course it's not as bad as an actual mosh pit where you'll find a circle of death, but it can be rabid. If you are claustrophobic and cannot handle getting pushed around, do NOT get general admission! Ultimately the pit experience is one of a kind--not that you can't have fun if you have seats--but it's not for everyone. People will push, shove, and pull. I highly recommend drinking water, eating, and going to the bathroom before as you will lose your spot if you leave during the show. Keep in mind that you will be standing for the entirety of the concert (opening act, the boys), so it will be tiring.

5) What's camping like? What should I bring?
If you plan on camping out, make sure you stay hydrated and eat!! It's important to keep yourself healthy so you're prepared for the show. Bring a portable so you stay charged up and a blanket/towel to sit on if you're camping out for a while. If you're going alone (or even if you're already going with friends), I cannot emphasize enough how much I recommend making friends on line. It really helps to pass time when you're waiting and now you have new friends who are also into the band! Knowing people on line can also be helpful because now you have someone who can vouch for your spot on the line (sometimes people will try to cut) as well as hold your spot while you get food and drink. Other things you should bring include:
  1. a small bag (don't bring a huge bag! some venues have restrictions on the size of bags you can bring inside), preferably clear. Adidas sells a cute clear festival bag that I like to use. This will help you get through security faster since the guards can see everything instead of having to dig through your bag.
  2. a plastic water bottle cap. Most venues will not let you keep the cap on the water bottles they sell since they don't want to risk people throwing them on stage. I usually just slip one in my jean pocket and I get through just fine.
  3. a small wallet (cardholder), if possible. Clutches are cute and all but they're just inconvenient when you want to carry as little as possible. Bring some cash and your card if you have one.
Something you should absolutely not bring is a metal water bottle. Yes, the environment, I know, but most venues will ask you to throw it away for the sake of security. It's stupid, but that's how it works. You're free to bring a plastic water bottle if you wish, but some venues are very picky so I'd rather not risk it.
Speaking of metal, make sure you don't have any coins or small pieces of metal on you so you can get through the metal detector as quick as possible.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave them down below! Please also feel free to answer any said questions if you can :)
submitted by feshroll to 5sos [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 14:37 readingrachelx Housewife highlights/Daily shit talk - September 17th, 2020

Gizelle Bryant: "What happened with Candiace and Monique was just shocking and unnecessary," Gizelle Bryant told E! News exclusively before echoing what she said in the RHOP season five trailer about the racism the cast faces as Black women. "The stereotype in this country is that Black women are aggressive. That we're violent. That we don't know how to have conversations without there being some sort of violence. We are viewed as less than. We are viewed as borderline animals," Gizelle explained. "So, if we are on a national platform as Black women, clearly, we don't want to show white America that we are what they think we are, which are women that cannot use their brains and use their words to get through a difficult situation."
Robyn Dixon: "This altercation, whatever you want to call it, was so shocking and surprising, and unnecessary. It was unfortunate. I mean, it just really shook us all because we weren't expecting something like this. If it was a case where you felt like the tensions were so high that two people couldn't be in a room together without getting physical then we wouldn't have been in the room together, you know? We wouldn't have had those two in the room together. So in our minds there was nothing that really made it OK for that to happen. So it definitely rocked us and shook us to our core big time. It changed the dynamic greatly in the group, because there were so many emotions. We were disappointed. We were shocked. We were hurt. And then you just have the fallout from it, it was a tough time to get through as a group, and it totally wasn't necessary."
Wendy Osefo: "I wish that that incident never happened. If I had a magic wand I would completely remove it. I think it's something that impacted all of us deeply as a cast and i just wish that they were able to handle it differently."
Ashley Darby: "I was shocked that it got to that point only because of where we were at the time. As you'll see, things had transpired but I didn't necessarily anticipate that they would come to a head as fast as they did. So it was a bit surprising, but if there's one thing I know it's that both of them are very spirited and they can tend to say things that are really heated and when you put two people like that together, you never know what you're going to get in an altercation."
Karen Huger: "Lemme put it this way: two wrongs never make a right. That altercation was a powerful moment, it had repercussions on all of the ladies. But what I believe about us and I think the viewers will agree is that we're able to work through it because we have authentic friendships and relationships that are strong enough, I believe, to carry us through." Karen added, "Again, we don't do altercations, we use our words and I'm confident that we can get back to using our words after this season. You'll see a lot of work going on."
As for whether they think Monique and Candiace might one day reconcile, Robyn says it will all come down to the upcoming RHOP season five reunion taping. "I've been at a place before on season three with Ashley. She really was just attacking my family and my life, and I was like, I never want to be around her. I was livid and adamant that I would never have anything to do with her. And then it was two weeks later and I'm in the same room with her, and we're having a pow wow," Robyn said. "So, things can be worked out, but this situation here is like so much deeper, it's gotten really nasty. I think we're going to have to see what these ladies will talk about at the reunion, and if people take accountability for their actions, if they have any type of remorse or if it's going to be a whole lot of finger pointing. That's going to be the telltale sign of whether we can get through it, if people can actually own their actions, and have some sort of remorse for them, because that's the only way you get through it. Otherwise it's like if you can't own your actions, then how do we know this isn't going to happen again. Like we really don't want this to ever happen again. But if you can accept responsibility for your actions. Then, we're not sure that this would never happen again. You know it's going to take a good reunion to sort through all of it, and it's not that a reunion can fix it all but at least show us that we're making progress. It won't be easy."
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2020.09.17 06:53 rishiss A /r/cscareerquestions College Survival Guide

A /cscareerquestions College Survival Guide

With our final school year beginning, we were reflecting on how lost and confused we were when we first started university. We made a lot of mistakes (still am) along the way, but we’re in a much better place after learning from them and constantly putting ourselves out there. In hopes of shining some light and helping others, we decided to make a comprehensive guide for university students – based on our knowledge/experiences - on how to start your successful CS Career (or gain the wisdom to avoid CS altogether, more on this later).
rishiss Background: I am a 4th year student at UC Irvine majoring in Software Engineering. I am an incoming Software Engineer at a F100 company (received return offer after interning this summer). Before that, I interned at an R & D center for space, a small cloud company, and a small IT company. I have a 3.65 GPA, won a few awards at startup competitions/hackathons, and remain pretty active in my schools CS organizations.
chaitu65c Background: I’m a 4th year student at UC Irvine majoring in Computer Science. I’m currently a SWE Intern at a Unicorn and just wrapped up my 2nd internship at a Live Streaming Company(you can most likely tell who they are if you browse my history LOL). Before this, I interned at my school’s IT department, did research under a professor, and worked on a few small startups that other UCI students were building. I have a 3.3 GPA, won some awards along rishiss and was pretty active in my school’s CS clubs.
Disclaimer: “But rishiss/ and chaitu65c, you don’t work at a Big N, go to a target CS school, why should I take your advice?” You’re absolutely right; we are, by no means, ‘up there’ like some other folks on this sub. And, you don’t have to take our advice! Simply close this tab and do whatever else you want 😊. Our intent is to guide and prepare uni students for a CS career they enjoy, not work at Big N or get the highest TC. Life is much more than a dick-measuring contest, and the earlier you learn that the better.
We have also created a guide with our own personal advice/stories

Please, take this advice with a grain of salt. we’re not Tony Robinson or Tim Apple, we’re just two random reddit users.

Table of Contents:

This guide is divided into the following sections:

Is CS Right For Me?

The way we see it, there’s 3 types of people pursuing CS.
  1. Those who know CS isn’t for them – They’re in it for the money, to appease their parents, for a minorequirement, some external factor. They hated programming while taking the introductory CS course and just try to get done with their class/degree ASAP.
Advice: The majority of people who fall under this usually burn out quickly, as they aren’t motivated enough to learn the material and to apply themselves. This usually leads to them cheating and getting kicked out of their major, minor, or university altogether. Even if you manage to earn a degree, we've seen a large number of these folks endure a 'pre-mature' mid-life crisis or simply get fired from their jobs. Before you even start this major, you should definitely understand that this isn’t going to be easy, and you do have to put in a lot of effort to succeed. If this isn’t your cup of tea, definitely look into switching into another major you like.
Some folks are really passionate about technology, but don't want to pursue an entire Computer Science major or see themselves as Software Engineers. That's completely ok! Try looking into related majors or minors. We know many students who switched from CS to majors like Informatics, Business Information Management, and Economics and are thriving in tech-related roles like Data Analytics, Product Management, UI/UX Design, and Technical Recruiting. CS is not (and should not be) for everyone, and there is no shame in having the wisdom quit and move on.
  1. Those who don’t know if CS is for them – Where most of the CS community is IMO. These folks (like me, rishiss) are riddled with something called Imposter Syndrome: “the constant feeling of not being good enough or knowing enough to do your job well.”
Advice: For students, really take the time to learn and be open to anything you go through. Try sticking it out until you've taken a Data Structures course, one of the harder, more important courses out there. If you're not understanding the material or just aren't having fun with it, it’s definitely ok to switch majors/careers. Otherwise, CS just might be the career for you! Give it your best shot!
Admittedly, it's hard to provide stronger insight to overcoming Imposter Syndrome, as I am afflicted by it as well. For me, my IS derives from constantly comparing myself to others and confusing inexperience with incompetency. As such, I continue to work and focus on myself and take baby steps towards smaller goals I set out for myself. Knowing that I've put the effort to improve myself by just 1% everyday has made me a lot more confident.
  1. Those who know for a fact CS is for them – The diamonds in the rough. Learning and practicing CS material gives them a euphoric high.
Advice: Broaden your scope and learn new areas of CS! Who knows, you might find another new field that you really want to work in. Other than that, definitely make new friends regardless of whether they’re a CS major or not. Even try pursuing other hobbies like weightlifting, reading, dancing, or even public speaking. Don't limit yourself!

Freshman Year

We recommend not taking more than 3-4 classes in your first quartesemester, as you shouold keep an ample amount of time to go to professional/social events, make new friends and hang out with them, and pursue your interests.
We've seen a lot of freshmen (and upperclassmen) CS folks get cooped up in their dorm rooms playing video games and watching TV. We understand that these two are a passion for many, but please be cautious to not get consumed by them.
You have the privilege of pursuing higher education, making valuable connections/memories, and setting up your CS career in the trajectory you want. This year is the best year to take advantage of all that university has to offer; make the most of it.
One of the best ways to get involved in your school’s/region’s CS community is by joining clubs like ACM and WICS and participating in hackathons (see ‘Hackathon’ section below). Try pursuing internships and positions in these organizations and events as well!
One, major issue we see with freshmen (even upperclassmen) is their ignorance on all the avenues available in the CS Industry. So we’ve tried to narrow it down (not exhaustive).
  1. Cyber Security Engineer
  2. Front-End Web Developer
  3. Backend Web Developer
  4. UI/UX Designer
  5. DevOps/Cloud/Site-Reliability Engineers
  6. Mobile Engineer
  7. QA Engineer
  8. Product Manager
  9. Data Scientist (Machine Learning/AI)
  10. Embedded Software Engineer
  11. Systems Administrator
  12. Database Administrator (The Wizards)
  13. Networking Engineer
  14. Hardware Engineer
  15. OS Developer
  16. Video Game Developer
  17. Solutions Architect/Sales EngineeTechnical Account Manager
As a freshman, definitely take the time and see if you can picture yourself doing any of the listed fields. You should open yourself to all facets of CS and not just the “hot field” like Data Science and Machine Learning. Choosing a field because it’s “exciting” will usually lead to bad results as usually, other people are thinking just like you and will lead to over-saturation.
Our recommendation is to select the top 5 fields that have piqued your interest and experiment with the field. For example, if you are interested in Mobile App Development, try learning how to build an Android app from the ground up. A simple weather app or alarm clock is completely suitable for a first project/prototype. This lets you understand what skills you would need for this field and can serve as a forecast as to what your career would look like.
You should definitely look for an internship. Ignore the people that tell you to wait until you’re a junior, as it’s going to be very hard to get an internship if you don’t have any experience. Common places that most students don’t realize are available are usually IT departments at your school and even research with professors. Researching is highly recommended as you can definitely learn more about a field you can be interested in and if you’re interested in graduate school, that’s going to be a letter of recommendation that you can ask for.
If you’re considered a minority in Computer Science, look into first and second year internship programs as they’re meant to help you succeed. Here’s some programs that come to mind:
Google STEP
Microsoft Explore
Amazon Future Engineer
Uber STARInternhip
Facebook University
Another way to get internships is to research into smaller companies in your area. If the company is very small (<100 employees), consider reaching out to the CEO on LinkedIn. They might be able to help you! Also, take advantage of university recruiting websites like Handshake to see companies that directly hire from your school. More info on how to get an internship in the ‘Searching for an Internship’ section.

Sophomore Year

Now that you have basic programming knowledge, create your own website or GitHub account and start contributing to them with small personal projects. Nobody expects you to make a full-stack MERN project hosted and scaled on AWS at this stage. Focus instead on clean code, learning a framework or two on a language you like, and creating a small, robust feature. Grow from there!
If you weren’t able to find an internship/research opportunity as a freshman, community involvement, projects, and hackathons become especially important, as they are a great way to make you stand out on your resume and to recruiters when you reapply. As you brush up on your skills, apply again, and try your luck out.

Data Structures and Algorithms

In addition, you are most likely to take a Data Structures and Algorithms course this year. Make sure you are focusing on this class and writing good notes; you will need this knowledge when interviewing for internships and full-time jobs in the near future. Here is a link to our DS and A course (in C++) for reference

Junior Year

As a junior, companies are more willing to hire you for an internship, as they are likely to convert you into a full-time employee after graduating. This transition process is much easier than interviewing, and they'll usually offer you a higher compensation package if they want to convert you to a full-time employee. As you now should have knowledge of Data Structures and Algorithms, we highly recommend looking into coding interview prep sites like LeetCode and HackerRank or purchasing a prep book like CTCI or EPI (advanced).
Continue to attend hackathons, remain active in clubs/organizations, and grow your portfolio.
Classes will be much harder; expect the time for completing projects to double and the content covered to be much more difficult. We recommend taking no more than 2-3 upper-division CS courses and balancing your load with 1-2 GE classes. You should not be taking more than 16 units (assuming 4 units per course).
Start to get an idea of what field in CS you would like to pursue. Research what it takes to be successful in that field. You can do so by looking up job postings with that title on LinkedIn and looking at the requested skill set or take a look at Roadmap.sh. If you want to learn more about a related skill set and your school doesn't offer a course, consider picking up a class on udemy.com.

Senior Year

Focus heavily on your senior capstone, project classes, etc. as they're the last thing you can put on your resume before applying for full time. By now, you should have at least 3 polished, working projects on your GitHub that you can easily talk about with your recruiter. Preferably, they're aligned with the CS field you wish to enter.
If you were able to get a return offer from an internship, congrats! However, don’t immediately sign the offer. Once you have an offer, you should still try to interview at companies that you’re interested in by the deadline of the time to accept the offer. A good way of doing this is to reach out to a University recruiter for that company and explain the deadline you have. Usually, they’re really helpful and can potentially help skip interviews that you were supposed to do!
In addition, if your friends were able to intern at places you’re interested in, definitely ask for a referral or to send your resume to their recruiter. This usually reduces the risk of being ghosted by that company and increases your chances of getting hired!
Once you finally sign, definitely take the time to relax and enjoy. Just make sure you pass your classes and stay out of trouble

Classes:

What Classes should I take?

Should Already be Required:

Must Take:

Good to Have

How do I succeed in these classes?

rishiss: You’re more than likely coughing up hundreds, if not thousands, to attend university. It makes no sense to not take full advantage of the course and course staff.
The way I take notes: I learn from examples; I want to enter my code into the IDE to see what happens. I do a three way split; Google Docs on the left, IDE on top right and terminal (to compile, see output, make new file, etc) on bottom left. I note down the date and topic of the lecture and write questions I have in the comments on Docs. I make sure to highlight important information and possible test questions. I even share the link with friends!

In the quarters where I followed the steps above, I never got a grade lower than an A-.

Dealing with Bad Professors

During your time in college, you’re likely going to have at least one bad professor that might make it worse if you have to go to class. If that’s the case, it’s definitely fine to not go to class (as long as it’s not mandatory). However, if you do decide not to go, you must make sure you learn the material, so you won’t be behind on the coursework and studying for tests. In addition, you should be doing something productive on the side. If you don’t go to class and spend the time watching Netflix or playing video games, you’re losing time that you can spend on something that might be fun and can help you in the long run.

You can take Graduate Courses!?

chaitu65c: A highly underutilized set of courses you can take would be graduate courses. Graduate courses are usually very specialized in certain fields. If you were able to take all the undergraduate courses you wanted and still have spare classes to fill out, I'd recommend researching into taking Graduate courses! They’re a good way to build out your specialization and learn new, cool stuff! In addition, if you’re looking for classes to reach the required number of CS courses needed, your CS department might allow you to make the course count towards your degree!

Projects

They're super important.

How do I succeed in class projects?

Personal Projects and your CS Career

rishiss: Projects are your saving grace, especially if you are lacking work experience. They show technical aptitude, willingness to take initiative, and leadership. I’ve seen people with only projects on their resume get positions at the Big N. Projects are good ways to expand your knowledge of CS as the possibilities are endless! It is best to have a variety of projects dealing with a variety of technologies. As such, you can open yourself up to more positions and have more talking points during the interview.
I tend to edit the ‘Project’ Section of my resume with relevant projects and technologies. For instance, if I made a full stack web application and applied to a DevOps organization, I would highlight my AWS, CI/CD, and Terraform experiences more than my React/Node js work.
It is recommend the project is about something that motivates you and are passionate about e.g. video games, movies, books, sports, etc., as it is very easy to give up half way due to stress or lack of motivation/interest.
Like anything else in Computer Science, projects require you to break it down into smaller pieces. Start with the end in mind and draw out the intended architecture/functionalities. Start with what you know and research on the parts you don't know after that. You will be using these skills often in industry for any project/feature planning.
Spending 15-30 minutes a day is all you need to make a successful personal project. Don't make excuses and get coding!

Open Source Contributions

If you’ve ever noticed popular github repositories such as torvalds/linux, these are repositories where people from all over the world can report issues with it and someone can fix it. If you are able to make a contribution to a huge open source repository, it looks really good on your resume.

Hackathons

What are Hackathons?

Hackathons are large scale coding events, where students from around the area come together and collaborate - usually in teams of 4 (but you can go solo or with a partner!) - to build some software. Companies like Amazon, Northrop Grumman, Google, and Twilio sponsor awards related to best use of their technology. After 24 - 48 hours of intensive coding, participants submit their projects, whether it be an Android video game, Chrome Extension, productivity web app, etc. Submissions are shared with the companies and other hackathon organizers, where they select the best projects and award teams with swag like keyboards, gift cards, and even summer internships at their company.
Participating in hackathons are one of the best ways to hone your coding skills, network with companies and other students, and get free comfy T-shirts. It is also one of the best ways to gain industry knowledge, as representatives from these companies and hackathon organizers create numerous workshops and answer any questions you may have. Winning awards at these hackathons are also great resume boosters and talking points during interviews.
The biggest hackathon organizer is Major League Hacking. Visit their website, and you can see all the hackathons (remote or local) they are partnered with. Make to be on the lookout for application release dates from the hackathons and apply early.
With Covid, you may miss out on the free goodies and the in-person networking with students and professionals. However, most hackathons are accepting many more applicants due to it being virtual/remote this year.

What Should I Do At Hacakathons?

Take advantage of the resources available at hackathons. You’re attending a mini CS conference and should be, besides coding, networking with professionals, learning about the different companies, attending workshops, asking technical/non-technical questions to mentors, and getting as much free shit as you can get. Besides T-Shirts, companies give out vouchers to their services, applications to their internship and full-time positions, pillows, notebooks, water bottles, sweaters, and even backpacks.
If you’re looking to get an award, judges at hackathons care a lot about the pitch and the idea rather than the actual execution of the idea. Having an idea beforehand is also helpful, so you can spend your time focusing on the MVP.

Friends and Networking

chaitu65c: I think it’s definitely useful if you have two different friend groups: One dedicated to career and Non-Career Group.
Career Group - When making a friend group dedicated to career, try to be the dumbest person in the group, you’re definitely going to learn a lot from them as you soak up knowledge! Best ways of meeting friends who are career-driven can be through major specific orientation (actually how I met rishiss), courses, major related clubs, etc.
Non-Career Group - While having a group that motivates you for your career is important, it’s also important to have another friend group that can help you relax and to enjoy your time! A really good way to find these friend groups can be anywhere from your hall to General Education courses, social clubs like Circle K, fraternities/ sororities(if that’s your cup of tea) and others!
This is what has worked for us; no need to follow this exact format.

Resume

rishiss: Here are the few take-aways on writing a resume that gets through the ATS.

Searching for Internships

Searching for internships in CS is really different and harder from searching for internships in other professions. CS internship interview processes are often longer and much more technical on what you have learned as a CS major. We've prepped 2-3 months beforehand on CS concepts, whiteboarding, etc.

Timeline

This timeline primarily focuses on large, non-government/defense companies or competitive startups. This also assume you are applying for a summer internship.
August - September: Applications are opened to the public. Make sure to look out for positions and apply early, as most companies admit students on a rolling basis. A site that we used often is Apply.fyi. After applying, you may receive an automated (< 48 hours) invitation to complete an Online Assessment, consisting of multiple choice and/or coding questions about Data Structures, Algorithms, and Run Time Complexity. You will have usually 1-2 weeks to complete the assessment. Please that you may be rejected if you are not able to pass 90% of the questions on the assessment: Please also note that you may be instantly rejected due to things out of your control like years of experience, cancellation of internship, internal corporate issues, and more. Don't take rejections too seriously; just keep applying!
October - November: After passing the resume screen and the OA, you will be contacted by the company's recruiter for a phone screen. During the screen, you will probably be asked a few confirmation questions about your resume, sponsorship, years of experience with X, etc. and minor behavioral questions like what made you apply for this position, what are you pursuing outside of class, etc. You may also receive questions about your CS fundamentals e.g. what is a hashtable, whats the difference between a process and a thread, what is the runtime complexity of sorting a string, etc. As long as you're cool and confident (and not cringe/edgy), this part should be a breeze.
November - Mid January: If you made it through the two Thanos snaps, you will be invited to an onsite “Power-Day,” where interviewees attend 2-4 whiteboard interviews while being grilled on their technical skills and projects. Some companies make applicants go through a panel interview, where a team of 2-5 Software Engineers grill you on technical questions and your resume. You are often pampered with free travel, food, stipends, etc.
December - February: If you were deemed a good fit by the hiring committee, you will be extended an offer to intern at the company during the upcoming summer for 10-12 weeks. Remember, nothing is final until you receive an offer letter in your inbox. Some companies may also place you on a wait-list and offer you a spot if someone were to reject their offer letter.
For government orgs, defense companies, and smaller organizations, the recruiting season starts in February/March and usually ends in April and May. After applying online and passing the resume screen, you will usually be immediately pushed to an on-site interview. Most likely, you will be interviewing with your future boss/co-worker.
Please note that internships are not only offered in the summer, they are provided in the Fall, Winter, and Spring (rare) as well. The competition for these internships is usually lower, and the process usually starts 3-4 months beforehand.

How to get the Interview

Besides following resume tips, make sure to apply to as many places as you can. To get our first internships, we recall applying to approximately 250-300 places before we secured our internship plans for that summer. Also, if you do get ghosted, don’t take it personally, usually, university recruiters often spend so much time reviewing a lot of applications.
Other precautions to take to get noticed are to try attending career fairs if you can, you might be able to get an interview(worst case, free swag!). Other than that, try reaching out to upperclassmen or friends you know that interned and ask for referrals. It’s one of the best ways to get noticed!

What to expect

As part of the interview process, there’s 4 types of interviews that you should make sure you know.
Behavioral Interview: These interviews ask you questions about culture fit such as “Why are you a good candidate” and “Tell me about a time when you ...”
Coding/Technical Interview: These interviews ask you questions similar to what you see on Leetcode and Hackerrank. These interviews are designed to test your Data Structures and Algorithms knowledge.
System Design: System Design involves the interviewer testing your building to design a service/software and test your knowledge of understanding what things to use for the task and how you will integrate them together. You’re definitely not expected to know this and it’s not likely you’re gonna get asked this. Places that could ask you this are Unicorns, Trading Companies and Hedge Funds, and Big Established Companies.
Concurrency/Low Level Interviews: If the company’s biggest product involves low level principles such as networking principles and kernel stuff, there’s a possibility you can get asked this. Places that come to mind are hardware companies and trading firms.
Some companies may adopt only one of these interviews and some may adopt all.

How to Ace the Interview

It’s highly recommended that you look up the interview experiences that other students have faced so that you can potentially filter out companies with red flags and know what questions to expect. Common sources to search up on this would be Reddit (csMajors and cscareerquestions), Jumpstart (Relatively new portal for students), Glassdoor and maybe Blind (Aside from the toxic TC or GTFO culture, they do give good advice on interviews). With that said, here’s some advice we have when you approach each kind of interview we’ve seen.

Advice on Behavioral Interviews

Use the STAR method when describing your experiences. Being quantifiable with the impact of your actions will impress the interviewer.

Advice on Technical Interviews

Begin by reviewing your notes from the Data Structures and Algorithms class. Do not proceed further until you know how to implement these DS and As from scratch with the language of your choice(If you do know python, it’s recommended as there’s a lot of builtin features!). After doing so, we highly recommend a book like CTCI and EPI to gain a review on programming language details and your DS and As. Then, visit sites like LeetCode to practice real questions from major companies. A Facebook Engineer completed 600 LC problems and compiled the most important ones into a list here. During the interview, make sure to talk out loud about possible approaches and tradeoffs before whiteboarding. It is perfectly acceptable (often recommended) to ask the interviewer to ask questions about the problem and get clarification. Once you have an idea in mind and have talked about it with your interviewer, begin whiteboarding. While you talk about the final idea you want to use, write out pseudo code and comments about all the steps you need to implement in order to finish coding your solution. After that, start coding. Make sure to have proper function headers, syntax, spacing, classes/structs, imports, etc. After coding your solution, give a brief explanation and attempt to make it run with less space and in less time (if your solution is not as efficient as you think it can be).

Advice on System Design

These are somewhat hard to approach if you don’t have experience ever doing it. If you do have experience designing and building services in your spare time and as part of your work experience, definitely rely on your experience. An important thing is to definitely ask clarifying questions. There might be hidden requirements you didn’t think about that could drastically change the way you approach the solution.

Advice on Concurrency/Low level

Understand basic principles such as Processes vs Threads (A lot of people don’t know the difference!)TCP vs UDP and how to make an application thread safe. Other than that, it’s recommended that you familiarize yourself with basic OS concepts such as Deadlocks, locks that you can utilize to make an application thread safe, etc.

Searching for Full Time Jobs:

The big bucks.
The process for finding a Full-Time Job is usually very similar to finding an Internship. There’s three main differences are:
  1. Harder Questions. Ex: Google usually asks Leetcode Mediums to Hards + the special Leetcode Hard question that Google asks it’s applicants (they create a new one every year).
  2. More Rounds of Interviewing: For example, Microsoft makes interns do 2 rounds while New Grads do 4 rounds during the onsite part of the process.
  3. Compensation: Interns usually get an hourly rate and, possibly, a housing stipend. New grads, however, are given a yearly salary and, possibly, a sign-on bonus, stocks, and benefits e.g. health insurance, vacation days, etc.
The process for finding a Full-time Job won’t really change as much as finding an internship, but keep in mind that the bar is higher. This is probably the biggest reason why you should look into interning early; by getting an offer at the place you like, you don’t need to go through the daunting process of finding a full-time role.
Get as many offers as you can this time around, so you can negotiate and select the position, company, compensation, and location that works best for you.

Negotiation

Negotiation is a really powerful tool that you can use in the interview process, even as an intern. There’s a lot of guides to negotiation and we recommend Nick Singh’s guide (Look at his LinkedIn and newsletters) for more.

Final Thoughts

University is a probably the most important time of your life and a foundational block of your CS Career. Like any foundation, it must be sturdy and takes a tremendous amount and energy of time to develop. Take advantage of all the resources (like this one) you can get your hands on. Definitely learn from the mistakes people have made and make sure you don’t repeat the same mistakes.
‘Stay hungry. Stay foolish’ - Steve Jobs
submitted by rishiss to cscareerquestions [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 06:28 chonkier Posting on reddit until I get a girlfriend #178

Day 1: I know this isn’t the most creative thing to do here, but I have never been in any sort of relationship and hoped I could get some advice from you redditors. This might take over a year or more to do before I either get one or give up, but good luck future me I guess...
Day 2: No
Day 3: Any tips on how I should hit up my crush?
Day 4: Thinking about messaging her and saying hey to get a conversation started but I have to work up the nerves to do it
Day 5: Love it when I have no internet for online school
Day 6: Beep Boop
Day 7: I think I might wait to try anything until this whole global pandemic thing slows down. It’s been a week and Ill Ive done is realize how boring I am with these posts lol. Probably wouldnt be thinking about this so much if soccer season wasnt cancelled... Anyway, beep boop bye boys. That was a lot of writing...
Day 8: I DID IT GUYS! I TALKED TO A GIRL! Jk no I didnt lol
Day 9: Yes this is day 9.
Day 10: After 10 days, my preditction for how long this will go on is... idk fucking forever
Day 11: I tried starting a conversation with my crush on snapchat and she didnt even open it :(
Day 12: Last night she responded to my snap message from 2 days ago and now we might have a streak
Day 13: I am bored today no news lads
Day 14: We dont talk about day 14
Day 15: I have acquired a 4 day streak with my crush and I rly want to talk to her but my scaredness is overtaking my temptation
Day 16: Nothing happened today
Day 17: When you cant stop thinking about a person is not an epic gamer moment, especially cuz we’re stuck at home and cant do anything about it. i want this to be over already so i can try to talk to her.
Day 18: Hi again guys and gals
Day 19: Dont worry Im just passin’ by you sorting by new
Day 20: Woohoo day 20! I tried to talk to her... i snapped her and said hey but she didnt even open it i guess she dont care. that was last night too.
Day 21: Now beginning to realize that this has the potential to take years
Day 22: Just passing by your feed for the day hope you guys are doing well :)
Day 23: Hello
Day 24: Hello #2
Day 25: How are you guys doing today?
Day 26: If I was a news network, I would be bankrupt because I have no news
Day 27: Helloooo
Day 28: I want someone to talk to lol
Day 29: Hello #3
Day 30: Hooray day 30 only like 2 more years to go
Day 31: Im pretty much giving up on talking to girls online so im gonna wait until school starts in the fall and start trying there, so the minimum for this chain of posts in probably like 150.
Day 32: I officially give up... for now
Day 33: 333333
Day 34: technically its actually day ((9(4)+8)/2)+(3(4))
Day 35: Life huh
Day 36: So glad I finally have someone to talk to here on reddit
Day 37: Today’s date is April 28th
Day 38: I almost have 20 followers from doing this like what
Day 39: Its getting harder to remember to post
Day 40: A new milestone aha
Day 41: shit wack
Day 42: Bing bong your opinion is wrong
Day 43: What videogames do you guys play
Day 44: Badabadabada babaaa badabadaba badabaaaaaaaa
Day 45: Whats ur favorite color
Day 46: Day 40 feels like yesterday wth
Day 47: Ice cream yum yum
Day 48: Im posting this at 4:20
Day 49: Ok, so like, um, haha, maybe?
Day 50: Ah, day fifty. You know, I heard that a girl doesn’t want you if they don’t text you first. And guess what happened today.... Nobody texted me I don’t think a girl has ever texted me first now that I think about it
Day 51: I looked at the mirror today and I was like damn i look sexy ahahaha
Day 52: egg
Day 53: Tomorrow’s my last day of online school yerrrrrrr - Also I have somehow now gained 32 reddit followers from doing this shit
Day 54: Shablam shazam
Day 55: Dos rosquillas por favor
Day 56: Is it just me or do the colors purple and turquoise go perfectly together
Day 57: Hangin out with my friend shut up stupid i dont care
Day 58:
Day 59: B
Day 60: I
Day 61: N
Day 62: G
Day 63:
Day 64: The days are beginning to feel shorter and faster...
Day 65: holy hell
Day 66: But you gotta fall back from doing all that extra Why you dancin wit the devil
Day 67: Im the definition of a bandit
Day 68: Idk why bro but i cant get over her even though i only barely ever see her on sc... today was her birthday and i said happy birthday she said thank you.. im ranting but tomorrow eh? nice.
Day 69: Self explanatory joke please leave your laughs in the comments.
Day 70: I accidentally flushed one of my airpods down the toilet when it fell off so now I only have one airpod. it sucks and im sad and then im even more sad bc i realize that having one airpod is this big of a problem to me
Day 71: big sad?
Day 72: Hooga Badooga Googa
Day 73: The internet ruined me
Day 74: I dont want my depression to come back but today I felt it for the first time in a while...
Day 75: Nononononono I changed this one
Day 76: Summer is cool and all, looking at snapchat stories of all the people you know hanging out with each other while sitting in bed alone
Day 77: Hung out with friends today, UNO reverse card ()()()
Day 78: Bliggle ba giggle diggle
Day 79: Have you ever put butter on a poptart... It’s so frickin good... Have you ever put butter on a poptart... If you haven’t then I think you should
Day 80: •_•
Day 81: He just gon’ throw shots at you before he throw subliminals
Day 82: mBeebopmSkeetleebebopmDopm
Day 83: You a lame, you aint gang, so I cant hang with ya
Day 84: He haw he haw
Day 85: I have 78 followers because of this. 78.
Day 86: RipCity?
Day 87: Salmon, rice, mango
Day 88: Yall ever just E E E E
Day 89: xue hua piao piao bei feng xiao xiao
Day 90: Just mixed the Bape with the Simons, my bad
Day 91: There are two types of lonely people. Those that are lonely by choice, and those that are lonely due to circumstances. And I don’t know which one I am.
Day 92: I want to kill myself. I hate my family I hate everyone nothing is good I want to die
Day 93: I think Im bipolar. I either feel very happy or very sad and I think these posts are kinda proof of that. I try my best to stay happy but its hard a lot of the time. Anyway, IgotblackIgotwhitewatchuwant
Day 94: Im gonna start rating my day out of ten on here. Today was a 9/10
Day 95: 4/10
Day 96: 8/10
Day 97: 8/10
Day 98: hmmmm 7/10
Day 99: 9/10 also tomorrow is a big day for this series of posts
Day 100: Wow um okay that went fast. I feel like for today I should give some sort of little update or speech kinda thing. So basically, I kind of have a crush right now but I dont know if I want to pursue her its complicated. Right now its summer break so imma wait til school starts again to try for real again. I can actually talk to girls in person cuz they dont talk to me online lol. I dont know how long this series will go but I will try to post every day until it happens. As of right now my confidence in finding a girlfriend is very low. I dont know how long this is gonna take but probably quite awhile. All I want is for someone to love me for me and a girl that I can share my feelings with, since right now I dont have a person to do that with. I want to lose my virginity, but before that I want to have my first real kiss, or before that even, I want to hold hands or hug a girl. I live a lonely life. Dont be me.
Day 101: Egg penis
Day 102: hooga badooga gag
Day 103: Gooba
Day 104: I havent had a conversation with a girl online or in person since March. (•_•)
Day 105: Blippa blop i guess but like its the 4th of July i guess
Day 106: My copy is ready for pasta
Day 107: Do I even want a girlfriend tho
Day 108: I mean like kinda
Day 109: You dont want no problems at ur party dont invite me ahahaaahaha jk i dont get invited to things ahahaa
Day 110: just another post for my 120 followers to enjoy
Day 111: 111 111 111 111 111 111 111 111
Day 112: I am on vacation u^
Days 113: Yeah going on vacation is cool but have you guys tried sex? ... me neither
Day 114: I dont understand how like literally the ugliest people can be in relationships but like Ive never been close to having one
Day 115: Today I went on a 7.5 mile hike up to the top of a mountain and it was really cool
Day 116: Last day of vacation :( 10 hour drive back tomorrow so sad so saddd
Day 117: Sad pony
Day 118: Stop telling me this wont work its not supposed to work its just something fun to do until I get a girlfriend
Day 119: So da salamilid aint gon fit (wont fit) and the salami (lami lid) wont fit like dat
Day 120: Ive been doing this for 4 months now
Day 121: Im posting this at 3:20 am cuz why not lol
Day 122: I am sad right now
Day 123: Looolalooloooladeedadaloodaleeleeda
Day 124: IMPORTANT READ THIS - So a lot of you guys are telling me that posting on reddit wont get me a girlfriend. Obviously it wont. If I do ever get a girlfriend I would want it to be a girl at my high school that I know, not some random girl I meet on reddit. Remember, I am doing this for fun, I am not even close to getting a girlfriend. I dont have a crush, and I dont really have any friends that are girls. So... with all that said, The salami lid aint gon fit like dat.
Day 125: I am 62.5% of the way to 200 days
Day 126: If any of you are wondering if Ive ever tried to ask a girl out before, I kinda have. The summer before my freshman year I confessed to my crush who I had talked to a lot over about a year and a half. I got friendzoned pretty badly, and kinda gave up with girls for like at least 2 years until I started this
Day 127: Hello to my 144 followers
Day 128: Drop yo Xbox names and what games you play
Day 129: Happytime
Day 130: I dont know what to say its 4 am
Day 131: Dont fire me plz
Day 132: z
Day 133: z
Day 134: z
Day 135: z
Day 136: Confusion
Day 137: Abandonment
Day 138: There is no way Im getting a girlfriend in the next year
Day 139: Why do people like me get created what even are we supposed to do
Day 140: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh whyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Day 141: Wrist keep spinnin like a fuckin rotisserie
Day 142: Bruh i literally have to go to school tomorrow ughhhhhhhhhh
Day 143: It felt good to be back at school it felt like I had a purpose finally and I got to see a lot of people for the first time in a while :) Anyway this one girl... jk theres no girl i lied
Day 144: How many of yall are virgins
Day 145: I dont want to be horny anymore... I want a girl I can text until 3 am and cuddle with while watching NBA games :(
Day 146: Would post Juice WRLD lyrics here but I cant relate to any of them cuz im too lonely
Day 147: I had a great day today. I hung out with people, was very social, told jokes that made people laugh, my team won, I had fun. Its important to recognize these days that are good
Day 148: Goodbye free time and enjoyment, I have to go to school now.
Day 149: eenanashe kabikabi wam dadesh kabikabi dee bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh
Day 150: Wow 150. Another landmark. Pretty cool huh. But anyway since schools started ive been talking to girls that i know more
Day 151: Dopdopdopdopdododododop
Day 152: fuck the system
Day 153: Secrets are hard to keep but Im good at lying
Day 154: I have to write a 400 word descriptive story about my first ever date for English class... now i havent exactly ever been on a date so yall wna give me ideas
Day 155: Please stop commenting stuff like “We will watch your career with great interest” or “This is some dedication” everybody always says it
Day 156: blam blam
Day 157: Posting on reddit until I get a girlfriend #157
Day 158: gotalottanewshit
Day 159: Yo can like 3 more people follow me so I get to 200 followers that would be pretty cool
Day 160: I am not enjoying this whole thing much right now
Day 161: I wonder if you know
Day 162: How they live in Tokyo
Day 163: If you see them and you mean it
Day 164: Then you know you have to go
Day 165: Its so nice talking to girls again mow that school is back
Day 166: If you are reading this dm me and tell me ur favorite food cuz im bored
Day 167: Why do I find like 75% of girls attravtive bruh
Day 168: fuck... fuck... fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK
Day 169: We have officially reached funny number + 100
Day 170: Drove that pack from Houston, OKC, I feel like Chris Paul ~_~
Day 171: Hassan Whiteside
Day 172: Almost forgot today
Day 173: :371 yaD
Day 174: How did day 173 get three awards bruh
Day 175: Yall be saying this is pathetic but like how is it pathetic
Day 176: I feel like a zombie sometimes
Day 177: I dont even want a girlfriend
Day 178: I am ending this sometime soon probably
submitted by chonkier to teenagers [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 22:39 cityentrep 11 profitable business ideas you can build without code

Building your own tech-enabled business is more accessible than ever before.
No code tools are the superpower for the digital economy. Here's 11 profitable online business opportunities for anyone, even if you don't know how to code
1. A job board
💡 The idea
⚙️ How to build it without code
🧲 How to get and retain users
💰 How to monetize
🤔 Who’s doing it profitably?

2. A custom app for real estate agents
💡 The idea
🧲 How to get and retain users
⚙️ How to build it without code
💰 How to monetize
🤔 Who’s doing it profitably?

3. A paid newsletter
💡 The idea
🧲 How to get and retain users
⚙️ How to build it without code
💰 How to monetize

🤔 Who’s doing it profitably?

4. A dating app for a specific niche
💡 The idea
🧲 How to get and retain users
⚙️ How to build it without code
💰 How to monetize
🤔 Who’s doing it profitably?
‍‍
5. A paid membership recipe app
💡 The idea
🧲 How to get and retain users
⚙️ How to build it without code
💰 How to monetize
🤔 Who’s doing it profitably?
💡 The idea
🧲 How to get and retain users
⚙️ How to build it without code
💰 How to monetize
🤔 Who’s doing it profitably?

7. An e-commerce store on Shopify
💡 The idea
🧲 How to get and retain users
⚙️ How to build it without code
💰 How to monetize
🤔 Who’s doing it profitably?
💡 The idea
🧲 How to get and retain users
⚙️ How to build it without code
💰 How to monetize
🤔 Who’s doing it profitably?

9. Start a local marketplace in your city
💡 The idea
🧲 How to get and retain users
⚙️ How to build it without code
💰 How to monetize
🤔 Who’s doing it profitably?

10. Build websites for local businesses
💡 The idea
🧲 How to get and retain users
⚙️ How to build it without code
💰 How to monetize
🤔 Who’s doing it profitably?

11. Productize content marketing for online businesses
💡 The idea
🧲 How to get and retain users
⚙️ How to build it without code
💰 How to monetize
🤔 Who’s doing it profitably?

If you liked this, you can check out the full article here, and learn more about how to build with no code at No Code MBA!
submitted by cityentrep to nocode [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 13:17 gradschoolMD I am a 22 year old full-time graduate student making about $17,000/year from my three part-time jobs

EDIT: forgot my location in the title, I’m in upstate NY
If I were to write an R29-style header for this, I would say "Today: a 22 year old graduate student who makes $17,000/year and spends some of her money this week on bagels and laundry". I submitted a Money Diary this past March so I guess this is technically a follow-up, but my life looks very different now so I'd really consider them entirely separate.

Basic Information

Monthly Expenses

Yearly Expenses

Additional R29 questions/education expenses context because this is a grad school diary and I thought it would make sense to answer these!

Monday, September 7

7:45 AM I have an 8 AM nonprofit finance class this morning, but it’s online so I can sleep in super late. I wake up 15 minutes before class time, pour myself a cold brew that I make in my french press, throw on a sweatshirt over my pajamas and brush my hair before heading back to bed with my laptop for class. I’m able to keep my camera off for most of the zoom call, so it’s a relaxing way to start my week.
9:30 AM Another online class! This one requires cameras-on the whole time, so I leave my bed and go chill on my couch so I look slightly more presentable. In-class group work over Zoom is really just not the same- does anyone else hate team breakout rooms? Near the end of the lecture I start getting hungry, but realize I won't have time between the end of this class and the time I have to leave for campus to make food. I order a bagel for pickup at a cafe on the way to campus while the lecture finishes up. $3.08
10:45 AM Time to get ready for my first in-person class of the week. I throw on athletic shorts and a bra under the same pajama t-shirt and sweatshirt I was wearing earlier- yes, I’m a fashion icon. Grab my mask and I’m out the door, I pick up my pre-ordered bagel on the way and eat it while I walk. The class is okay, it's a quant modeling class which is way out of my comfort zone, so I'm glad that I'm able to take it in-person (at least until we inevitably get forced online by NY regulations).
1:15 PM I’m back in my apartment and heat up leftovers from last night’s dinner for lunch (cauliflower rice with roasted chickpeas, sweet potatoes, tofu, and a tahini garlic sauce) while listening to folklore. I think I've settled on august as my favorite song. Email my landlord about fixing a few things in my apartment that I've been trying to get him to sort out for literal weeks.
2:00 PM I have a planning meeting with the professor that I TA for. He’s super busy and bad at communication, so I’ve been handling the brunt of student questions so far. I made the mistake of letting the first-years add me to their class group chat, and they’ve been texting me at all hours. We talk about this and clarify what expectations should be for my TA position- he seems to want me to work 10-15 hours/week even though I was told 5-9 by the admin assistant who hired me. I can probably do 10-15, just not every week. We'll see.
2:30 PM The meeting transitions right into the class- I mostly just chill (camera on, unfortunately) listening to the lecture and taking attendance/marking participation, and nod sporadically when the professor makes reference to me. I won’t have many out-of-class responsibilities until grading starts, since I don’t have to run open office hours. After the class ends I work on organizing the course website and figuring out what the hell the prof is trying to do with the syllabus. Class hours and all prep/grading is billable time for TAs.
4:45 PM Realize that my fridge is pretty much empty except for a few random condiments and the rest of the leftovers that I had for lunch. I head out for a Wegman's run and buy enough for at least a week and a half- I used to go once a week, but with COVID I'm trying to spend less time in crowded grocery stores. I don't feel like cooking so I end up having some of the chana dal snacks and ice cream that I just got for dinner around 6:30. So healthy. $98.67, split out into food & home categories
7:30 PM Another online class! I hate night classes and strongly dislike online classes, so this seems like a recipe for disaster- however it's actually a really interesting course on inequality in education with a professor I think I'll really like, so hopefully it'll be worth it.
9:55 PM Class is over. 2 and a half hours is absolutely brutal for a nonstop Zoom meeting, especially at night and for my fifth class of the day. I shower and change into pajamas and catch the end of the Lightning-Islanders game. My favorite team and all of the teams I ended up bandwagoning are now out of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, so I'm trying to find a new one to root for- the game was high-scoring and fun to watch but I still don't like these teams.
Daily total: $101.75

Tuesday, September 8

9:30 AM I get to sleep in a bit today! I was supposed to have a shift at the COVID center starting at 7:30, but the university keeps changing the hours of the sites (it's a total disaster), so now my shift starts at 10:45. First thing I do when I wake up is send a quick thank-you text to my sister who's going to visit our mom- she broke her foot last week and her boyfriend (they live in the same town in separate houses) is being shitty and not helping her, so my sister is leaving college to go stay with her for a bit. I'm a few hours closer to home, but I have in-person work and class whereas my sister's school is totally online this semester. I have some scrambled eggs with spinach and cheese for breakfast before I leave the house.
10:15 AM I'm out of homemade cold brew and have a bit of time, so I drive to Dunkin to grab a coffee. I reload my rewards card to pay for it, and earn a free drink for my next visit! I'm from Massachusetts and the fact that I actually have to go out of my way to drive to Dunkin in New York makes me a lil sad. $10.00
10:45 AM Time for work- one of the blessings of the COVID job is free parking in high-demand lots (where the yearly parking cost would be about $900) on campus near the test sites, so I drive there straight from Dunkin. Luckily it's not too crazy of a shift, but I end up seated at a station next to this really weird coworker who keeps making wack comments about his personal life that are extremely inappropriate for the workplace. I make note of his name and plan to email my supervisor later, he's making me kind of uncomfortable and he's saying awkward sexual shit around people who are at the site to get tested.
1:00 PM Done with my shift so it's time for class! It's another quant class where I'm wayyy out of my comfort zone, I haven't taken econometrics in three years and it looks like I'll have to re-learn a lot of stuff in order to keep up. The professor seems good though, which will make a big difference since my last econometrics professor was terrible.
3:00 PM I pick up my car and head home, and immediately am bombarded with texts from my TA class- the readings haven't been posted correctly to the class website. Quickly fix that and put out a few other related fires. Trying to run an entirely-online class where lots of the students are participating asynchronously from another continent is a nightmare, I shoot an email to the professor about monitoring asynchronous course participation since we need to come up with a system for that ASAP.
4:00 PM Heat up the last of the leftover veggies and cauliflower rice from a few days ago, and settle in to catch up on miscellaneous work stuff. I draft an email to my supervisor about my coworker and have my mom look it over (with names redacted) since she works in HR. I'm going to wait to send it for at least a day so if he gets written up maybe he won't realize it's me that prompted it. I wash my bedsheets and towels in my building's coin-op washedryer. $3.00
9:00 PM My meal schedule has been way off today, with a super late lunch and dinner. I make this recipe, with a plant-based sausage added for protein. I eat 95% vegetarian and I'm making a conscious effort this year to eat vegetables multiple times a day.
1:15 AM After another few hours of scrolling through TikTok and finishing fixing the disaster of a website for my TA class, I head to bed.
Daily Total: $13.00

Wednesday, September 9

7:00 AM It's too early and I went to bed too late. The 8 AM online class I had on Monday is in-person on Wednesday, and I'm kind of regretting not signing up for the fully online version since it means I have to actually get ready in the morning. I drag myself out of bed and into the shower, and before I head out I order a coffee and a breakfast sandwich to pick up from Starbucks on my walk to campus. $7.34
9:30 AM Second class of the day, online. I'm realizing I don't really like this course and will probably try to find another one to replace it before the drop deadline. I find a quiet-ish courtyard on campus to go on Zoom, since all of the normal study spaces are closed. This is not gonna work once it gets really cold in upstate NY. While listening to the Zoom lecture, I see that my manager at my COVID job has scheduled me for a last-minute shift that conflicts with a class tomorrow- I email her and hope that she sees it in time. This job creates 8-hour shifts in the middle of the day with no easy option for partial hours, and then they wonder why they can't get their student employees on the schedule.
1:00 PM Head home after my third class of the day. I was distracted the whole time, trying to sort through TA and other work stuff (my shift got fixed at the COVID job, thank god) during the lecture, so I'll probably have to skim the slides again later. I chatted with a classmate in my cohort afterwards for a bit, and realize that that's the first time I've talked to someone outside of my family in a non-work capacity in over a week. Yikes. I make lunch (roasted asparagus and goat cheese pasta, are you sensing the "roasted veggie + pasta/rice + cheese" theme that makes up the majority of my meals?) and chill a bit before my TA class starts.
6:00 PM After finishing my TA class and working through some course readings, I make a kale salad with roasted chickpeas, sweet potatoes, goat cheese, and a tahini dressing for dinner. While I'm cooking dinner my dad calls, and I talk to him for about half an hour- we haven't talked for two weeks so I update him on a lot of stuff. My sister also texts and says that our mom gave her a lecture about how she needs to be nicer to the boyfriend- we both agree that we're not quite ready to go back to being pleasant to him yet, and would like to hear his reasoning and perhaps an apology for being so unhelpful that my sister had to drive four hours to do what he should have been doing all along.
10:00 PM I'm not having a great night, feeling quite depressed and socially isolated. I struggled socially as an undergrad and didn't really have any close friends, and now that the majority of my friends/acquaintances from undergrad have left and I haven't made any friends in my short time in pandemic-grad-school, I'm stuck by myself most of the time. It's really difficult to look out my window and see houses full of friends hanging out on their porch on a beautiful night and wishing I could have had that while knowing I never will. I end up going to bed early since I'm just tired and sad.
Daily Total: $7.34

Thursday, September 10

9:00 AM I wake up feeling slightly better than last night, but still feel a bit worn out. My sister texts that my mom now needs to be in a cast for 6 weeks. Hopefully the boyfriend can get his shit together. I make a breakfast sandwich with eggs, cheese, and spinach. I hang around my apartment for a while since work doesn't start until 11:45.
11:30 AM On my way to work, I stop and grab a coffee at a cafe ($4.16) and then go to 7/11 to pick up a notebook for class and a pack of batteries that I need for my string lights ($14.56).
1:15 PM After spending an hour and a half at work, I take my break in order to go to class. I'm supposed to go in-person, but I can't make it across campus fast enough and end up just going to the Zoom session. I am going to need to do some serious studying for this class, stats and econometrics is like another language to me.
2:45 PM Class is over and I'm back to work. There's a nonstop stream of students and staff coming to get tested, I personally go through at least 100 people over the course of three hours. Near the end of my shift, my coworker (the same one I'm reporting, actually) checks his email and finds out that he's been given a $3/hour raise and is now benefits-eligible. I immediately race to my phone, but there's no email. Everyone tries to figure out who qualified for the raise, and we come to the conclusion that student workers didn't get it. I might reach out to my supervisor about that, seems kind of ridiculous given that we do the exact same job. I don't need benefits and probably don't qualify anyways but the raise would be awesome.
7:00 PM I get home from work and eat some of the leftover kale salad, lentil chips and a homemade za'atar goat cheese dip, and an apple with peanut butter. I'm so hungry since I haven't eaten since the egg sandwich at 9 AM.
11:00 PM I re-watch the two econometrics lectures from this week– a huge perk of Zoom class is recorded lectures– and try to take more detailed notes and go through the motions of the coding myself. I still don't really get it, and feel pretty dumb listening to the intelligent questions that my classmates (half of whom are undergrads) are asking. Math in all forms has been a weak point for me since middle school, but I'm trying to power through so I can enter the workforce with at least some quant skills.
Daily Total: $18.72

Friday, September 11

9:00 AM Wake up and scroll through my social media for a bit, and have the rest of the kale salad for breakfast. Not really a traditional breakfast but I don't feel like cooking anything. I have my orientation for my research job this morning, and I think it's going to be a great experience! The two other grad researchers are both students in my program, so it'll be nice to get to know some more people. My official start date is next week, though I'm being paid for training. Once I'm done on that Zoom call, I head to work at the COVID center at 11.
3:00 PM I finally get my lunch break- there's not much open, so I'm limited to the one cafe near my work site. I pick up a bagel and a coffee, and the women who work there give me free coffee add-ons (oat milk and vanilla syrup) since they recognize me after I did their COVID tests in the morning. I love the dining workers on my campus. I have some extra dining dollars from last semester that rolled over due to COVID, so I use the last of those and pay the balance with my debit card. $1.06, remainder was pre-paid from last spring
7:00 PM Finally home- I decide to clean my apartment for a bit before showering, and I'm disgusted by how dirty it got. I'm a huge clean freak and this apartment isn't super well-kept (thank you college town slumlords!) and has a lot of cobwebs/dirty areas, so it causes basically a constant undercurrent of anxiety. I've recently been thinking a lot about my old apartment, which was newly renovated and a 2-bedroom which would have cost me $1,000/month for my share this year. My desire to live alone and be in the area where I thought I could best make a last-ditch effort at meeting people and making friends won out over my love for that apartment, and I'm pretty seriously regretting it at this point given the whole COVID situation. Depending on how the spring semester shakes out, I might try to sublet it and find a different place.
9:00 PM I'm still feeling a bit anxious and unsettled after cleaning, and don't really have the mental fortitude to cook tonight. A $5 coupon from GrubHub arrives in my email inbox like they can read my mind. I order paneer makhani to pick up from the Indian restaurant a block away from my apartment, and try to turn it into a positive thought about the apartment itself- my old place wasn't walking distance from Indian food, this one is. $10.07
11:00 PM My mom sends me a link to a video that she found of my school's 9/11 memorial dedication. We lost 21 alums that day, and a permanent memorial was dedicated a few years ago. I've gone a few times to see it in person and met some of the families through my previous jobs, so I spend some time watching the video. I was just shy of 4 years old on 9/11 so I obviously don't remember much, but going to a school with a large number of students from NYC almost guarantees that everyone knows someone with a personal connection. It always feels a bit solemn around here on the day.
4:00 AM I couldn't sleep. Finally pass out sometime between 3:30 and 4.
Daily Total: $11.13

Saturday, September 12

9:00 AM Drag myself out of bed and make scrambled eggs with cheese, and some cold brew that's been sitting in the french press for several days with the coffee grinds- this is basically liquid cocaine, it's extremely caffeinated but I'll need that today. I leave my apartment around 9:40 and start walking to work.
10:00 AM Today isn't too crazy, which is unexpected given that the site I'm working at is usually one of the more crowded ones. The shift supervisor today is the sweetest woman, she comes around and takes our individual coffee orders and brings them to us at our stations. I take quick breaks whenever I can to run to the corner to slip my mask off and take a drink. I chat to some of the other student workers when we have longer periods of down time, they seem really nice. I might try to work this site more often and get to know them better.
3:00 I drew the short straw once again and got the late lunch break- nothing's open on campus since it's Saturday, so I run back to the cafe near my apartment and order a turkey sandwich. I know I need to start bringing my own lunch, but we have no microwaves and the only fridges we have at the sites are for test tubes and ice packs so that makes it a bit difficult. $9.08
6:00 PM Done at work and headed home- I make a roasted cauliflower pasta that uses the rest of the spinach as well, and save some for tomorrow's dinner.
10:00 PM Lounging around in bed and watching the Vegas-Dallas game. I think I'd rather have one of these teams win the Cup than either of the teams in the ECF.
1:30 AM Fall asleep

Sunday, September 13

9:00 AM Up for another day of work. I make some eggs and cut up an apple with peanut butter.
10:00 AM My job today is as a greeter, so I'm not doing the actual registration and test observation, and am instead in charge of getting people lined up and dealing with the logistics of the site. A lot of the people in the line tell me that they were supposed to have an appointment at another site, but they showed up and it was dark and no one was there to deal with the 75 people waiting in line. We realize there's been a huge staffing miscommunication with our local health system partner, and this happened at three sites. What a clusterfuck. I also committed the cardinal sin of autumn in New York by not appropriately layering- it's suddenly 50 and raining, and I'm freezing my ass off sitting outside in leggings and a t-shirt.
2:30 PM Lunch break- I go to the one place on campus open on Sunday afternoons to grab a salad. $8.70
3:00 PM Still a decent flow of people coming through the site since we're still taking over from the sites that unexpectedly closed. By the end of the day, we've tested over 1,100 people just at this one site. I'm developing a horrible crick in my neck from turning to look and point each person to where they need to go.
6:00 PM Home from work. I heat up the rest of the pasta from last night and try to massage my neck a bit- I can tell it's going to hurt tomorrow, feeling like I'm 82 instead of 22. I prep some cold brew for tomorrow morning.
10:30 PM I'm absolutely exhausted, so I fall asleep around 10:30 for the first time in weeks. Hopefully this means I'll be well-rested for my 8 AM tomorrow.
Daily total: $8.70

Monday, September 14

7:45 AM I wake up feeling somewhat well-rested, but my neck is still really hurting. I grab some of the cold brew from the fridge and go to my online class.
9:15 AM I find a class that I'm interested in to replace the one that I'm thinking of dropping, and start getting ready to go to it to check it out. Just as I'm about to leave, I realize my neck is getting to be absolutely unbearable and I don't think I can make the walk up to campus with my backpack without a lot of pain. I shoot the professor a quick email asking for the Zoom link, and he manages to get back to me before the class starts! I join the online section and like the course, so I plan to make the official switch in my schedule. The class I don't like is taught by my advisor (who I'm hoping to TA for in the spring), so that might be a little awkward when I leave.
11:30 AM I make some pasta with a veggie sausage for lunch and go to class- this is usually an in-person class for me but I stay home and go to the online section today because I'm still in pain.
2:30 PM TA class- I'm required to have my camera on, and after comfortably laying down all day I feel like I'm dying because of the position that I'm being forced to keep my neck in. I periodically turn my camera off to lay down for a minute and scream into my pillow before coming back and pretending that nothing's wrong.
4:30 PM I drive to a laundromat to wash my clothes- I'm out of coins and need to go to the laundromat to get them from the machine, so I do my wash there instead of in my building. While I wait for my wash I call my grandma and catch up for a bit, and when I move my clothes to the dryer I go to Target to return some stuff I bought for my apartment and get painkillers. Have a mini-breakdown in the parking lot of Target because I'm so anxious about my apartment and the cost and how it's not kept-up and how I'm feeling so much regret about the lease. I send a frantic 3-paragraph text to my mom and dad about this and tell them that I want to try to find a subletter and come home. $6.00 for laundry, +$51.69 in refunds from Target (not included in breakdown), $4.07 for Ibuprofen
7:30 PM Dinner (eggs on toast) and online class. I'm really distracted, I hate Zoom class. My mom texts me throughout and I reply for a bit, and kind of unload about feeling super lonely and stressed. My dad calls around 10 after class is over, and we talk for a bit. I'm not sure he really gets where I'm coming from but he does his best to provide support, in an emotionally-stunted-middle-aged-dad kind of way (which is mostly just him talking about how I always "manage to power through" and referencing sunk costs and uncertainty). Honestly, I probably won't sublet the apartment just because I don't know if I'm ready to move all my shit again and because it's a buyer's market for sublets right now, but I really wish I had tried to get out of my lease before it started in August. I always have a lot of anxiety and regrets about large purchases, so this is nothing new. What I probably need instead of a sublet is to go back to therapy.
2:30 AM I'm still up writing a paper, so I answer a text in the group chat for my TA class about the paper- the student who asked apologizes for bothering me so late, she's abroad and didn't realize what time it was in NY. I'm fine with answering if I'm up, but I'm going to have to force myself to not answer until the morning so they don't start expecting that kind of immediate response from me.
Daily Total: $10.07

WEEKLY TOTAL: $179.79

CATEGORY TOTAL
Food and Drink $148.18 total ($53.49 from restaurants/cafes and $94.69 for groceries)
Fun and Entertainment $0
Home and Health $8.05
Clothes and Beauty $0
Transport $0
Other $23.56

Notes

This was a typical week for me- I work a lot, I spend a lot on food, and I don't spend on much else beyond my monthly expenses. Obviously I don't buy $100 of groceries every week, since those last about two weeks- I usually shop on Mondays, restock on fresh veggies at the Wednesday farmer's market the next week, which runs me about $15-20, and then go to Wegmans again on Monday. I'm trying to spend less on coffee since I realize it's ridiculous to buy a $4 drink every morning when I can buy an $8 bag of beans and get 12 cups out of it.
As I get more into my research job, I'll be shifting some hours from the COVID job to that- it pays more and is more beneficial to my career, and I don't have the physical or mental energy to continue at this pace for the COVID job. This pay cycle (Thurs 9/10 to Wed 9/16) I worked 32.8 hours, which will probably be typical as a weekly total for this semester- just with a different breakdown by job (6-10 TA, 15 research, 10-15 COVID). This coming week I'm scheduled right up against the 40-hour limit, with 39.6. And yes, I do bill my time answering questions at 2:30 AM, I just put it on my timecard as a more normal time lol
submitted by gradschoolMD to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 06:42 Ellen_Kingship Comparing the different editions of Maison Ikkoku

(TLDR at the bottom!)

As you may know, Maison Ikkoku Collector's Edition, Vol. 1 is out today, September 15, 2020. And...

Rumiko Takahashi's Maison Ikkoku is my favorite manga to date, but better writers than I can sell you on why the manga is worth your time. My main concern is—as a fan who has read the story multiple times and presently holds an incomplete, complete set of the series—should I pay attention to this new release?

The Chart

\If you're on mobile, you may have to scroll sideways to see the full chart**
1st 2nd 3rd
Covers pics pics (not the full set) Previews; Volume 1
Date published 1996-1999 2003-2006 9/15/2020-???
MSRP $15.95-$17.95 (varies) $9.95 $24.99
US/English Publisher Viz Viz Viz
English Adaption by Gerard Jones Gerard Jones Matt Treyvaud
Number of Volumes 14 15 10
Reading Style Flipped (L-R) Unflipped (R-L) Unflipped (R-L)
Chapters per book 8-13 (varies) 10 (avg) 16 (avg)
Contains full story? NO, missing chapters* Yes Yes
Hardcover or softcover? softcover (smooth) softcover (smooth) softcover (textured)
Color pages? No No Yes
Print Status oop oop In print
Available Digitally? No No Yes
Note: There is the Viz Monthly Comics "floppy" edition that was printed before the manga...but I'm not counting those. :)
*Note: Missing chapters are: "Suit Yourself, Santa", "For Whom the Clock Tolls", "Hope Springs Eternal", "Will the Cherry Blossoms Bloom?" which all should have been in the first graphic novel, along with "To Wager on the Rink!" from the third book.

From the chart, the major differences are: price, digital version, has a new translator, the cover art, and a few color pages. Nice. Don't get too excited about the color pages though. There are only 2 in this first volume and they are both right before you hit the title page. The Collector's Edition is also larger than the 2nd Edition, meaning the margins are slightly larger.
The digital part is the best news to me thus far, and as of this writing, I will be personally picking up the digital version should I continue to read the new translations (save some space and ducats).
So...about those new translations. How does it compare to the old one?
Anime News Network describes Gerard Jones' translations as "punchy, but not super faithful." In contrast, Matt Treyvaud's translations are deemed to be "a good balance" between being "faithful to the original, but still in natural-reading English with clever puns." So, great news for the 1:1 purists among us, I guess. I kinda like localizing and creative choices in my translations a bit, so sue me.
First volume of Collector's Edition = all 10 chapters of Vol 1. (2nd edition) + 6 chapters of vol. 2 (2nd edition). Everything is brand new, from the chapter titles to the dialogue to the sound effects to the jokes and all the little stuff in between. (They have Editor's Notes now to explain the last names corresponding to the room numbers among other cultural differences!)
Observe: https://imgur.com/gallery/f3ybN5F. (Look to the captions for more commentary).
(My lighting is off. Some images will appear yellow, but rest assured the new edition has crisp, clean white pages. My 2nd edition's pages aren't so yellow, either.)
Conclusion: Jury is still out as to whether these new translations will grow on me, but I know I won't be buying the Collector's Edition in print as I find the first volume to be...disappointing. The cover and inside are nice and everything, but it's not hardcover or have color pages to make it worth it to me. I would be satisfied with the digital edition going forward.
More info:

What do you guys think?

Happy reading!

(TLDR—If you never experienced Maison Ikkoku, go ahead and pick up the Collector's Edition. It's fine. If you're already a fan, then your choice to "upgrade" or buy this series again depends on how much you like the new translations and can swallow the new hefty price tag.)

[EDIT]
Well, I posted this to manga and someone tipped me off to this— Some unknown facts about Gerard Jones- he is currently in jail serving time for possessing child pornography. Damn, even more baggage. No wonder Viz is retranslating and reprinting Takahashi's works like crazy. This guy has been involved in a lot of them as well as DC comics. More food for thought.
submitted by Ellen_Kingship to MangaCollectors [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 06:20 chonkier Posting on reddit until I get a girlfriend #177

Day 1: I know this isn’t the most creative thing to do here, but I have never been in any sort of relationship and hoped I could get some advice from you redditors. This might take over a year or more to do before I either get one or give up, but good luck future me I guess...
Day 2: No
Day 3: Any tips on how I should hit up my crush?
Day 4: Thinking about messaging her and saying hey to get a conversation started but I have to work up the nerves to do it
Day 5: Love it when I have no internet for online school
Day 6: Beep Boop
Day 7: I think I might wait to try anything until this whole global pandemic thing slows down. It’s been a week and Ill Ive done is realize how boring I am with these posts lol. Probably wouldnt be thinking about this so much if soccer season wasnt cancelled... Anyway, beep boop bye boys. That was a lot of writing...
Day 8: I DID IT GUYS! I TALKED TO A GIRL! Jk no I didnt lol
Day 9: Yes this is day 9.
Day 10: After 10 days, my preditction for how long this will go on is... idk fucking forever
Day 11: I tried starting a conversation with my crush on snapchat and she didnt even open it :(
Day 12: Last night she responded to my snap message from 2 days ago and now we might have a streak
Day 13: I am bored today no news lads
Day 14: We dont talk about day 14
Day 15: I have acquired a 4 day streak with my crush and I rly want to talk to her but my scaredness is overtaking my temptation
Day 16: Nothing happened today
Day 17: When you cant stop thinking about a person is not an epic gamer moment, especially cuz we’re stuck at home and cant do anything about it. i want this to be over already so i can try to talk to her.
Day 18: Hi again guys and gals
Day 19: Dont worry Im just passin’ by you sorting by new
Day 20: Woohoo day 20! I tried to talk to her... i snapped her and said hey but she didnt even open it i guess she dont care. that was last night too.
Day 21: Now beginning to realize that this has the potential to take years
Day 22: Just passing by your feed for the day hope you guys are doing well :)
Day 23: Hello
Day 24: Hello #2
Day 25: How are you guys doing today?
Day 26: If I was a news network, I would be bankrupt because I have no news
Day 27: Helloooo
Day 28: I want someone to talk to lol
Day 29: Hello #3
Day 30: Hooray day 30 only like 2 more years to go
Day 31: Im pretty much giving up on talking to girls online so im gonna wait until school starts in the fall and start trying there, so the minimum for this chain of posts in probably like 150.
Day 32: I officially give up... for now
Day 33: 333333
Day 34: technically its actually day ((9(4)+8)/2)+(3(4))
Day 35: Life huh
Day 36: So glad I finally have someone to talk to here on reddit
Day 37: Today’s date is April 28th
Day 38: I almost have 20 followers from doing this like what
Day 39: Its getting harder to remember to post
Day 40: A new milestone aha
Day 41: shit wack
Day 42: Bing bong your opinion is wrong
Day 43: What videogames do you guys play
Day 44: Badabadabada babaaa badabadaba badabaaaaaaaa
Day 45: Whats ur favorite color
Day 46: Day 40 feels like yesterday wth
Day 47: Ice cream yum yum
Day 48: Im posting this at 4:20
Day 49: Ok, so like, um, haha, maybe?
Day 50: Ah, day fifty. You know, I heard that a girl doesn’t want you if they don’t text you first. And guess what happened today.... Nobody texted me I don’t think a girl has ever texted me first now that I think about it
Day 51: I looked at the mirror today and I was like damn i look sexy ahahaha
Day 52: egg
Day 53: Tomorrow’s my last day of online school yerrrrrrr - Also I have somehow now gained 32 reddit followers from doing this shit
Day 54: Shablam shazam
Day 55: Dos rosquillas por favor
Day 56: Is it just me or do the colors purple and turquoise go perfectly together
Day 57: Hangin out with my friend shut up stupid i dont care
Day 58:
Day 59: B
Day 60: I
Day 61: N
Day 62: G
Day 63:
Day 64: The days are beginning to feel shorter and faster...
Day 65: holy hell
Day 66: But you gotta fall back from doing all that extra Why you dancin wit the devil
Day 67: Im the definition of a bandit
Day 68: Idk why bro but i cant get over her even though i only barely ever see her on sc... today was her birthday and i said happy birthday she said thank you.. im ranting but tomorrow eh? nice.
Day 69: Self explanatory joke please leave your laughs in the comments.
Day 70: I accidentally flushed one of my airpods down the toilet when it fell off so now I only have one airpod. it sucks and im sad and then im even more sad bc i realize that having one airpod is this big of a problem to me
Day 71: big sad?
Day 72: Hooga Badooga Googa
Day 73: The internet ruined me
Day 74: I dont want my depression to come back but today I felt it for the first time in a while...
Day 75: Nononononono I changed this one
Day 76: Summer is cool and all, looking at snapchat stories of all the people you know hanging out with each other while sitting in bed alone
Day 77: Hung out with friends today, UNO reverse card ()()()
Day 78: Bliggle ba giggle diggle
Day 79: Have you ever put butter on a poptart... It’s so frickin good... Have you ever put butter on a poptart... If you haven’t then I think you should
Day 80: •_•
Day 81: He just gon’ throw shots at you before he throw subliminals
Day 82: mBeebopmSkeetleebebopmDopm
Day 83: You a lame, you aint gang, so I cant hang with ya
Day 84: He haw he haw
Day 85: I have 78 followers because of this. 78.
Day 86: RipCity?
Day 87: Salmon, rice, mango
Day 88: Yall ever just E E E E
Day 89: xue hua piao piao bei feng xiao xiao
Day 90: Just mixed the Bape with the Simons, my bad
Day 91: There are two types of lonely people. Those that are lonely by choice, and those that are lonely due to circumstances. And I don’t know which one I am.
Day 92: I want to kill myself. I hate my family I hate everyone nothing is good I want to die
Day 93: I think Im bipolar. I either feel very happy or very sad and I think these posts are kinda proof of that. I try my best to stay happy but its hard a lot of the time. Anyway, IgotblackIgotwhitewatchuwant
Day 94: Im gonna start rating my day out of ten on here. Today was a 9/10
Day 95: 4/10
Day 96: 8/10
Day 97: 8/10
Day 98: hmmmm 7/10
Day 99: 9/10 also tomorrow is a big day for this series of posts
Day 100: Wow um okay that went fast. I feel like for today I should give some sort of little update or speech kinda thing. So basically, I kind of have a crush right now but I dont know if I want to pursue her its complicated. Right now its summer break so imma wait til school starts again to try for real again. I can actually talk to girls in person cuz they dont talk to me online lol. I dont know how long this series will go but I will try to post every day until it happens. As of right now my confidence in finding a girlfriend is very low. I dont know how long this is gonna take but probably quite awhile. All I want is for someone to love me for me and a girl that I can share my feelings with, since right now I dont have a person to do that with. I want to lose my virginity, but before that I want to have my first real kiss, or before that even, I want to hold hands or hug a girl. I live a lonely life. Dont be me.
Day 101: Egg penis
Day 102: hooga badooga gag
Day 103: Gooba
Day 104: I havent had a conversation with a girl online or in person since March. (•_•)
Day 105: Blippa blop i guess but like its the 4th of July i guess
Day 106: My copy is ready for pasta
Day 107: Do I even want a girlfriend tho
Day 108: I mean like kinda
Day 109: You dont want no problems at ur party dont invite me ahahaaahaha jk i dont get invited to things ahahaa
Day 110: just another post for my 120 followers to enjoy
Day 111: 111 111 111 111 111 111 111 111
Day 112: I am on vacation u^
Days 113: Yeah going on vacation is cool but have you guys tried sex? ... me neither
Day 114: I dont understand how like literally the ugliest people can be in relationships but like Ive never been close to having one
Day 115: Today I went on a 7.5 mile hike up to the top of a mountain and it was really cool
Day 116: Last day of vacation :( 10 hour drive back tomorrow so sad so saddd
Day 117: Sad pony
Day 118: Stop telling me this wont work its not supposed to work its just something fun to do until I get a girlfriend
Day 119: So da salamilid aint gon fit (wont fit) and the salami (lami lid) wont fit like dat
Day 120: Ive been doing this for 4 months now
Day 121: Im posting this at 3:20 am cuz why not lol
Day 122: I am sad right now
Day 123: Looolalooloooladeedadaloodaleeleeda
Day 124: IMPORTANT READ THIS - So a lot of you guys are telling me that posting on reddit wont get me a girlfriend. Obviously it wont. If I do ever get a girlfriend I would want it to be a girl at my high school that I know, not some random girl I meet on reddit. Remember, I am doing this for fun, I am not even close to getting a girlfriend. I dont have a crush, and I dont really have any friends that are girls. So... with all that said, The salami lid aint gon fit like dat.
Day 125: I am 62.5% of the way to 200 days
Day 126: If any of you are wondering if Ive ever tried to ask a girl out before, I kinda have. The summer before my freshman year I confessed to my crush who I had talked to a lot over about a year and a half. I got friendzoned pretty badly, and kinda gave up with girls for like at least 2 years until I started this
Day 127: Hello to my 144 followers
Day 128: Drop yo Xbox names and what games you play
Day 129: Happytime
Day 130: I dont know what to say its 4 am
Day 131: Dont fire me plz
Day 132: z
Day 133: z
Day 134: z
Day 135: z
Day 136: Confusion
Day 137: Abandonment
Day 138: There is no way Im getting a girlfriend in the next year
Day 139: Why do people like me get created what even are we supposed to do
Day 140: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh whyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Day 141: Wrist keep spinnin like a fuckin rotisserie
Day 142: Bruh i literally have to go to school tomorrow ughhhhhhhhhh
Day 143: It felt good to be back at school it felt like I had a purpose finally and I got to see a lot of people for the first time in a while :) Anyway this one girl... jk theres no girl i lied
Day 144: How many of yall are virgins
Day 145: I dont want to be horny anymore... I want a girl I can text until 3 am and cuddle with while watching NBA games :(
Day 146: Would post Juice WRLD lyrics here but I cant relate to any of them cuz im too lonely
Day 147: I had a great day today. I hung out with people, was very social, told jokes that made people laugh, my team won, I had fun. Its important to recognize these days that are good
Day 148: Goodbye free time and enjoyment, I have to go to school now.
Day 149: eenanashe kabikabi wam dadesh kabikabi dee bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh
Day 150: Wow 150. Another landmark. Pretty cool huh. But anyway since schools started ive been talking to girls that i know more
Day 151: Dopdopdopdopdododododop
Day 152: fuck the system
Day 153: Secrets are hard to keep but Im good at lying
Day 154: I have to write a 400 word descriptive story about my first ever date for English class... now i havent exactly ever been on a date so yall wna give me ideas
Day 155: Please stop commenting stuff like “We will watch your career with great interest” or “This is some dedication” everybody always says it
Day 156: blam blam
Day 157: Posting on reddit until I get a girlfriend #157
Day 158: gotalottanewshit
Day 159: Yo can like 3 more people follow me so I get to 200 followers that would be pretty cool
Day 160: I am not enjoying this whole thing much right now
Day 161: I wonder if you know
Day 162: How they live in Tokyo
Day 163: If you see them and you mean it
Day 164: Then you know you have to go
Day 165: Its so nice talking to girls again mow that school is back
Day 166: If you are reading this dm me and tell me ur favorite food cuz im bored
Day 167: Why do I find like 75% of girls attravtive bruh
Day 168: fuck... fuck... fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK
Day 169: We have officially reached funny number + 100
Day 170: Drove that pack from Houston, OKC, I feel like Chris Paul ~_~
Day 171: Hassan Whiteside
Day 172: Almost forgot today
Day 173: :371 yaD
Day 174: How did day 173 get three awards bruh
Day 175: Yall be saying this is pathetic but like how is it pathetic
Day 176: I feel like a zombie sometimes
Day 177: I dont even want a girlfriend
submitted by chonkier to teenagers [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 04:43 djdisciplejosh When someone says "I don't care" I tend to get really depressed and upset inside. Is something wrong with me? (Please read the post to hear me out)

I'm a 21 year old guy just trying to figure out what do do in life. Not that any of that matters, but I thought I'd say it just to give a bit of context.
I know this may sound silly to some or you may think I'm weird or a total freak and I totally understand that. I know some may think "what is this kid on about nothing for, just get over it". Again, also understandable. But I'm not sure if this is something I can truly get over.
This wasn't an easy post to make and I don't think I've told anyone about it. I've kept it to myself for years and haven't told anyone in fear of being misunderstood or judged. Sometimes I felt like I needed to get it off my chest and tell someone and I figured Reddit would be a good and safe place to do it so here goes.
I don't understand how such a common phrase "I don't care" can trigger bad memories and thoughts and really make me depressed. I really just want to cry. Actually, it's not just the phrase, but rather it has to do more with a series of events.
This all started about 7 years ago back in early 2013 when I was first starting high school. It began around the second half of Grade 9. That's when things started going downhill. I had this particular teacher who taught business technology who was kind of rough. I wouldn't necessarily say she was straight up rude, but she was kinda harsh and wasn't the most friendliest or approachable either. She was a pretty hard marker too. Naturally, I didn't end up doing very well in that class. I still passed but just barely. I was also naturally stressed as well.
During that same time, I had gotten on a social network called Google+ (now discontinued). I had met a few people there. The reason for joining was because I got dumped by all my old friends and they didn't wanna hang out with me anymore and didn't seem to want me around for whatever reason. I was left without any friends during high school and it really hindered my ability to socialize with others. So that's why I joined G+ and then oddly enough I made some friends.
I met some people around my age group from all over the world and I got to chat with some of them. Interestingly, I never messaged first, but they texted me first, which was a big help. I met this one girl whom started with I started talking with me. Eventually, she was giving hints and she developed romantic feelings for me (even though I didn't necessarily go along with it). I may be wrong, but I think the very thing that triggered my fear of "I don't care" was there was a time when I was trying to entertain her and make her laugh. I wasn't saying or sharing anything vulgar or nasty or anything. Naturally, I've never not good at keeping conversation so just trying to say something was a struggle. And the very moment I tried, she was just like "idc". I think that was the start of it. Someone who's already dealing with social anxiety, I just felt like my ideas and worth didn't matter. A few months later, I found that she posted that she was getting all lovey dovey with another trying to flirt with him. I felt disheartened but I didn't let it bother me too much.
That same harsh teacher I mentioned kinda made things worse with her attitude and she said "I don't care" quite a lot.
From then on, that's when "I don't care" started to trigger me. I'd get depressed whenever someone says it, no matter who it is or the context.
Fast forward to 10th grade and it wasn't necessarily different from 9th grade. I'd had another particularly mean and harsh teacher in grade 10 too. She was an art teacher and she always seemed to have to find a reason to get angry or annoyed, even at the smallest things. She was kind of rude as well. I still had no friends and was still stressed. Not only juggling schoolwork but also the social struggles of being a teenager in high school.
I still dealt with the problem after that and still do to this day. Though, throughout high school after grade 10 wasn't as bad. But there are some days that whenever someone said "I don't care" I'd just get so depressed and down inside. I myself just think to myself "I don't care anymore" and my mood just plummets. I start acting a bit abnormally and say things I wouldn't normally say. I just straight up withdraw from everything, want to lock myself in a room, curl up and start crying.
At that point, I don't care about myself anymore and would start engaging in unhealthy habits such as trying to please others no matter the cost or stuff my face with food. Sometimes I just start listening to violent rap music to try and cope. I also tend to use a lot of dark humor to try and cope as well as well as watch pretty violent and messed up stuff (you'd think I'm crazy and you'd probably be right). I also kinda like watching things and listening to music that disses and insults and makes fun of others.
I never really had any friends I could talk to about how I'm truly feeling, especially guys since society says that guys are to be tough and not get in their feelings. Not even a friend to help cheer me up or to invite me to do something to take my mind off it.
Since then, I've always been anxious about meeting new people and socializing with others. It's the fear that someone will say "I don't care" and trigger me. Not only that, I've always been socially awkward, especially in verbal, face to face conversation since I tend to always stutter my words when I talk. I feel like I'd look foolish or someone would just brush me off or think negatively of me if I try to make friends or talk with someone.
I've essentially been dealing with anxiety, social anxiety and depression since high school. I haven't been medically diagnosed though. In recent years, I wanted to try and get help, but my mom adamantly insists that there's nothing wrong with me and that I'm just mentally and emotionally weak. I've also been dealing with feelings of hopelessness feeling worthless. My self esteem plummeted gradually.
To be honest, I kinda thought being in a relationship would help me cope and forget about it. I recently tried online dating in the past few months but I haven't really been having any luck so far. It's kinda depressing but it's not too big of a deal. Although it'd be nice to have a relationship with a strong, loving, kind, and supportive girlfriend, I think that wouldn't be fair to her and may end up being a toxic relationship.
TL;DR: I guess to sum up, my fear of "I don't care" all started in high school when I had harsh teachers, a potential girlfriend who basically brushed me off and dumped me silently and all my friends since elementary school abandoning me, I've been messed up mentally and emotionally ever since.
Again, this was a very difficult post to make and I was just essentially pouring out the deep wounds of my heart out on the web, which can sometimes have some brutal and merciless people ready to judge and talk down. I've been holding it in for a long time but I never felt I could tell anyone. I'm holding back tears as I typed this. I don't know if this would help, but at the very least I felt that I needed to vent.
submitted by djdisciplejosh to depressed [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 01:55 djdisciplejosh When someone say "I don't care", I tend to get really depressed and upset inside. Is something wrong with me? (Please read the post to hear me out)

I'm a 21 year old guy just trying to figure out what do do in life. Not that any of that matters, but I thought I'd say it just to give a bit of context.
I know this may sound silly to some or you may think I'm weird or a total freak and I totally understand that. I know some may think "what is this kid on about nothing for, just get over it". Again, also understandable. But I'm not sure if this is something I can truly get over.
This wasn't an easy post to make and I don't think I've told anyone about it. I've kept it to myself for years and haven't told anyone in fear of being misunderstood or judged. Sometimes I felt like I needed to get it off my chest and tell someone and I figured Reddit would be a good and safe place to do it so here goes.
I don't understand how such a common phrase "I don't care" can trigger bad memories and thoughts and really make me depressed. I really just want to cry. Actually, it's not just the phrase, but rather it has to do more with a series of events.
This all started about 7 years ago back in early 2013 when I was first starting high school. It began around the second half of Grade 9. That's when things started going downhill. I had this particular teacher who taught business technology who was kind of rough. I wouldn't necessarily say she was straight up rude, but she was kinda harsh and wasn't the most friendliest or approachable either. She was a pretty hard marker too. Naturally, I didn't end up doing very well in that class. I still passed but just barely. I was also naturally stressed as well.
During that same time, I had gotten on a social network called Google+ (now discontinued). I had met a few people there. The reason for joining was because I got dumped by all my old friends and they didn't wanna hang out with me anymore and didn't seem to want me around for whatever reason. I was left without any friends during high school and it really hindered my ability to socialize with others. So that's why I joined G+ and then oddly enough I made some friends.
I met some people around my age group from all over the world and I got to chat with some of them. Interestingly, I never messaged first, but they texted me first, which was a big help. I met this one girl whom started with I started talking with me. Eventually, she was giving hints and she developed romantic feelings for me (even though I didn't necessarily go along with it). I may be wrong, but I think the very thing that triggered my fear of "I don't care" was there was a time when I was trying to entertain her and make her laugh. I wasn't saying or sharing anything vulgar or nasty or anything. Naturally, I've never not good at keeping conversation so just trying to say something was a struggle. And the very moment I tried, she was just like "idc". I think that was the start of it. Someone who's already dealing with social anxiety, I just felt like my ideas and worth didn't matter. A few months later, I found that she posted that she was getting all lovey dovey with another trying to flirt with him. I felt disheartened but I didn't let it bother me too much.
That same harsh teacher I mentioned kinda made things worse with her attitude and she said "I don't care" quite a lot.
From then on, that's when "I don't care" started to trigger me. I'd get depressed whenever someone says it, no matter who it is or the context.
Fast forward to 10th grade and it wasn't necessarily different from 9th grade. I'd had another particularly mean and harsh teacher in grade 10 too. She was an art teacher and she always seemed to have to find a reason to get angry or annoyed, even at the smallest things. She was kind of rude as well. I still had no friends and was still stressed. Not only juggling schoolwork but also the social struggles of being a teenager in high school.
I still dealt with the problem after that and still do to this day. Though, throughout high school after grade 10 wasn't as bad. But there are some days that whenever someone said "I don't care" I'd just get so depressed and down inside. I myself just think to myself "I don't care anymore" and my mood just plummets. I start acting a bit abnormally and say things I wouldn't normally say. I just straight up withdraw from everything, want to lock myself in a room, curl up and start crying.
At that point, I don't care about myself anymore and would start engaging in unhealthy habits such as trying to please others no matter the cost or stuff my face with food. Sometimes I just start listening to violent rap music to try and cope. I also tend to use a lot of dark humor to try and cope as well as well as watch pretty violent and messed up stuff (you'd think I'm crazy and you'd probably be right). I also kinda like watching things and listening to music that disses and insults and makes fun of others.
I never really had any friends I could talk to about how I'm truly feeling, especially guys since society says that guys are to be tough and not get in their feelings. Not even a friend to help cheer me up or to invite me to do something to take my mind off it.
Since then, I've always been anxious about meeting new people and socializing with others. It's the fear that someone will say "I don't care" and trigger me. Not only that, I've always been socially awkward, especially in verbal, face to face conversation since I tend to always stutter my words when I talk. I feel like I'd look foolish or someone would just brush me off or think negatively of me if I try to make friends or talk with someone.
I've essentially been dealing with anxiety, social anxiety and depression since high school. I haven't been medically diagnosed though. In recent years, I wanted to try and get help, but my mom adamantly insists that there's nothing wrong with me and that I'm just mentally and emotionally weak. I've also been dealing with feelings of hopelessness feeling worthless. My self esteem plummeted gradually.
To be honest, I kinda thought being in a relationship would help me cope and forget about it. I recently tried online dating in the past few months but I haven't really been having any luck so far. It's kinda depressing but it's not too big of a deal. Although it'd be nice to have a relationship with a strong, loving, kind, and supportive girlfriend, I think that wouldn't be fair to her and may end up being a toxic relationship.
TL;DR: I guess to sum up, my fear of "I don't care" all started in high school when I had harsh teachers, a potential girlfriend who basically brushed me off and dumped me silently and all my friends since elementary school abandoning me, I've been messed up mentally and emotionally ever since.
Again, this was a very difficult post to make and I was just essentially pouring out the deep wounds of my heart out on the web, which can sometimes have some brutal and merciless people ready to judge and talk down. I've been holding it in for a long time but I never felt I could tell anyone. I'm holding back tears as I typed this. I don't know if this would help, but at the very least I felt that I needed to vent.
submitted by djdisciplejosh to depression [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 01:34 OTSPOKN 8ight After: if you don't believe, then you have nothing to fear -- Part 1

Part 2

Night #1

Thursday October 3, 2019
Things got serious the day I installed surveillance cameras. That night, after I kissed my wife, Deanna, goodnight, I retired to my home office to edit a video for YouTube.
Just after 1 a.m., a high pitch shriek fills the house and jolts me out of my chair. I immediately run to Deanna, toward the scream. As I dash down the hall I'm hoping she is just having night terrors.
Later, when I watched the surveillance video, I saw something different. I saw something pulling her leg. Intently, I watch, waiting for it to happen again.
I see the gentle rise and fall of Deanna's breaths as she sleeps soundly. She tosses and turns a bit, but nothing out of the ordinary. She snuggles into our waterbed with her right leg hooked around the comforter exposing her foot. Suddenly, her leg kicks as if it were yanked. She's startled, but tries to fall back to sleep.
Our surveillance cameras have audio, so I could hear her grumble, "Vince, don't pull my leg. I'm trying to sleep."* I must admit, messing with her is something I regularly do, but not that night.*
Moments later, Deanna is forcibly pulled to the end of the bed. Jarred awake, she clings to the sheets trying to fight it off. It lets go, freeing her to scurry back to the headboard. She gasps and balls her limbs around her body like a child.
Surveillance Footage capture of Deanna pulled to the foot of the bed.
She scans the room attempting to make sense of what just occurred. Gaining a presence of mind, she creeps toward the foot of the bed to investigate. Slowly, she approaches the edge, grasping a fistful of the comforter for safety. She peers over but sees nothing. Relieved, Deanna rubs her face as she reassesses the room. She turns to my side of the bed and gulps, it must be there. Cautiously, she peeks over that edge, but again finds nothing and breathes a sigh of relief.
As she lingers over my side, the bedroom door behind her creaks. She turns and sees the door closing. Quickly, she sits up to glare at it. The door moves again. In a panic, with revved-up breaths, she calls for me. A hushed gasp at first, until she builds up the nerve to scream, "Vince!"
I fly out of my chair, blaze past the dogs and down the hall. Deanna shields her face in fear as I rush in spouting out a million, "What, what, what's!" I kneel at her side and grab for her; she jumps.
Voice cracking, she mutters, "Do you see it?" She drops the covers a bit to peek.
"See what?" I ask.
"There's someone behind the door." Fixated, she whispers, "Its shadow is right there."
I look over my shoulder, but I see nothing. Then, chillingly, Deanna cries, "She's looking right at us!"
Her words cause my hair follicles to rise, even though I still don't see a thing.
I stand up to approach the door. Deanna begs for me not to. I proceed, not knowing what she expects of me instead.
Once at the door, a cold draft flows over my body and I realize the door movement must be from an open window breeze. I look back to Deanna, she exclaims, "Oh my God. She's right behind you!" Frozen, I slowly turn; then with a sudden whoosh, the door slams! Deanna screams.

Introduction

Before I go any further, I should rewind a bit, to a simpler time -- a time before the security cameras were installed, because the story doesn't start or end here.
My name is Vince Rocca. I'm 46 years old. I have hippie shoulder-length, nearly black hair and brown almond shaped eyes. I also rock an awesome goatee. I'm in decent shape, but I could stand to lay off the donuts.
My wife Deanna is six months older than me, but is often mistaken for a much younger age. She has long brown hair and brown eyes. She is tall and leggy, with a slim build, and tries to workout six nights a week.
I'm a reality television editor. I routinely mold piles of mundane footage in to fun entertainment. I can assure you that reality television is not fake. Sure, the story is sometimes guided, but it is definitely real. In general, people naturally do front a hyper-realized version of themselves for the cameras. But even with the best, guided, most sensational character, it can often take 10-hours of footage to produce a good 3-minute segment.
Vince sitting in front of a computer edit desk.
Deanna is a Registered Veterinary Technician at the Los Angeles Zoo. Her duties involve everything from anesthesia to X-rays. She has done it all, from darting tigers to elephant trunk washes. Her favorite task is caring for the hospitalized animals. Be it a harbor seal or a vulture, she prides herself on finding ways to make their stay enjoyable.
Deanna drawing up a syringe in front of a zoo Gorilla enclosure.
We met in the eighth grade. I vividly recall the moment I first saw this stunning brunette. The leaves were turning in the warm autumn sun at our California junior high school. She crossed the quad in a pink Town & Country shirt as her long, tan legs jutted out from under a white miniskirt. I wish I could say I locked this down immediately, but we didn't start dating until two years later at the age of 16. We have since been inseparable and are blessed to celebrate 30 years together, with 21 of those as husband and wife.
I've heard people describe Deanna as shy, reserved, and quiet. However, she's always game to ham it up in the silly videos we post on the Internet. I, on the other hand, am often described as outspoken, boisterous, and loud. You could say opposites attract, but I really think we're the same person.
We live in Granada Hills, California. It's a lovely suburban community adjacent to Northridge, which became famous in 1994 as the epicenter of a 6.7 magnitude earthquake.
In 2009, we purchased an awesome 2700 square foot 3 bedroom 3 bath home that was originally built in 1965. The house was a bank repossession and sat empty for nearly a year as the previous owners had succumbed to the subprime mortgage collapse.
Exterior photo of the house from across the street.
Because of that recession, we were able to afford this huge house that even includes a den/game room. The house sits on a hill, with neighbors on each side and government land behind it. Bordering that land and us is a ravine with the dry Los Angeles River at the bottom. The large property includes a pool and a six-car parking lot, all nestled behind a sixteen-foot tall gate.
We are kidless, sans for the two fur-babies, which probably lends to our low-stress, youthful spirit. At the very least, being without kids definitely gives us the freedom to travel the globe and enjoy our vacations.
Back in 2014, I started editing our vacation videos as if they were reality TV shows and posted them to YouTube. This was before VLOGS were commonplace, but looking back, that's exactly what these were: Travel VLOGS. For those not up on the term, a VLOG is a Video LOG, much like a BLOG is a written weB LOG.
As time went on, we traveled more and uploaded more, shooting everything became routine. I point this out so you understand that it's not unusual for me to always be filming.

1 YEAR before Night #1

Monday October 22, 2018
We started a little home improvement project, a project that would eventually turn out to have dire consequences on our relationship.
The whole front of our house is brick, but under our bedroom window is a weird wood accent. The wood looks like a headboard surrounded by molded wood trim. I assume this exists because a patio door was an option when the house was first built. Today, we're going to exercise that option and install a French door.
The wood accent under the front window.
Deanna enjoys smashing the glass into pieces. She even takes charge of the sledgehammer to blast holes between the studs so we can get our hands in to leverage the drywall out. I happily run the camcorder, as she pounds and sweats.
Deanna swings a hammer into the drywall.
One particular opening catches her eye. She peers into the wall and declares, "There's something in there." She quickly reaches in and pulls out a little wooden box.
I snatch the box from her and hear a rattle inside. There doesn't seem to be a hinge or an opening. It appears to be two pieces of wood magically joined together by triangular teeth. The box measures about two inches square and one inch thick with a religious cross chiseled into the lid.
Closeup of the box.
Deanna immediately identifies it as a puzzle box, then declares, "I think you're supposed to give it a whack." I figure she' joking, so I hand her the box. She takes a moment to inspect it, then with a WHACK she slides the box open.
Deanna whacking the box on her left palm.
Frankly, the box alone blows my mind. There is a metal ball that engages a magnet and binds the box closed. Take a whack at it, and the ball shifts to another magnet allowing you to slide the box open. It's pretty ingenious.
Detail shots of how the box opens.
More exciting than the box, is the contents. Deanna joyfully inspects a shiny silver necklace with an angled cross charm dangling from it. The cross is unlike a normal cross, but it isn't a sinister upside-down cross either. It hangs at a tilt, almost like an italicized lowercase t.
Deanna immediately exclaims, "It's a Portate cross!"
My head rattles, "What the hell is a Portate cross?"
"A Portate Cross is a wooden cross that the accused drags over their shoulder to the crucifixion site. As you watch the accused drag this cross, it is at an angle, or portate."
Deanna holds up the angled Portate cross as Vince VLOGS.
I'm literally taken aback. I don't know why she knows that. I don't know how she knows how to open the box. I look to her for answers. She smiles coyly at my bewilderment and seems pleased with herself.
I take a closer look at the cross. The necklace looks well-made and could possibly be white gold. I wonder aloud if the cross could pay for our renovation. Deanna scoffs at this notion. I roll my eyes; as if she knows everything.
She snatches the treasure out of my hands and walks off with it.
I ended up making two VLOGS out of the renovation. You can see them here:
Replace a window with a French door Part 1 VLOG 118
Replace a window with a French door Part 2 VLOG 119

3 WEEKS before Night #1

Thursday September 12, 2019
Eleven months have passed. The year was good but nothing too remarkable happened. I spent most of my time editing back-to-back TV shows. We did manage to take a quick trip to Florida for a veterinary conference. I was able to eke out a single VLOG from that trip on Gatorland. Over the next few months I cranked out a few more Daily VLOGS and How To videos, but I stalled around May and spent my Summer hanging out with Deanna, floating around our pool.
I came across that wooden box; it had fallen behind some shoes in the back of our closet. I took both the cross and the box to a pawnshop for appraisal. The shop clerk confirmed that Deanna is right, it ain't white gold.
The guy identified the box as an Impossible Dovetail Puzzle Box. Apparently it's a pretty common puzzle, but Deanna has never been the puzzle type, so I still don't know how she knows its secret.
Tonight, while eating dinner, Deanna recounts the events of her day. I look down at her chest and see the Portate cross around her neck. I ask, "What's with that?" sparking a religious debate.
Now might be a good time to mention that we're both atheists, or at least, I thought we both were. I should also clarify -- as there is often judgment when I say I'm an atheist -- I don't worship the devil, and I don't hate God. I just don't believe in either God or the devil for that matter. I also don't believe in ghosts, goblins, spirits -- none of that stuff. I have nothing to fear. I sleep soundly at night.
Have you ever noticed that the devil only attacks the God-fearing folk? I've never heard of an atheist being haunted. I don't have anything against those who subscribe to religion, but if you believe in one, you fear the other; and that fear is what gets you. If you don't believe, there is nothing to hurt you, so you're safe, and you've got nothing to fear.
Anyway, I find it odd that Deanna, whom I've known my entire life, is wearing a trinket that epitomizes religion. Her defense is, "I think it's nice," so I guess what harm could it do?
As the night sets in, I leave Deanna home alone while I venture off to a filmmaking mixer. I go to a couple of these a month. Some are educational events about new technologies; others are just drinks and chats. Tonight's event is the drinking kind.
At tonight's mixer, I meet Christina. She's an attractive 24-year-old Hispanic girl who is a fan of my VLOG and an aspiring Assistant Editor.
Assistant Editor types tend to be introverted, dorky by-the-numbers nerds. Add booze, and they can be very unique. Christina is just that, dorky and tipsy. We immediately hit it off. I mean, she is a fan of my VLOG, and I tend to like people who like me, because obviously they have great taste.
Back at home, Deanna isn't having as much fun. She wakes from a nap on the living room couch to the sounds of whispers coming from the kitchen. Frightened, she flips on her phone camera video light and proceeds to investigate. Slowly, she tiptoes across the dining room, as the whispers increase in volume. She can see through the dark kitchen into the game room on the other side. The dim moonlight illuminates something in the doorway. She can barely make it out, then it becomes clear: on the other side of the kitchen, in our game room, stands the silhouette of a person swaying in the dark. Startled, Deanna flicks on the light, and it disappears.
Unnerved, she turns on all the lights in the house and double checks to ensure the security alarm is set. It is armed and shows no faults. Realizing she has succumbed to an overactive imagination, she makes an attempt to VLOG in the kitchen while she prepares some comfort food. She removes a bowl from the cabinet and turns back toward the camera to pour in cereal. Behind her the cabinet drifts open and a cup falls out, plummets to the ground and shatters.
Deanna jumps while holding cereal box as cup flies out of cabinet.
Our cupboards have magnetic closures because 50-year-old cabinets have weak hinges that tend to drift open. In addition, Deanna often double stacks the coffee cups in an unstable manner. We both assumed this combo led to the broken cup.
But now, when I look back at the footage, it clearly looks like the cabinet door is completely closed with the magnet engaged. The door then pops open on its own, and the cup doesn't fall out, but flies out, almost like it's thrown.
Startled, Deanna laughs off the broken cup. She acknowledges for the VLOG audience that it is probably from double stacking the cups. She sweeps up the shards of ceramic and takes them out back to the trash. She even VLOGS the whole adventure.
As she approaches the trash bins, she freezes and turns toward the pool, straining to listen. She turns back, then to the pool again. Blood drains from her cheeks, out of nowhere with a sudden burst, she runs back to the house. She trips and falls. Her phone camera goes black as it flies through the night air, then slides across the pavement before coming to a dead stop.
The phone picks up her distant whimper as she repeats, "Oh my toe, oh my toe." She comes into view hovering over the camera and reaches down to pick it up. The phone is still recording and shows glimpses of her foot as she limps. Her right big toe is messed up pretty bad.
I mentioned before that Deanna is an animal nurse. Her primary job is at the zoo, but sometimes she is needed in the field for freelance clients. Because of this she has a toolbox of stuff at home, which consists of various drugs, medicine, and needles.
I could have never done this, but Deanna possesses a courage that puts me to shame. She draws up a syringe of Lidocaine and shoots it into her toe to numb it. She even VLOGS the whole thing.
Deanna is about to insert the tip of a three inch needle into her right toe.
She actually films a massive three-inch needle as she stabs it into her foot. Three INCHES! I asked why the needle was so big, she said she had a surplus of them and didn't want to waste a smaller needle in case she needed one for an animal injection. Bless her heart, her toe is mangled, she's in pain, and she still puts the critters before herself.
The video shows Deanna inject herself in three places. She then taps her toe to confirm numbness. Once satisfied, she takes a pair tweezers and gives the nail a gentle pull. It breaks away like the separation of Velcro. She pulls her nail completely off her toe exposing a bloody mess of skin underneath. This is disgusting, and I have no idea how she did it.
What happens next is the icing on the cake. Deanna settles down on the living room couch to VLOG a summary of the evening. She explains to the camera that she's freaked out, but she is just going to watch TV while she waits for me to arrive. She leans forward to grab the television remote off the ottoman. When she falls back into the couch, there's a woman sitting next to her. Deanna screams, jumps to her feet, and staggers away from the couch. She turns toward the woman: nothing is there.
Ghost on couch scaring Deanna.
I arrive home to a brightly lit house. She gives me the rundown, illustrating with videos. I laugh incredulously as I watch a video of our game room. She claims a dark figure stood in the doorway. I see nothing. She also claims a ghost sat next to her on the couch. I play the video back and watch her scream like a lunatic for no reason. It's silly.
She's angry that I don't believe her. To placate her, I stifle my laughter, listen, and nod. I don't believe in ghosts. But if you tell me you saw a ghost, I do believe that you believe that you saw a ghost. I just never thought Deanna would be the one telling me she saw a ghost, or how she describes it, "A shadowy figure that glows in a ghostly fashion with steam rising softly from her body."
Friday September 13th, 2019
I regularly journal. The inspiration came from a Robert Rodriguez book, which ultimately led me to write the filmmaking book "Rebel without a Deal." If you're interested, it's available on Amazon, not that this is a sales pitch. The book's subject matter has nothing to do with the events I'm recounting here; I only mention this so you don't judge me as a sissy for keeping a diary.
In celebration of Friday the 13th, I decide to digitally insert a ghost into Deanna's couch video as a fun VLOG treat.
I called Christina from last night's networking event. She lives nearby and I know she is between gigs. She comes over, and I film her on the couch acting like a ghost. I edit her in to Deanna's couch video and I even make her transparent with a ghostly mist.
Detail image showing how the ghost was composited into Deanna's video.
After Deanna gets home from work and settles in, I show her my creation, expecting to get a laugh of approval. I totally misread the situation though.
Deanna is still pissed that I don't believe she saw a ghost. I don't understand why. I mean, there is video footage showing nothing there. She insists that I should believe that there was a shadowy figure of a legless woman sitting right next to her. I chuckle again at the thought of a legless woman, responding with, "She would be easy to run from."
Deanna retaliates and accuses me of something with Christina. This is absurd. So what if Christina is cute? I've been with Deanna for 30 years, and there's no reason not to trust me. Besides, I think Christina might be slow.
As I mentioned before, Assistant Editor's are unique. Some people might define them as being on the autistic spectrum. Well, Christina seems to fit that bill. What I had mistaken for inebriated behavior turns out to be "special" behavior. I'm not sure if Deanna believes me, but in hindsight, she might be thinking that she's been with me for 30 years so there's no reason for me not to believe her.
Saturday September 14, 2019
After 10 years, the ceiling fan in our bedroom finally made its last revolution. Michael came over to help me swap the fan out and film the installation of a new one.
Michael is my best friend. He's been in the VLOG before and regularly does the podcast "GetConVinced" with me. He is a teacher of special needs kids but is best described as a Jesus look-a-like.
Michael helping install fan.
Michael is outside the French door gathering tools when Deanna enters the room. She broke the chain on the Portate cross and asked me to fix it. I tell her to throw the necklace out. This sets her off.
She now claims she isn't an atheist. She says she was always unsure and only identified as one to appease me. I have no clue where this came from. We've been together our whole lives. There has never been any indication that she believed, or that I would judge her for believing.
Michael reenters the room and cuts our conversation short.
YouTube enables you to upload a video today and set the premiere for a later date and time. This allows me to finish a video in the middle of the night and upload the file, but not notify viewers of it at two-thirty in the morning when they are probably asleep.
I set this video to premiere on Sunday, September 22 to start the week, but later I discovered that I mistakenly chose October 22 instead.
How To Replace and Install a Ceiling Fan
I understand if you're asking, What does a ceiling fan have to do with this story? Unfortunately, that will make sense soon.

Pool Party!

Saturday September 21, 2019
The pool is 98 degrees, and it's a warm, sunny California day. So before winter sets in, we're having people over for an end-of-summer BBQ.
To my delight, Deanna's friend Amy brought her 18-year-old daughter Jenna and three of Jenna's girlfriends to the BBQ. These bikini clad hotties frolic around the pool and really bring on the sorority vibe. Not that I'm complaining, as it's a fine sight to see.
Four Bikini girls wave for Vince.
I show a group of our friends the ghost I comped into Deanna's couch footage, and they laugh. Deanna seems to have lightened up and recognizes the humor in the video. I think she might be okay with me using the footage in a VLOG.
My buddy, Marty proposes the idea that we have a seance tonight. He is a hardcore Metal Head and a die-hard Horror movie geek. He even owns a company, PlayItByFear.com that sells horror paraphernalia. So it's no surprise to any of us that he suggests a seance. He assures us it is safe and fun. Deanna recoils at the idea, but Amy is onboard, stifling any objection Deanna might have had.
As the festivities wind down and the younger girls leave, we move the party into the house. I set up four cameras around the living room and have my phone attached to my three-axis gimbal. Everybody seems up for the seance, even Deanna, but Tom is totally against it.
Tom is a stand-up comedian and an actor. In 2003 I cast him in my first movie, Kisses and Caroms. He has been on numerous TV shows and most recently in the Progressive Motaur commercial. Tom loves to joke, so I'm not sure if this anti-seance stance is just a routine.
Also, Tom lost his father a few years ago, and later, when Tom was under anesthesia for an operation, he claimed his dad visited him. So Tom's spiritual beliefs may have fluctuated recently.
Tom Ayers rejecting the seance.
Tom and Amy get into a bit of a back-and-forth debating God, ghosts, and religion. I don't know if I'd call it an argument, but it is a bit heated. Just as Amy is gaining ground on Tom, Deanna shushes everyone. She hears something. I hear it too. It's a whisper.
Being the man of the house, I get up to investigate. I creep down the hall toward the whisper. I can almost make the hushed noise out..."I like your..." is what the words sound like. I realize that everyone else stayed seated in the living room and I have no one backing me up. I'm alone in the hall. My heart is hammering out of my chest. Still, I press on down the dark corridor. The light switch is on the opposite end from me. Even if I could reach it, I don't know if I would turn it on, for fear of seeming like a wimp in front of everyone.
The end of the hall splits in three directions. To the left is another hall that leads to our other bedrooms/home offices. Straight ahead is a guest bath, and to the right is a second doorway to the game room.
I freeze a few feet shy of this junction. The light switch is still a good foot out of reach. I again hear the whisper coming from the left hall. I can make the words out now. It whispers, "I like your dogs." I white knuckle my gimbal. Everyone in the living room is silent. Everything is silent as I listen intently. Then with a sudden, "Boo!", Bill jumps out from the right side and scares the crap out of me.
Bill sitting between Deanna and Amy on the living room couch.
Bill is our neighbor. He's also an actor most famously from Comedy Central's "Workaholics". Those who are fans of the show will be delighted to know that in real life, Bill is very similar to his character on "Workaholics". He's strange, but he also seems to get the joke. Bill is the kind of guy in a horror movie that the girl mistakes as a creep, but turns out to be the nice guy trying to help her.
After scaring the crap out of me, Bill graces us with a story. He claims that one night before we moved in, he heard noises coming from our house. He looked over the wall and saw a bunch of cops. He overheard one officer say that the guy who lived in my house, Jose, shot his wife, Patricia, in the kneecaps, then hung himself.
Bill explains Jose shot her in the knees so her hobble would always remind her of that day, but instead, Patricia bled out and died.
In the moment, I play along with the story. It's fun and it's freaking Deanna out. Tom seems to buy into it too, asking me how I didn't know this when I bought the house. I quickly pass that off by explaining, the house was a bank repossession, and the bank doesn't have to disclose anything; you buy the house as-is.
Truth is, I'm not buying Bill's story at all. For one, how would the police know the reason Patricia was shot in the kneecaps? If they arrived before she died, would that really be her last words? Most likely, Bill is playing off Deanna's ghost video; he was in the mix when I showed it earlier while joking that a legless ghost would be easy to run from.
Bill also couldn't remember the date. That seems like a pretty traumatic thing that would remain etched in your brain. Granted we've been in this house for 10 years, so if this happened, it happened over a decade ago, but these were Bill's nextdoor neighbors that he knew by name. So I'm not buying his story.
Monday September 23, 2019
I finish the vlog of Deanna's couch ghost and upload it. Since this VLOG is in the Halloween spirit, I set the premiere date for October 11th.
Summer Bikini Pool Party Daily Vlog 132
Tuesday September 24, 2019
I decide to prank Deanna for a follow-up video. Over the last few days I've teased her with Bill's story. I've been telling her the ghost of Patricia is haunting our house.
Tonight, I'm going to crank it up a notch. It's one in the morning, and Deanna is sound asleep in our bedroom. I creep in and set up a couple of cameras and a small light. Next, I open the French door. The fall temperature is about 60 degrees outside, which is a good 15 degrees cooler than the house, providing just enough of a chill to be eerie.
I slide into bed and Deanna rolls over toward me, but doesn't open her eyes. I poke her head to wake her up. She groggily asks, "Why'd you open the door?"
"I didn't open the door, did you open the door?"
"No, I was sleeping."
"I was sleeping too. I woke up and the door was open."
Deanna is now at full attention, trying to suss out the situation. I rev-up my breathing into a labored pace. We both gaze at the open door waiting for something to happen then, "Boo!" She jumps, I laugh.
Deanna rolls away mad, but I'm not finished yet. I impersonate a decrepit woman's voice to scare her even more. I groan, "I'm coming for you, Deanna."
Deanna wincing in bed, her back is to Vince and the open French door is behind them.
She winces and begs, "Don't do that voice. It's creepy. Stop."
Slowly, I inch my finger toward her face. I can feel her squirm and twitch. I tap her cheek, and she explodes with a scream.
I antagonize her with a belly laugh, but my celebration is stopped short by a knock at the front door. I'm confused because the driveway gate prevents people from getting to our front door. Deanna sits up, as I quickly lock the French door. My phone is already recording and rather than fumble with its light I grab a flashlight off my end table.
Deanna cowers into the comforter as I proceed toward the foyer. I peek around the corner into the hall. To my shock, the front door is wide open. "Hello?" I muster. "Hello?" No response. My heart tightens at the thought of someone in the house. I don't want to step any further in fear that a person is hiding around the corner in the living room with an axe. I contemplate grabbing Deanna and escaping out the French door. I don't know what to do. The silence is broken by the "thwock" of a ball as it bounces in through the door. I jump back. My throat knots up. Who the hell threw that? What the hell is going on? I'm petrified. I can't take my eyes off the door.
The open front door from Vince's iPhone VLOG camera.
Our dog, Pismo darts in and grabs the ball. I literally feel my throat fall to the floor and I almost collapse, but I regain my composure to put on a confident front for Deanna. Pismo doesn't seem bothered, so there can't be any danger, right? I mean, dogs are supposed to have a sixth sense about this stuff. At least that is what every movie depicts. I push the front door closed, secure the deadbolt and set the alarm.
I figure Pismo got out through the French door, ran around, found her ball, and pushed open the front door. Our front door is 50 years old and never had a traditional latch. Instead, the door uses a ball catch latch, which is a ball bearing that can be easily pushed open or closed.
Front door knob and ball catch.
Wednesday September 25, 2019
I cut together last night's prank video. The addition of some music and sound effects really sweeten it up. I'm able to pitch shift my creepy woman's voice to sell the scare. I think it turns out pretty well.
Changes with YouTube algorithms have caused video views to suffer, so I decide to premiere this one a couple weeks after the last video. That will put this closer to Halloween and give the last one a chance to rack up some eyeballs.
Halloween Prank Daily VLOG 133

Stalker

Friday September 27, 2019
I take the dogs for a walk, and standing in my driveway is Christina. I didn't call her, but I ask how long she's been here? She never breaks focus on the dogs, and responds, "not long." I suppose it's possible she just arrived as I walked out.
Christina squatting on the sidewalk petting Pismo.
Today, her intellect really shows. She riles up the dogs yelling, "Chase me, chase me. Come on," and keeps skipping in front of them. She acts like a child. I feel bad. She's a sweet girl and means no harm but she is odd and annoying too.
Tuesday October 1, 2019
Sixteen security cameras and two DVRs were delivered today. Deanna has been against outfitting the house with cameras. She feels like they will be watching her. I think they'll be great to watch the dogs and capture any spontaneous silliness that might occur to make for a good VLOG video. Plus they're a good way to combat potential stalkers like Christina.

Night #1

Thursday October 3, 2019
Today I finished the security camera install. When Deanna gets home, I show off the cameras to her. She's not pleased. I anticipated this, so I present her with the repaired Portate cross. I came across the broken necklace while I was running wires. One of the chain loops had split so I gave it a quick mend. This turned out to be just what I needed to soften her stance on the cameras.
Later that the night, I pass out on the couch. I'm sound asleep when something slides down my forehead between my eyes and onto my nose. It feels like a feather caressing my skin, but then it settles on the bridge with pressure. It comes into focus. It's a long, dirty, brittle fingernail. The rough frayed edges press harder digging into the bridge. I begin to feel the collapse of my septum. The pressure causes the nail to bow, then snap, the nail breaks off. My eyes pop, I see her hovering over me, I fly off the couch and almost hit the ceiling.
Deanna laughs, "I bet you're glad we have video cameras now!"
I'm disorientated; I expected to see the owner of the dirty nail, but I quickly conclude what transpired. It was Deanna dangling a plastic spider on my face. The finger was a dream.
"Funny. Ha ha," I groggily reply. "You wanna step up the game? It's on now."
Deanna laughs it off as she heads to the bedroom.
This is the night Deanna's leg is first pulled, and the door slammed. I recounted that event at the beginning of this story and see no reason to copy and paste it here.
Surveillance Footage capture of Deanna pulled to the foot of the bed.
After the door slam, I try to explain to Deanna that the wind blew it shut, but she doesn't believe me. She rocks in bed and begins to pray. I've never seen her pray. I know as a kid she attended a private Christian school, but I understood that was because her mom taught at that school. This meant Deanna got to go for free and her mom could watch over her. I didn't realize the prayer had stuck.
I finally set Deanna at ease by getting into bed with her to watch Friends with the lights on. At some point, she nods off. Around 3 a.m. I turn the volume down and close my eyes.
Friday October 4, 2019
Deanna is about to leave for work. Normally, I would sleep later in the morning, but I want to touch base about last night. We briefly chat in the kitchen over coffee. She appears fine and seems to realize that last night was silly. I joke that she needs more Sexy Time. She responds, "Sexy Time tonight?" It's a date.
After Deanna leaves, I pull up the security camera footage on the computer to review last night. I also watch her spider prank. It's pretty good. I fly off the couch like a scaredy-cat. After getting a good laugh at myself, I take off to meet Tom for lunch.
I chat with Tom about his beliefs, and what Deanna might believe. I postulate, can an atheist and a zealot be married? Isn't it like a vegan and a meat-eater? They're too fundamentally different to be together. Tom insists vegans and meat-eaters can be together and I shouldn't compare them. He concludes with the revelation that I'm a knucklehead.
I begin to wonder. Deanna's one of the smartest people I know. She even made the Dean's List in college. Maybe I am wrong? Maybe there is a God. I don't verbalize these notions to Tom, because I think he'll eat them up.
Deanna gets home from work early for date night. We split a pizza and a bottle of Pinot Grigio. She really pounds the wine like water. After dinner, she leads me into our bedroom. I'm able to gauge that she isn't really that drunk. She's just drunk enough to do a bit of a cabaret dance, but not so drunk that she falls over. After her dance, she charges me and tackles me onto our waterbed.
I've got my hands all over her, as we kiss and make out. Suddenly, she loses interest in me and looks to the door like something is there. I try to get her to refocus on me. She's receptive, but a moment later she looses interest again.
I explain it's just the dogs, and regain her attention. A moment later, I hear something too. We both stop and gaze at the door. I can make out a whisper, or possibly a grumble -- noises that can't come from the dogs. I'm about to push Deanna's half-naked body off me to investigate, when CRASH! The ceiling fan tumbles down on us.
Debris falls everywhere as we both scurry out of the way. I'm aghast. I know I securely mounted this thing to the ceiling. How could it fall? Deanna shushes me. "There's something in this room. I can feel it," she insists. Suddenly, she grabs her pillows and declares she is not sleeping in here and storms down the hall.
She spends the night in the spare bedroom, which is also her office. I throw the fan off the waterbed and momentarily consider getting the ladder to inspect the ceiling, but decide I'm too drunk for that. Instead, I fall back into bed and spend the night alone.
I decide to assemble Deanna's leg-pull footage into some previously unused VLOG footage. Some days I start to VLOG and don't finish. Some days, only one interesting thing happens, but it's only a small bit that doesn't end up anywhere. I'm now going back to assemble those stray bits into what I think will be an awesome Halloween VLOG that can end with Deanna's leg pull.
This is creepy! Daily VLOG 134
submitted by OTSPOKN to nosleep [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 01:04 djdisciplejosh Whenever someone says "I don't care", I tend to get somewhat bothered and depressed. Is something wrong with me? (please read the post and hear me out)

I'm a 21 year old guy just trying to figure out what do do in life. Not that any of that matters, but I thought I'd say it just to give a bit of context.
I know this may sound silly to some or you may think I'm weird or a total freak and I totally understand that. I know some may think "what is this kid on about nothing for, just get over it". Again, also understandable. But I'm not sure if this is something I can truly get over.
This wasn't an easy post to make and I don't think I've told anyone about it. I've kept it to myself for years and haven't told anyone in fear of being misunderstood or judged. Sometimes I felt like I needed to get it off my chest and tell someone and I figured Reddit would be a good and safe place to do it so here goes.
I don't understand how such a common phrase "I don't care" can trigger bad memories and thoughts and really make me depressed. I really just want to cry. Actually, it's not just the phrase, but rather it has to do more with a series of events.
This all started about 7 years ago back in early 2013 when I was first starting high school. It began around the second half of Grade 9. That's when things started going downhill. I had this particular teacher who taught business technology who was kind of rough. I wouldn't necessarily say she was straight up rude, but she was kinda harsh and wasn't the most friendliest or approachable either. She was a pretty hard marker too. Naturally, I didn't end up doing very well in that class. I still passed but just barely. I was also naturally stressed as well.
During that same time, I had gotten on a social network called Google+ (now discontinued). I had met a few people there. The reason for joining was because I got dumped by all my old friends and they didn't wanna hang out with me anymore and didn't seem to want me around for whatever reason. I was left without any friends during high school and it really hindered my ability to socialize with others. So that's why I joined G+ and then oddly enough I made some friends.
I met some people around my age group from all over the world and I got to chat with some of them. Interestingly, I never messaged first, but they texted me first, which was a big help. I met this one girl whom started with I started talking with me. Eventually, she was giving hints and she developed romantic feelings for me (even though I didn't necessarily go along with it). I may be wrong, but I think the very thing that triggered my fear of "I don't care" was there was a time when I was trying to entertain her and make her laugh. I wasn't saying or sharing anything vulgar or nasty or anything. Naturally, I've never not good at keeping conversation so just trying to say something was a struggle. And the very moment I tried, she was just like "idc". I think that was the start of it. Someone who's already dealing with social anxiety, I just felt like my ideas and worth didn't matter. A few months later, I found that she posted that she was getting all lovey dovey with another trying to flirt with him. I felt disheartened but I didn't let it bother me too much.
That same harsh teacher I mentioned kinda made things worse with her attitude and she said "I don't care" quite a lot.
From then on, that's when "I don't care" started to trigger me. I'd get depressed whenever someone says it, no matter who it is or the context.
Fast forward to 10th grade and it wasn't necessarily different from 9th grade. I'd had another particularly mean and harsh teacher in grade 10 too. She was an art teacher and she always seemed to have to find a reason to get angry or annoyed, even at the smallest things. She was kind of rude as well. I still had no friends and was still stressed. Not only juggling schoolwork but also the social struggles of being a teenager in high school.
I still dealt with the problem after that and still do to this day. Though, throughout high school after grade 10 wasn't as bad. But there are some days that whenever someone said "I don't care" I'd just get so depressed and down inside. I myself just think to myself "I don't care anymore" and my mood just plummets. I start acting a bit abnormally and say things I wouldn't normally say. I just straight up withdraw from everything, want to lock myself in a room, curl up and start crying.
At that point, I don't care about myself anymore and would start engaging in unhealthy habits such as trying to please others no matter the cost or stuff my face with food. Sometimes I just start listening to violent rap music to try and cope. I also tend to use a lot of dark humor to try and cope as well as well as watch pretty violent and messed up stuff (you'd think I'm crazy and you'd probably be right). I also kinda like watching things and listening to music that disses and insults and makes fun of others.
I never really had any friends I could talk to about how I'm truly feeling, especially guys since society says that guys are to be tough and not get in their feelings. Not even a friend to help cheer me up or to invite me to do something to take my mind off it.
Since then, I've always been anxious about meeting new people and socializing with others. It's the fear that someone will say "I don't care" and trigger me. Not only that, I've always been socially awkward, especially in verbal, face to face conversation since I tend to always stutter my words when I talk. I feel like I'd look foolish or someone would just brush me off or think negatively of me if I try to make friends or talk with someone.
I've essentially been dealing with anxiety, social anxiety and depression since high school. I haven't been medically diagnosed though. In recent years, I wanted to try and get help, but my mom adamantly insists that there's nothing wrong with me and that I'm just mentally and emotionally weak. I've also been dealing with feelings of hopelessness feeling worthless. My self esteem plummeted gradually.
To be honest, I kinda thought being in a relationship would help me cope and forget about it. I recently tried online dating in the past few months but I haven't really been having any luck so far. It's kinda depressing but it's not too big of a deal. Although it'd be nice to have a relationship with a strong, loving, kind, and supportive girlfriend, I think that wouldn't be fair to her and may end up being a toxic relationship.
TL;DR: I guess to sum up, my fear of "I don't care" all started in high school when I had harsh teachers, a potential girlfriend who basically brushed me off and dumped me silently and all my friends since elementary school abandoning me, I've been messed up mentally and emotionally ever since.
Again, this was a very difficult post to make and I was just essentially pouring out the deep wounds of my heart out on the web, which can sometimes have some brutal and merciless people ready to judge and talk down. I've been holding it in for a long time but I never felt I could tell anyone. I'm holding back tears as I typed this. I don't know if this would help, but at the very least I felt that I needed to vent.
submitted by djdisciplejosh to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]


2020.09.15 19:07 girlfromthenorth12 Asexuality or Fear of Intimacy?

Hi All,
I'm going through a bit a soul searching after a rough couple months. I am getting frustrated that at 28, I sometimes feel as lost as I did as a teenager.
One of the things I am working out right now is if I am asexual or if my fear of intimacy is keeping me from experiencing sexual attraction. I have had sex several times, most of the times I was quite drunk to be honest and only had sex with the same person twice once. I have never really enjoyed it, felt pleasure or orgasmed from having sex.. However, I enjoy masturbation and the psychical pleasures of it. Reading more about asexuality it seems to fit me. However, I do feel like I am physically attracted to men in a different way than females (I'm female). For example, as a teenager me and my sister would watch TV shows and gossip about cute boys/men. The main character of the show White Collar, Neal, make me swoon, oh man. But this attraction doesn't make me want to have sex with them. I find penises kinda gross. And similar to that subject, I have never enjoyed porn or sex scenes in movies..
However, I also have a fear of intimacy that stems from I believe various circumstances in my childhood/teenage years. I was always shy and awkward in high school, and never built strong friendships, and as a result I had very little self confidence, which lead my teenager brain to think it was because I was ugly, which then led to eating disorder and depression. I consider my relationship with food fairly healthy now, and body image as ok it can be in our society that focuses so much on beauty. I realized now that those were merely reactions to the underlying problem. Moving away to university things improved, and I found what I consider good friends, although I never shared these personal doubts with them. I also was in a big party culture, so I rarely was in social situations without alcohol, and do think I used it as a way to calm my social anxiety. I now moved around a lot and relocated countries frequently so it was easy to avoid deep relationships. I tried dating with tinder while living in Dublin, but after one date I would not want to go farther. I'm most of the time uncomfortable in a social situation with just one other person and get super anxious, while if its a bigger group I don't feel as much pressure to interact. Although small talk is fine. This summer, I have started to really doubt some of the friendships I have in my life now, due to some ethical/political differences we have. But I think I may also just be running away again.
Long story short, is I don't know how to be emotionally intimate with people, even with my sisters, I haven't shared this with them, although they are the people I turn to when I'm upset. I do think romantic relationships look lovely and would love to be able to love.. I know people love me, I just struggle to feel it back. This anxiety also has been affecting my career, as I lack confidence to push myself into what I am passionate about and network the way I should. I really want to get better, and at this point can't afford therapy. Reading about asexuality has made me feel a bit better as I can identify with a lot of it, but I'm not 100% sure that I am. I hadn't really even realized it could be a thing until recently. I also thought that my lack of interest in sex was because of my anxiety and that it would come once I addressed it.
submitted by girlfromthenorth12 to asexuality [link] [comments]


2020.09.15 16:05 lylialina What niche to make a profitable blog?

What niche to make a profitable blog?
I did some research on the net a few months ago and I found several niche / theme ideas and it is from my research that I choose my blog ideas so I share my list with you so that you also you find an idea that fascinates you.
1.Health:
  • Diet, Nutrition, Alternative medicine, Healing with plants.
  • Mental and emotional health, Take care of yourself, Self-confidence, Skin problems, Get out of depression, Treat your anxiety, Lose weight.
  • Eat a balanced diet, Conquer spasmophilia, Improve your heart rate, Stop smoking, Treat back pain
  • Undergo psychotherapy, Have beautiful skin.
  • Grow your hair faster, Learn mindfulness meditation, Reduce your wrinkles and signs of aging, Become muscular and have a beautiful figure.
  • Follow a specific diet, Treat yourself with hypnosis, Alternative medicine, Art-Therapy.
  • Homeopathy, Detox tips, Going vegan, Overcome baldness, Overcome hypochondria, Superfoods.
2. Money :
  • Investment.
  • Online Betting, Personal Finance, Business & Financial Independence, Cryptocurrencies, Retirement, Make Money Online.
  • How to save easily, Where to put your money, Have multiple sources of income, Choose the best bank.
  • Invest in real estate, Make profits thanks to virtual currencies, Build up capital in 5 years.
  • Manage your budget and expenses well, Overcome compulsive buying, Win at sports betting, Create your own retirement.
  • Remove blockages in relation to money, Monetize your skills, Earn money at home, Get a promotion.
  • Negotiate your salary, invest in the stock market, Become an annuitant, Win at poker.
3. Travel :
  • Guide to cities and regions
  • Travel abroad, Expatriate, Learn a foreign language, travel agency, Cheap flight
  • Ideas for Christian visits (excursions to the Holy Land, etc.)
  • Ecotourism destinations (ecological travel ideas, etc.)
  • Food trip (best barbecue spots in Texas, best taco in Austin, etc.)
  • Traveling with children (travel essentials for toddlers, etc.)
  • Road trip tips and ideas (trip with advice on cats, etc.)
4. Fitness / Sport:
  • Weight loss, CrossFit, Cycling, Running, Extreme sports, Hiking, Pilates, Aquagym, Sports coach
  • Do Yoga, Learn to run, Exercise alone at home
  • Improve your sports performance, Swimming, Krav Maga techniques, All about horse riding
  • Learn to ride a horse, Play sports when you hate it, Run a marathon
  • Exercises to do at the gym, Choose the best equipment for exercising, Work on your abs to have a flat stomach
  • Nutrition for top athletes, Sport for pregnant women, Learn karate, Learn about fitness
  • Become a sports coach
  • Stretching
5. Romantic relationships / Human relationships:
  • Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Raising a family, Divorce
  • Avoid toxic relationships, Make real friends, Be comfortable in public, Meet new people
  • Win back your ex, Find a soul mate quickly, Seduce when you're shy
  • How to talk to women / men, Find love online
  • Being happy with celibacy, Learning to love yourself to find a soul mate, Having a successful first date, Managing your relationship problems, Love compatibility, Being happy as a couple, Identifying narcissistic manipulators
  • Letting go of your ex and moving on, Using dating apps effectively, Eliminating the wounds of an old relationship
  • Have a fulfilling sex life, Get out of the friend zone, Seduce a man / a woman, The "one night stands"
  • Ill Jealousy, Learn to start a conversation
  • Maintain good relationships with colleagues, Positive parenting, Educate children
  • Create a professional network, Work in a team / group, The art of rhetoric, Communicate effectively
  • Maintain good relations with others, Overcome shyness, Become charismatic, Spot liars
  • Talking Tips, Stop Being Asocial, Talking To People When You Are Lacking Self-Confidence, Understanding Non-Verbal Signs.
And to analyze your niche and confirm it you can use its tools:
  • google trends
  • semrush
  • Secockpit

https://preview.redd.it/sxllrsvtjbn51.png?width=602&format=png&auto=webp&s=088d85eee69659c21cb690d34c40af0452a60a4d
submitted by lylialina to NicheWebsites [link] [comments]


2020.09.15 15:15 wrecxy How did Nepal Unilever Limited become so successful?

How did Nepal Unilever Limited become so successful?

Whenever you walk into a supermarket (let's say either Bhatbhateni or BigMart), almost 20% of the basic commodities, while on the outside maybe of different brands, but if you track their parent company, it comes from one company: Unilever.


Hetauda and Bara have become the industrial powerhouses in Nepal.
In the center of all this, Unilever.

Unilever is one of the largest companies in Nepal, operating under the name, Nepal Unilever Limited.
Business Casual quotes:

You can wake up, brush your teeth, make breakfast, clean the house, make lunch, have dessert by using only Unilever's products.

Unilever divides its products into 4 categories:

  • Food
  • Personal Care
  • Cleaning Supplies
  • Refreshment

And it has totally dominated the markets in these segments.


In 1929, the merger between the company of businessmen Margarine Unie and the Lever Brothers led to the birth of Unilever.

  • The deal was mostly agreed upon to balance out the supply of animal fat, a material that both companies used in their products.

Unilever, as of today is worth about $70 billion.


In Nepal, Unilever's share price is 19,900 rupees per share.


This is the highest stock price of a company in Nepal to date.
(According to NEPSE)

The journey of Unilever Nepal started in 1992 when Nepal Lever Limited, set up a factory in Makwanpur district with an initial investment of 73.65 million NPR.
The factory started with the production of detergents, cleaning powders, toothpaste, and toilet soaps.

The following evaluation is made in the context of Nepal and India.

To dive into their success, we need to take a deeper look into their distribution network.

Unilever's strict threshold for their distributions, i.e a Partner Selection Criteria makes sure that their distributors have a collective coverage of geographical locations.

Ex: Distributors should ensure that Unilever products can be supplied from cities to remote places.

They make sure of the fact that their distributors are capable sellers and have strong financial backgrounds as well as focus on Unilever's industry segment.

This makes Unilever's supply chain very strong and effective, it ensures that not even a single raw material gets delayed.


Aside from the aforementioned fact, their products are surprisingly high quality, even at such low prices.

This enables them to effectively penetrate the Nepalese and the Indian market, as consumers here are very price sensitive.

Additionally, Unilever has a great product range and wins the sympathy of consumers by investing in various projects.
(No such mainstream records in Nepal about this aforementioned case)

https://preview.redd.it/lsndxdkx6bn51.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ed1184610b41c3c1fdb0e99433b213d82f593f82
submitted by wrecxy to visionalayatechnology [link] [comments]


2020.09.15 09:43 MjPaps Cybersecurity Engineer in Milan, Italy / (remote or relocate) / (full-time, permanent)

Hey there! We're a software house in the field of mobile development, we are looking for a Cybersecurity Engineer to join our infrastructure & security team. The role is focused on infrastructure security but heavy on the development side. No specific tech stack required, but programming skills are necessary. Team currently include five people between Security and Infrastructure , should grow to eight by end of year.
The role is available in full remote (in which case you'll need at least two years of experience in the field, aligned academia, and the possibility of working within +- 2 hours from CET+1). If you'd rather relocate to Milan (which I do recommend for the food!), company sponsors visa and offers relocation support.
Here the link to apply and below the extended description, drop me a message if you have questions!
--description
A few examples of your responsibilities:
What We Offer
What We Look For
--/description
submitted by MjPaps to CyberSecurityJobs [link] [comments]


2020.09.15 05:06 chonkier Posting on reddit until I get a girlfriend #176

Day 1: I know this isn’t the most creative thing to do here, but I have never been in any sort of relationship and hoped I could get some advice from you redditors. This might take over a year or more to do before I either get one or give up, but good luck future me I guess...
Day 2: No
Day 3: Any tips on how I should hit up my crush?
Day 4: Thinking about messaging her and saying hey to get a conversation started but I have to work up the nerves to do it
Day 5: Love it when I have no internet for online school
Day 6: Beep Boop
Day 7: I think I might wait to try anything until this whole global pandemic thing slows down. It’s been a week and Ill Ive done is realize how boring I am with these posts lol. Probably wouldnt be thinking about this so much if soccer season wasnt cancelled... Anyway, beep boop bye boys. That was a lot of writing...
Day 8: I DID IT GUYS! I TALKED TO A GIRL! Jk no I didnt lol
Day 9: Yes this is day 9.
Day 10: After 10 days, my preditction for how long this will go on is... idk fucking forever
Day 11: I tried starting a conversation with my crush on snapchat and she didnt even open it :(
Day 12: Last night she responded to my snap message from 2 days ago and now we might have a streak
Day 13: I am bored today no news lads
Day 14: We dont talk about day 14
Day 15: I have acquired a 4 day streak with my crush and I rly want to talk to her but my scaredness is overtaking my temptation
Day 16: Nothing happened today
Day 17: When you cant stop thinking about a person is not an epic gamer moment, especially cuz we’re stuck at home and cant do anything about it. i want this to be over already so i can try to talk to her.
Day 18: Hi again guys and gals
Day 19: Dont worry Im just passin’ by you sorting by new
Day 20: Woohoo day 20! I tried to talk to her... i snapped her and said hey but she didnt even open it i guess she dont care. that was last night too.
Day 21: Now beginning to realize that this has the potential to take years
Day 22: Just passing by your feed for the day hope you guys are doing well :)
Day 23: Hello
Day 24: Hello #2
Day 25: How are you guys doing today?
Day 26: If I was a news network, I would be bankrupt because I have no news
Day 27: Helloooo
Day 28: I want someone to talk to lol
Day 29: Hello #3
Day 30: Hooray day 30 only like 2 more years to go
Day 31: Im pretty much giving up on talking to girls online so im gonna wait until school starts in the fall and start trying there, so the minimum for this chain of posts in probably like 150.
Day 32: I officially give up... for now
Day 33: 333333
Day 34: technically its actually day ((9(4)+8)/2)+(3(4))
Day 35: Life huh
Day 36: So glad I finally have someone to talk to here on reddit
Day 37: Today’s date is April 28th
Day 38: I almost have 20 followers from doing this like what
Day 39: Its getting harder to remember to post
Day 40: A new milestone aha
Day 41: shit wack
Day 42: Bing bong your opinion is wrong
Day 43: What videogames do you guys play
Day 44: Badabadabada babaaa badabadaba badabaaaaaaaa
Day 45: Whats ur favorite color
Day 46: Day 40 feels like yesterday wth
Day 47: Ice cream yum yum
Day 48: Im posting this at 4:20
Day 49: Ok, so like, um, haha, maybe?
Day 50: Ah, day fifty. You know, I heard that a girl doesn’t want you if they don’t text you first. And guess what happened today.... Nobody texted me I don’t think a girl has ever texted me first now that I think about it
Day 51: I looked at the mirror today and I was like damn i look sexy ahahaha
Day 52: egg
Day 53: Tomorrow’s my last day of online school yerrrrrrr - Also I have somehow now gained 32 reddit followers from doing this shit
Day 54: Shablam shazam
Day 55: Dos rosquillas por favor
Day 56: Is it just me or do the colors purple and turquoise go perfectly together
Day 57: Hangin out with my friend shut up stupid i dont care
Day 58:
Day 59: B
Day 60: I
Day 61: N
Day 62: G
Day 63:
Day 64: The days are beginning to feel shorter and faster...
Day 65: holy hell
Day 66: But you gotta fall back from doing all that extra Why you dancin wit the devil
Day 67: Im the definition of a bandit
Day 68: Idk why bro but i cant get over her even though i only barely ever see her on sc... today was her birthday and i said happy birthday she said thank you.. im ranting but tomorrow eh? nice.
Day 69: Self explanatory joke please leave your laughs in the comments.
Day 70: I accidentally flushed one of my airpods down the toilet when it fell off so now I only have one airpod. it sucks and im sad and then im even more sad bc i realize that having one airpod is this big of a problem to me
Day 71: big sad?
Day 72: Hooga Badooga Googa
Day 73: The internet ruined me
Day 74: I dont want my depression to come back but today I felt it for the first time in a while...
Day 75: Nononononono I changed this one
Day 76: Summer is cool and all, looking at snapchat stories of all the people you know hanging out with each other while sitting in bed alone
Day 77: Hung out with friends today, UNO reverse card ()()()
Day 78: Bliggle ba giggle diggle
Day 79: Have you ever put butter on a poptart... It’s so frickin good... Have you ever put butter on a poptart... If you haven’t then I think you should
Day 80: •_•
Day 81: He just gon’ throw shots at you before he throw subliminals
Day 82: mBeebopmSkeetleebebopmDopm
Day 83: You a lame, you aint gang, so I cant hang with ya
Day 84: He haw he haw
Day 85: I have 78 followers because of this. 78.
Day 86: RipCity?
Day 87: Salmon, rice, mango
Day 88: Yall ever just E E E E
Day 89: xue hua piao piao bei feng xiao xiao
Day 90: Just mixed the Bape with the Simons, my bad
Day 91: There are two types of lonely people. Those that are lonely by choice, and those that are lonely due to circumstances. And I don’t know which one I am.
Day 92: I want to kill myself. I hate my family I hate everyone nothing is good I want to die
Day 93: I think Im bipolar. I either feel very happy or very sad and I think these posts are kinda proof of that. I try my best to stay happy but its hard a lot of the time. Anyway, IgotblackIgotwhitewatchuwant
Day 94: Im gonna start rating my day out of ten on here. Today was a 9/10
Day 95: 4/10
Day 96: 8/10
Day 97: 8/10
Day 98: hmmmm 7/10
Day 99: 9/10 also tomorrow is a big day for this series of posts
Day 100: Wow um okay that went fast. I feel like for today I should give some sort of little update or speech kinda thing. So basically, I kind of have a crush right now but I dont know if I want to pursue her its complicated. Right now its summer break so imma wait til school starts again to try for real again. I can actually talk to girls in person cuz they dont talk to me online lol. I dont know how long this series will go but I will try to post every day until it happens. As of right now my confidence in finding a girlfriend is very low. I dont know how long this is gonna take but probably quite awhile. All I want is for someone to love me for me and a girl that I can share my feelings with, since right now I dont have a person to do that with. I want to lose my virginity, but before that I want to have my first real kiss, or before that even, I want to hold hands or hug a girl. I live a lonely life. Dont be me.
Day 101: Egg penis
Day 102: hooga badooga gag
Day 103: Gooba
Day 104: I havent had a conversation with a girl online or in person since March. (•_•)
Day 105: Blippa blop i guess but like its the 4th of July i guess
Day 106: My copy is ready for pasta
Day 107: Do I even want a girlfriend tho
Day 108: I mean like kinda
Day 109: You dont want no problems at ur party dont invite me ahahaaahaha jk i dont get invited to things ahahaa
Day 110: just another post for my 120 followers to enjoy
Day 111: 111 111 111 111 111 111 111 111
Day 112: I am on vacation u^
Days 113: Yeah going on vacation is cool but have you guys tried sex? ... me neither
Day 114: I dont understand how like literally the ugliest people can be in relationships but like Ive never been close to having one
Day 115: Today I went on a 7.5 mile hike up to the top of a mountain and it was really cool
Day 116: Last day of vacation :( 10 hour drive back tomorrow so sad so saddd
Day 117: Sad pony
Day 118: Stop telling me this wont work its not supposed to work its just something fun to do until I get a girlfriend
Day 119: So da salamilid aint gon fit (wont fit) and the salami (lami lid) wont fit like dat
Day 120: Ive been doing this for 4 months now
Day 121: Im posting this at 3:20 am cuz why not lol
Day 122: I am sad right now
Day 123: Looolalooloooladeedadaloodaleeleeda
Day 124: IMPORTANT READ THIS - So a lot of you guys are telling me that posting on reddit wont get me a girlfriend. Obviously it wont. If I do ever get a girlfriend I would want it to be a girl at my high school that I know, not some random girl I meet on reddit. Remember, I am doing this for fun, I am not even close to getting a girlfriend. I dont have a crush, and I dont really have any friends that are girls. So... with all that said, The salami lid aint gon fit like dat.
Day 125: I am 62.5% of the way to 200 days
Day 126: If any of you are wondering if Ive ever tried to ask a girl out before, I kinda have. The summer before my freshman year I confessed to my crush who I had talked to a lot over about a year and a half. I got friendzoned pretty badly, and kinda gave up with girls for like at least 2 years until I started this
Day 127: Hello to my 144 followers
Day 128: Drop yo Xbox names and what games you play
Day 129: Happytime
Day 130: I dont know what to say its 4 am
Day 131: Dont fire me plz
Day 132: z
Day 133: z
Day 134: z
Day 135: z
Day 136: Confusion
Day 137: Abandonment
Day 138: There is no way Im getting a girlfriend in the next year
Day 139: Why do people like me get created what even are we supposed to do
Day 140: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh whyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Day 141: Wrist keep spinnin like a fuckin rotisserie
Day 142: Bruh i literally have to go to school tomorrow ughhhhhhhhhh
Day 143: It felt good to be back at school it felt like I had a purpose finally and I got to see a lot of people for the first time in a while :) Anyway this one girl... jk theres no girl i lied
Day 144: How many of yall are virgins
Day 145: I dont want to be horny anymore... I want a girl I can text until 3 am and cuddle with while watching NBA games :(
Day 146: Would post Juice WRLD lyrics here but I cant relate to any of them cuz im too lonely
Day 147: I had a great day today. I hung out with people, was very social, told jokes that made people laugh, my team won, I had fun. Its important to recognize these days that are good
Day 148: Goodbye free time and enjoyment, I have to go to school now.
Day 149: eenanashe kabikabi wam dadesh kabikabi dee bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh
Day 150: Wow 150. Another landmark. Pretty cool huh. But anyway since schools started ive been talking to girls that i know more
Day 151: Dopdopdopdopdododododop
Day 152: fuck the system
Day 153: Secrets are hard to keep but Im good at lying
Day 154: I have to write a 400 word descriptive story about my first ever date for English class... now i havent exactly ever been on a date so yall wna give me ideas
Day 155: Please stop commenting stuff like “We will watch your career with great interest” or “This is some dedication” everybody always says it
Day 156: blam blam
Day 157: Posting on reddit until I get a girlfriend #157
Day 158: gotalottanewshit
Day 159: Yo can like 3 more people follow me so I get to 200 followers that would be pretty cool
Day 160: I am not enjoying this whole thing much right now
Day 161: I wonder if you know
Day 162: How they live in Tokyo
Day 163: If you see them and you mean it
Day 164: Then you know you have to go
Day 165: Its so nice talking to girls again mow that school is back
Day 166: If you are reading this dm me and tell me ur favorite food cuz im bored
Day 167: Why do I find like 75% of girls attravtive bruh
Day 168: fuck... fuck... fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK
Day 169: We have officially reached funny number + 100
Day 170: Drove that pack from Houston, OKC, I feel like Chris Paul ~_~
Day 171: Hassan Whiteside
Day 172: Almost forgot today
Day 173: :371 yaD
Day 174: How did day 173 get three awards bruh
Day 175: Yall be saying this is pathetic but like how is it pathetic
Day 176: I feel like a zombie sometimes
submitted by chonkier to teenagers [link] [comments]


2020.09.15 03:00 boewhiskey They Came From the Sky and Stayed in the Sea (Part 1)

I walked up the carpeted stairs to my grandparents’ bedroom. The second floor only extended half the span of the first floor and had a balcony overlooking the large living room below. I walked over and gripped the wooden railing with a bittersweet feeling. My grandmother had been gone for almost two years and my grandfather had followed her only a few months ago. I loved this house but now that they were both gone, it felt as if something was missing, like a hole had opened up in the floor and stared back at me as a silent reminder of how incomplete it was now.
My mother was downstairs, working on cleaning out the kitchen and emptying the cupboards of all contents. I could hear the clanging of pots and pans as she set them on the counter and for a brief second, I let myself imagine that it was my grandfather, making dinner for us as we visited them. In this fantasy, I would open my eyes and look down to see my grandmother seated on the couch below, watching whatever show was on either Food Network or HGTV.
When I opened my eyes in reality, though, the scene was empty. The large TV wasn’t on, there was no bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper on the table next to the couch, and there was no grandmother dressed in her typical dark clothes that liked to attract the fur from their two dogs. There weren’t two dogs, either. Lily, the yellow lab, had passed on years prior and Shelby, the red golden retriever had left us shortly before my grandfather. There were only empty cushions and that invisible hole.
“Where’d you go?” I heard my mom call out.
I leaned over the railing and replied, “I’m up here. Thought I’d look at the books right quick while you’re doing that.”
“Okay. Hey, think you’ll be hungry soon? Maybe we should grab something to eat,” she said.
“Sounds good to me. What’d you have in mind?”
I heard her sigh, “I have no idea. We’ll figure it out when you’re done?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I called back to her and pushed myself away from the railing. I turned around to face the open door to their bedroom.
The moment I stepped into the room, I felt my heart twist. My grandmother’s perfume still lingered in the air here and I realized that this could very well be the last time I ever smelled it. I blinked back tears and took a deep breath, reminding myself that I was supposed to be the strong one right now. I knew that I couldn’t be there all the time for my mom but I would damn well hold it together when I was around her. She needed that.
The bookshelf was across from the door and took up almost the entire wall. It was two floor-to-ceiling units that were separated by a window overlooking the yard. I glanced outside and saw the gravel driveway and hilly landscape. It was beautiful here and the way that the house was built on the land, you could see the small city in the distance. I remembered the trips I used to take in the summer to visit before we moved up here as well. I would stay in the room below this one and at night, seeing the distant lights helped me sleep when the quiet and lack of city noise made it difficult.
I took another deep breath, probably the fiftieth of the day so far, and began scanning the shelves of books. My grandmother’s collection was on the left while the classic westerns on the right were my grandfather’s. I knew I would be sure to pick out at least three from each collection so that I not only had new things to read but also had some things that I could cherish knowing they belonged to my family.
In the end, I took home two and a half boxes of books. One was mainly cookbooks that I set aside downstairs but the other box and a half were from the shelves upstairs. I was never one to be interested in westerns but I picked out a few that seemed intriguing and made sure to also leave with my grandfather’s copy of *Lonesome Dove*. My mother had introduced me to the television series version of it when I was younger and it held a deep place in my heart.
Carrying the boxes into my apartment proved to be the most difficult part. When we had loaded up my truck with the items I would be taking, my mom and I had the use of a cart to move them from inside and down the wooden ramp to the driveway. As I struggled to haul the boxes in, I wondered if I should have asked to borrow the cart when I had the chance. Of course, in the end, I managed to get everything inside with a combination of pushing, pulling, and carrying.
Once my own little living room was overtaken with the new-old stuff that didn’t have a home yet, I sat down in my recliner and took a moment to relax and catch my breath. I had no idea where I would put all of this stuff and my husband wouldn’t be too happy to come home to a messy room. I knew that he would understand, though, plus I would be able to tell him that the carved wooden bear that stood outside my grandparents’ front door was to be ours as soon as we picked it up. That was the one thing he requested we have if possible.
After staring at the boxes and stacks of items in front of me for a good ten minutes, I convinced myself to get up and start at least organizing the stuff into what room they would likely go to. I would need a beer or a glass of wine to even begin, though, I decided. As I entered the kitchen and reached for the bottle of red wine on the counter, I took note of the time that was displayed on the oven. It was a little after five which meant my husband would be home soon. Instead of cooking, I opted to talk to him about ordering a pizza when he got home instead.
With a glass full of more wine than what was likely necessary, I situated myself on the floor amidst the boxes and scattered items. As I sorted through everything, I sipped the wine and tried to keep my mind in busy mode rather than memory mode. This proved to work until my husband got home.
“What the hell? What’s all this?” He asked after stepping through the front door. I looked up at him from my place on the floor and stammered before my voice broke and I just started crying. He stepped over things and knelt beside me, wrapping his arms around me. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Is this all from your grandparents’ house?”
I nodded and lifted my head from where it had been pulled to his chest. I picked up my almost empty glass of wine and pointed to one pile then another while blubbering, “K-kitchen stuff. Look, some new pans and plates. Uh, clothes…”
I trailed off, sniffling while the sudden tears tapered off, and he immediately spoke as he surveyed everything, “Books? Did you take their entire collection?”
“No,” I pouted at him and finished my wine with a quick toss of my head as if I was taking a shot of tequila. “I didn’t even take half.”
He gave a soft chuckle and kissed my forehead, “Okay, baby. Find anything for me?”
I nodded and set aside the now empty glass before reaching into one of the boxes and shifting the hardcovers around. I held a few to the side and showed him the title of one of the westerns.
“I got a few of these you might like and when we go pick up the bear, you can see what else is left if you want,” I told him, also slyly including that the bear would be ours.
“The bear? We get the bear?” He asked excitedly. I nodded with a wide smile and he kissed my forehead again.
It was a week before I began looking through the books and taking them out of the boxes I had brought them home in. I smiled with each title and felt pleased that I had snagged my grandmother’s copy of a completed works-type volume of Jane Austen. When my husband and I had gone back, he picked out a few more books himself. Finally putting both hauls together revealed that we somehow ended up with two copies of the large, thick *Lonesome Dove* tome.
*Weird*, I thought. I wasn’t sure why my grandfather had owned two copies. I picked both up to see if one was a special edition or if there were any differences. Immediately I noticed a major difference: one of the books felt lighter, much too light to make sense. I set them on the floor in front of me and opened the covers. The pages shifted as I opened one but the pages of the second copy didn’t seem to have much give to them. I closed the first one and focused solely on the other. After turning the first few pages that had the publishing information and title, I found that the book was hollowed out. A space had been cut out of the pages and then the remaining edges had been stuck together, likely glued, to create a hidden storage spot.
Stored in the book was a slightly smaller leather-bound volume that at first glance, looked like an old journal. Had one of my grandparents kept a secret diary? Needless to say, I was curious. I tipped the Lonesome Dove book over and let the leather book fall out of its hiding place. Once released, I looked it over but found nothing on the front or back cover. It was a simple journal from the looks of it, with an aged leather flap that extended from the back cover and over the front edge, held in place by a simple leather cord that wrapped around the entire book.
Without hesitation, I pulled the cord from its place and opened the book to see the first page, which read: “Sophia Campbell, Events of the Summer of 1990.” Two things struck me immediately. The first was that 1990 was the year I was born, coincidentally in the summer. Secondly, I had never heard of Sophia Campbell in any family story or passing mention. My grandfather’s last name was Campbell but there is also a large number of unrelated people in the world with that same last name. The year of the journal ruled out it being an old family keepsake from some distant generation that came decades before. *But why was it hidden away?* I asked myself silently.
If I had been intrigued before, I was definitely interested now. I temporarily abandoned my work and moved from the floor to a chair where I would be more comfortable while I read. At first, I expected it to be a simple, typical diary but what I read confused and concerned me.
“I have decided to record what happened two years ago in the summer of 1990. I don’t really know what good it will do but I have not been able to speak about it and maybe writing it down will help me understand it or at least get it out of my mind.
It began in June, at least as far as I can remember of the beginning. Towards the end of the month, I began having odd dreams. There wasn’t much to them at first. I was near a coast, in a wooded area. It was dusk and I could see the sun sinking in the distance. Animal life was abundant and noisy around me but it was comforting, I knew everything was how it should be. Once the sun completely set, though, a strange smell filled the air and crept up my nostrils. With the smell, fear came. It wasn’t just a little nervousness over the night or foreign aroma, it was pure terror. I began running in the direction opposite of the shore the second the trees and creatures of the small forest fell silent. And then I woke up.
I had that dream without any change for a week. I had no idea what it meant at the time nor did I yet realize that I was not myself in the dream. During the day, I felt uneasy and had a sense of dread that I could not place. I assumed it had something to do with the odd images I saw while I slept, the fear somehow sneaking into my waking life and holding me captive.
One week and two days after the dreams first began, they changed. I remember that it was the fourth of July and by the time I crawled into bed, I was exhausted from celebrations and drinking. The nights before that one and since the dreams had first begun, I continually went to bed with a frustrated feeling as my body would try to fight off the sleep that would bring those dreams. That night, however, I was too drunk to care and all I wanted was to close my eyes and drift away.
It began the same as the others. When I began running, though, I realized for the first time that I was running on four legs, not two. I recognized immediately that I was an animal with strong dark legs that ended in hooves from what I could tell. For some reason, this didn’t frighten me, though. On the contrary, it pleased me as I knew I would be able to run faster than my human body would have allowed. I ran and dodged fallen trees, bushes, low-hanging limbs, all with the grace and knowledge of an animal that knew this forest inside and out. I’m not sure how far I had gotten before I heard a deafening sound.
When I looked back in the direction I had come from, the direction where the sound seemed to be, I saw bright blazes of red and orange licking the trees in the distance. My heart couldn’t beat any quicker, although it tried. My ears were ringing and instinct told me to continue fleeing but I also felt protective of my home. Smaller animals that had been silent only seconds before, burst into a flurry of cries, chitters, screeches, and running. They were all desperately trying to get away from whatever had made the sound.
My legs faltered in place as the ground shook beneath me violently. It was time to go, I would have to return later to find out more. I turned, putting my back to the terror once more, and continued to charge through the forest.
The dream ended and I awoke with a start, at least I thought I had. I sat up in my bed and tried to steady my breathing. The soft ticking of the clock on my bedside table seemed to slow down and take longer between each tick. As I focused my ears on the confusing change, I began to hear a voice speaking. It wasn’t like a voice just from the other room or outside, it was distant and close all at the same time. It whispered in a hoarse, gruff voice, speaking a language I didn’t recognize. Honestly, it sounded like gibberish mixed with a heavy Scottish accent. I couldn’t understand a single word it spoke. It remained low, barely more than a melodic growl. There was a sudden bang on my window that made me jump and scream in shock.
Then I truly woke up. I was gasping for air and looked around the room frantically, trying to tell if I was in the real world or dreaming again. Patty, my roommate, came rushing into my bedroom, wielding a bat. When she saw me seated in my bed, she flipped the light-switch on and asked me what was wrong. I couldn’t find more words to explain anything other than ‘bad dream’. She sat with me while I calmed myself and then we both went back to bed after agreeing that maybe I shouldn’t drink so much right before I sleep.
I had the same dream the night after, and the one after that and again after that. The dream was almost the same each night, the only difference occurring in the second phase of the two-part dream. With every new night, the voice slowly became louder. I didn’t scream or wake Patty up again, though, when the bang always came from the window and jolted me from my slumber.
For nine nights I had that dream. It changed the night my niece was born. The thirteenth of July was an exciting and happy day. My sister gave birth to a small but healthy and beautiful baby girl in the early evening. That night, though, brought terror to my mind.
The dream again continued the same way but where it would switch from the forest to my bedroom, it instead changed from the early night sky to a deeper darkness that surrounded me on all sides as I stood at the edge of the forest, looking in. I just knew already that it had been hours since the running scene and I felt like I was trying to decide what to do, torn between my fear for my safety and my concern to find out what happened to my home. In the end, I found myself walking into the trees.
I took careful steps and approached with caution. It felt like hours before I reached a large mossy boulder that I knew meant I was close to the shoreline. The trees would soon begin to thin out and make way for the bluff that extended above the sandy beach below. From there, I would be able to look down and see if I could determine what caused the terrifying sound.
I smelled the recently burnt trees and branches before I saw them. Mangled trunks and blackened earth riddled the edge of the cliff, the edge that was way too close. It wasn’t where it should have been; this was new, this was wrong. My breath quickened as I approached the edge to peer down into the water below. The moon broke through the clouds as if to personally assist my sight. Far below where I stood, there was steam rising from the ocean. As the breeze blew it away occasionally, I could see that a large section of the bluff had been taken out, creating a new pocket where the land met the sea. There was something in the water still, jagged and astoundingly giant with only a tiny portion of it rising about the tumultuous laps of the disturbed water.
I saw more animals on the newly changed beach, all looking at the same foreign object that I was. Sensing movement, I looked directly to my left and then my right and saw even more creatures approaching the broken edge as well. We all glanced at one another, knowing that we were all together in our confusion and fright. What had happened here?
When I looked back down to the beach and the water, I saw a new figure standing in the sand, just far close enough to the ocean that tiny ripples lapped at the feet. It was a human, I knew immediately, but I was confused because she looked unlike any other human I had seen, or at least that the body I was in had seen. Her hair and skin were both light and the clothes she wore differed from any other. Had she done this? Was she connected somehow?
I felt anger rise in me for a brief moment before the young woman turned her head slowly and looked up at me. Even from this distance, I could sense how sad she was. She didn’t do this; this made her heart break as much as it did ours. Her face lowered when a rumble sounded through the atmosphere. The thing in the water cracked and shifted, changing before our eyes. We all watched with terrified anticipation. Nothing should be able to manipulate itself like that. A jet of steam rose high into the night air and with it, figures poured from the opening. They moved fluidly over the top of the water, like smoke. Their bodies twisted and stretched as they traveled silently towards the land. There was no specific form to any of them and I didn’t understand what they were or how they moved.
Once they reached the shore, they pulled themselves together into some sort of vaporous mass with long tentacle-like arms. When the moon shone on the thing, I saw that instead of just smoke, they seemed to be made of sparkling dust. I looked to the sky and realized how much they seemed to mirror the expanse of stars and galaxies above us.
I lowered my gaze just in time to see the ever-shifting thing shoot out in many directions, its body reaching high and far to snatch up some of us that were there. I watched as different creatures on the beach were enveloped in the starry dark form. They screamed in pain and horror as whatever this thing was made of surrounded them and poured into their mouths, eyes, nose, and ears. I turned to run as I saw tendrils sliding up the cliff-face towards where I and more stood looking down on the scene. We were quick to all start our retreat but still not quick enough.
A shadowy appendage wrapped itself around my neck and held me in place while it stretched to grasp my midsection and my legs. It wasn’t solid but felt like an icy wind against my skin. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t break through and get away from it. I let out a shrill whinny and reared up, planning on throwing myself back down and charging away. The swirling mass of space dust held me upright and instead of charging away and feeling the burning of my muscles as I fled, I felt frigid fingers open my mouth and slide down my throat. My eyes burned as they were covered in darkness as it pushed around into my sockets. My ears buzzed before everything went silent with their assault into those orifices. My nostrils felt as if they were filling with water as it crept into my sinuses. My entire body was being overtaken and all I could do was scream in agony as every cell of my being felt like it was being lit on fire made of ice.
That’s when I finally moved into the second part of the dream. I seemed to awaken in my own room and bed, the voice was louder than before but still, I couldn’t understand anything it said. The clock slowed and stopped for the first time right before the bang came at the window. As I was yanked back to reality, I heard one final thing from the voice of the dream; the first thing it said that I could understand. In that gravely, deep voice, I heard the words ‘Crater Look Cove’.”
It was at this point that I stopped reading. It was getting close to the time my husband would be getting off of work and I needed to get dinner started. I was also utterly confused. From the dates and relationship mentioned, this Sophia person was supposedly my aunt, an aunt that I was sure I had never even heard a slight mention of. I grabbed my phone and sent a quick text to my mom, simply asking who Sophia Campbell was. Before waiting to see if I would get an immediate response, I left the chair and headed to the kitchen to figure out what to make for dinner.
A few minutes later, I heard my phone ring and I paused what I was doing to answer it. Checking the screen first, I saw that it was my mother.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Where did you hear that name?” She asked without even a greeting.
“Uh, I found a book with it written in it. Why? Who is she?” I queried.
I heard Mom let out a long, exasperated sigh before she responded, “Sophia is complicated. I’d rather not talk about it over the phone. What are you doing for lunch tomorrow?”
“I have nothing planned. What did you have in mind?”
“I have a few errands to run in the morning but I can grab something when I’m done. How about you come up to the house and we’ll eat and talk about it.”
“Sure, just let me know when,” I agreed.
“I’ll text you and let you know,” she said. We exchanged a short goodbye and hung up. I felt even more confused than before. From her tone, it sounded like this information was something possibly painful to even think about.
I filled my husband in on the journal and the planned meeting with my mom. He agreed that the entire situation seemed off and asked me to keep him updated.
The following day, after hearing from my mom that she was ready to meet back at the house, I got in my truck and headed that way. It was only a twenty-minute drive but it felt like it took longer because I was a mix of excited and anxious with every nerve in my body feeling like they were buzzing with faint electricity.
Mom was finishing up a couple of BLT’s when I arrived and she was acting like it was just a normal day. I wondered if she had changed her mind about telling me. We shared unimportant small-talk during the meal and afterward, I helped her clean up the paper plates and wipe down the counter to rid it of any leftover crumbs from the bread. We both walked out to the front porch for her to have a cigarette. I sat on the bench quietly, waiting as patiently as possible for either her to bring it up or for me to figure out how to delicately bring it up. Thankfully, she broke the silence and began the conversation.
“Sophia was my sister, my little sister. She was only a year younger but sometimes it was so easy to forget that she wasn’t older. You knew her when you were a baby, but she hasn’t been around in a long time. At least not around you,” Mom started.
“Why not? Did she… did she die?” I asked her, trying to keep my tone gentle.
She shook her head, “No, she’s still alive. You have to understand something, though. Something happened to her. No one really knows what the catalyst was but something inside her mind broke. A couple of years after you were born, she had to be committed. She became delusional, started hallucinating, hearing things and voices, and became terrified of the ocean. She’s the reason your grandparents moved here, to be honest. Well, part of the reason.”
I sat without speaking a word. I felt my eyebrows furrow as I looked at her. I wanted to say something but I couldn’t think of anything at all. After a moment of silent staring into the distance, she looked at me and gave me a sad smile. Then she took another drag off of her cigarette and continued, blowing the smoke out between her words.
“When it became apparent that something was wrong, your grandparents took her from her apartment and moved her back into their home. She seemed like she might get better but we made a mistake. I thought it would be a fun idea to take you to the beach one weekend. You were a toddler and somehow we hadn’t yet traveled the hour and a half to the shore for you to play yet. Sophia seemed like her normal self before that, so she joined us. Looking back now, I know that she was nervous but I just didn’t realize it at the time. I was too focused on the excited baby who seemed to know we were going on a new adventure,” she paused and winked at me. “While there, though, she completely lost it.
After two or three hours of playing in the sand with you, she stood up and just walked to the water. At first, she stopped when the water was only around her ankles. Then after staring at the horizon for a bit, she continued walking into the waves. Once a wave splashed over her head, my dad, your grandfather, rushed out to bring her back in. I’m not sure what she said but he told us later that when he got to her, she was crying and yelling. By the time they reached us on the beach, the yelling had become incoherent mumbling and she was unresponsive. We left then and for the entire trip home, she barely blinked and only sat unnaturally rigid while mumbling to herself.
She was taken to a doctor a few days after that and put on some sort of medication. Again, we all thought things would get better and they did for a few years. You only saw her a couple of times after that and you probably don’t even remember. Then, in ’98, she just vanished one night, with only a note that said something about her having to go to some cove. We all searched and made calls for weeks with no luck. Then my dad got a call from a hospital in Georgia. They had her and requested that he get there immediately. I never found out what happened when she left, where exactly she went, or how she even got to the hospital. Our parents began traveling and searching for a new place. They fell in love with Montana and the mountains and distance from the southern coast seemed to calm her down.
She still had to be kept in a hospital, though, as she had become a danger to those around her and herself. She’s been there ever since.”
I blinked and stared at the wooden floor of the porch, still unsure of what to say. Finally, a single question formed in my mind and I asked her, “Do you ever see her?”
“Yes,” she answered, looking at me with sorrowful eyes. “I visit her from time to time and she knows who I am but I don’t go very often. It breaks my heart. I know Mom and Dad used to go at least once a month.”
“Could… could I go see her?” I stammered.
“I’m not sure-” she began but cut herself off. “I can see about arranging that. Just don’t go expecting anything.”
I nodded in response. I didn’t stay much longer after that and as I drove home, I resolved to finish the diary as soon as I walked in the door.
I ended up failing on the specifics of that plan, but an hour later, I was curled up in my chair with the book in my lap and a glass of wine to wash down all the information with. I took a big sip of the red liquid and continued Sophia’s tale.
“1998. For a while, I believed everyone who told me I was crazy. But the dreams are back.
They’re almost the same as before, so I dug out this old diary to add to it.
As they did before, they start the same then continue to show me more. Once the icy pain subsided, my horse-form awoke again, this time to the afternoon sun. I felt hollow on the inside like something was missing, taken from me by that cloud of dust and space. I pushed myself to stand on my four legs and realized that I was no longer on the cliff, but on the beach below it. The bodies of my forest brethren were scattered along the sand. A few others were waking up as well. Even in my groggy state, I saw that each animal that stood, sharing in my confusion and aching body, was changed.
There was a squirrel that had once been covered in soft brown fur but now looked mottled and decaying. The tip of its tail was missing and bones in its hand were exposed. One of its cheeks looked like it was drooping off of its skull. I saw several birds that had holes in their beaks and were missing patches of feathers. The skin where those feathers had once been was black and appeared cracked. I saw a buck with one antler hanging off of his head while the other was splintered painfully in strange directions. In his jaw was a large gash that exposed teeth that were rotting and gums that oozed sickly pus. He looked as if he had lost half of his weight in less than a day and just below his skin, I saw ribs that were painfully cracked and contorted, some that threatened to pierce his flesh with every breath he took.
All of the animals were like this. Every last one of them that was on the beach with me. I finally looked down at my legs and saw exposed bone, muscle, and broken hooves. What had happened to us?
Once we were all awake, a roar came from the water. We all looked at the ocean in unison but could not see what make the call. Then, without any more warning, I felt my body take a step forward, then another, and another. Every creature was walking towards the ocean and I assumed that like me, they had no control over their bodies. Something else was doing this, calling us to the depths, controlling our movements.
The water, now calm, rose steadily as we trudged through the sand on unresponsive legs. The dream switched the moment I felt salty water fly into my nostrils and begin filling my lungs.
The rest was the same as before, save one detail: I was now in my current bedroom and not the bedroom I had at the apartment. The voice started out quiet but rose in volume to barely over a whisper. The following night it was the same, only growing even louder.
It keeps coming to me night after night and for the past three nights, the voice has been deafening. I fear it won’t stop until I listen to it.
At first, my search for a place called Crater Look Cove turned up nothing. I found that there is a Crater Cove in Australia but I felt in my gut that wasn’t the right place. I knew it had to be closer than that.
I finally came across a small article in a travel magazine by chance. It talked about the different coves in Georgia and something just clicked. I did some more research and found that there is a small, barely known cove in Georgia that doesn’t even show up on any maps. Its name is History Look Cove but years ago was known as Crater Look Cove. I have to go there. I have to find out what this all means.
I know they’re out there, those things that came from the sky. I know they’re in the water. They made it their home. I’ve been terrified to go near the ocean and I feel frightened to be going back, especially to their domain. But I need to know.”
I closed the journal with a strange feeling. There was no more writing. The pages were blank. I don’t know if my aunt Sophia made it to Crater Look Cove or History Look Cove or whatever it’s called now. From what I do know, that was the final straw. She’s been locked in a hospital ever since.
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